


Family like a Tree

by Birdgirl90



Series: The Seeds We Sow [2]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: AU, Fluff, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-04-22 15:06:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 43,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4840031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Birdgirl90/pseuds/Birdgirl90
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~Jane Howard</p><p>Continues off my AU for Metal Gear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arrivals

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Laughing Jackal (allie_quinn)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/allie_quinn/gifts).



> So this is my first attempt at a chapter fic in a very long time. I really love Kaz, Big Boss, and Ocelot - they entertain me and it's fun to poke around their heads. This story may be dark in places, may be funny in places, and may be just fluffy in places. Normally I map my writing out to see where I'm headed (it does wonders for college papers and what not) but I don't have a full map for this one. Also, unbeta'd, so all errors are mine.
> 
> Also, I don't own any of the MGS characters.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

_ “The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.” ~ Leo Tolstoy _

 

** Chapter 1: Arrivals **

 

When Kazuhira Miller arrives at the landing pad of Mother Base, he isn’t sure what to expect upon Snake’s arrival. Medical staff waits nearby to greet the rescued captives, gurneys ready to take them to the Medical Platform. Kaz shifts impatiently on his crutch as the drone of Pequod’s helicopter makes itself known over the crashing waves of the ocean.

 

They (he, Snake, Ocelot, and several members of the intel team) had located Eli’s twin, David, earlier in the week and had traced him to a remote location not too far from where Kaz himself had been held and tortured by Soviets not that long ago. It appeared that Cipher had decided that it was time to find David since they had lost control of Eli, and had another group of Soviets kidnap him from his peaceful existence in America. Ocelot had calculated that David had been in the hands of the Soviets for about a week before they had traced him, and time was short to get him before he was exchanged to Cipher for an obscene amount of money.

The plan made sense. After all, Ocelot pointed out, having the other clone on base would give the Diamond Dogs a higher advantage down the road. And as much as Kaz had wanted to argue, he couldn’t; a clone in enemy hands would only end in disaster for them all. He’d be lying to himself though if the thought of another Eli on base didn’t make him want to kick something. The child soldier was a brat on his good days and a complete little shit on his bad days. They’d had to replace more doors and chairs since he came around than Kaz could ever remember before. He’d begun putting a column in the budget labeled “Eli Expenses” just to compensate.

Snake took the job without much to say, just nodding his agreement at Ocelot and Kaz when it was brought up. Everything had gone pretty much according to plan, with Pequod flying on standby and Snake sneaking his way through enemy territory as Kaz coached him on directions over the radio  system. There had been several gunfights along the way, each one making Kaz cringe a little inside; he hated listening to Snake in battle, waiting on word that he was alright, knowing it was all part of the business and there was nothing he could do about it regardless. Snake pulled through, though, and made it out of the hot zone and to the rescue point. There had been a moment of silence.

“Kaz,” Snake said, his voice quiet over the frequency. “He’s not the only one here.”

“Boss?” Kaz asked, puzzled.

“There’s another being held here. A girl, probably 15 or so.”

Kaz frowned. This was unexpected. “Well, bring her too. We’ll figure out details later.”

“Got it.”

 

And now Kaz stands withy the medical team and some security guards, waiting as Pequod brings the chopper down, the door already open before it touches down. Not a second after landing a boy of 12 with all too familiar brown hair and blue eyes jumps out, looking around Mother Base with a look of awe on his bruised face. The resemblance he shares with Eli and Snake is uncanny, his nose the same shape and his face built the same way, and it startles Kaz for a moment. He watches as the medical staff meets David; they try to get him on one of their gurneys but he shrugs them off, insisting to walk instead down to the Medical Platform with a few of the medics in a way so similar to Snake. Kaz shakes his head and heads closer to the chopper.

Snake makes his way out, his face tired and his fatigues covered in blood splatters. He carries an unconscious girl in his arms, pale face covered with cuts and bruises, matted honeyed hair not quite as light as Eli’s but not as dark as David’s. Even unconscious, Kaz can see that her nose is the same as Eli and David, her jaw the same cut line. That couldn’t be right…

“Welcome back, Boss,” Kaz greets Snake as Snake lays the unconscious girl on the stretcher the medics roll over. Immediately she’s put on oxygen and rolled quickly out of sight to the Medical  Platform.

Snake looks at Kaz and gives the hint of a gruff grin. “Thanks.” He pulls out a cigar and lights it, taking a large drag before looking back at Kaz. “We need to talk later, soon as I get out of these godawful rags.” 

The look he gives Kaz is filled with implications of what “talking” would be; it makes Kaz’s stomach flip. “Sure Boss,” Kaz says as they walk across Mother Base’s main platform. “What’s the story on the girl?” He asks the question both because he is genuinely curious but also to distract himself from Snake’s earlier implication. They reach the split off for showers and stop.

Snake looks ahead, taking another pull of his cigar. “No idea,” he tells Kaz, “but I’ll be damned if she doesn’t look like the twins.”

With that, they part ways, Kaz heading back to his office for no doubt more useless paperwork. 

 

Kaz’s office is definitely one of the nicer ones on base. A small sofa covered in worn brown pleather resides against one wall, a bookcase overflowing behind it and reading light in arms reach on a small table. The wooden desk - a luxury item, all things considered, especially the fact that it’s the only wooden desk on Mother Base, the rest metal and cold - faces the sofa from the opposite wall, covered in papers, the desk light glinting off Kaz’s folded reading glasses. There are more bookcases, each one cluttered and filled to bursting, and a transmission radio and headset rest on a small metal filing cabinet next to the desk. A rolling chair gives Kaz access to everything he needs behind the desk without having to get up and a plush arm chair near the door offers a place for guests to sit for those informal meetings. But the best part is the window opposite the door, wide and inviting, letting the sunlight in on days when Kaz struggles to get out of bed.

When Kaz first got back to Mother Base after being held by the Soviets, he tried to protest the room, claiming it was too nice and frivolous. As time passed though, he actually became incredibly  appreciative of it. He loves the quiet it offers him, the solitude from the chaos of day to day life. When Snake leaves for multiple days at a time, Kaz loves that he can fold himself up on the sofa after doing paperwork until his eyes blur, the way he doesn’t have to face the empty bed in his quarters and the night terrors that still come when he’s alone in it.

He enters the room and closes the door behind him, not bothering to lock it. The soldiers on base know better than to interrupt him while he’s at work in here; even Ocelot with his damn nosiness and meddling knows better. Kaz takes his coat off, the motion still frustratingly awkward, and throws it on his desk chair, his glove and beret landing on top of it. He eyes the papers on his desk with a frown; they don’t look terribly important or urgent, and he decides they can wait. He limps his way to the sofa, his crutch muffled on the worn office carpet. He sets the crutch so it’s leaning on the armrest and lays down, eyes shut.

Kaz quietly sighs and runs his finger and thumb up his nose to pinch the bridge. A dull ache settles across his temples. What the hell. Another kid on base, and not just two boys, but a teenage girl as well. How is that even going to work? Better yet, who is she and why was she with David? David was supposed to be the only rescue target…

A pair of warm, chapped lips press to his forehead and Kaz opens his eyes. He must have fallen asleep; the room is dark and outside the window, stars line the vast night sky. Snake looks at him, his eye soft as Kaz pulls himself up into a sitting position. He rubs his eyes under his aviators.

“Sorry Boss,” he mumbles apologetically, embarrassed at getting caught sleeping on the job. “I meant to do the papers, but-”

He’s cut off by Snake’s lips pressing against his quickly. “No apologies, Kaz,” Snake says. “Even warriors need to sleep now and again.”

Kaz grumbles under his breath as Snake helps him up and hands him his crutch. They make  their way out of the office and down the hall to Kaz’s sleeping quarters, Snake keeping pace with Kaz as they go. The clicking of his crutch echoes down the empty corridor and Kaz wonders if he’ll ever get used to it, to the lack of stealth and grace he once possessed. As they enter his room, he decides it doesn’t matter at the moment as Snake presses him against the wall, lips urgent and hard. Kaz presses back, biting Snake’s lower lip as he feels Snake’s hands running his face, his neck, undoing his tie, unbuttoning his shirt, the prosthetic a cool contrast to his flushed skin. Kaz leans his head back, panting, as Snake’s lips travel his chin, his neck, his chest, all other thoughts escaping his normally buzzing mind.

 

It isn’t until later, when they’re lying naked in bed, Snake’s prosthetic arm wrapped around Kaz’s bare waist, breath soft on his neck, that Kaz remembers his questions from earlier. As he begins to drift off, he decides to deal with them as they come up, Snake’s quiet breathing lulling him into dreamless sleep. 


	2. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is fluff and serious information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised updates and so here we go! This chapter got a little more serious than I expected. I really love the idea of Snake and Kaz trying to raise kids on Mother Base, but as I started writing, more and more began to happen. 
> 
> I don't own these characters. Also, all errors are mine. I read through it twice, but that really doesn't mean anything. Oh! And I figured out formatting, so I'm happy. :)
> 
> Enjoy! :)

_“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” – Lao Tzu_

Chapter 2: Silence

            Getting ready in the morning always makes Kaz appreciate the private bathroom afforded to him, one of the few on the entirety of base.  It means he doesn’t have to deal with the communal bathrooms, where he runs the risk of fellow soldiers seeing his weakness, his struggles.  He hates how long it takes him now to get dressed, especially the time wasted with his stupid tie.  Ties were not made to be done with one hand, he learned very quickly, but he always tries, fights it, just the same.  He’s always been very conscious about his uniform, making sure it’s pressed and neat, knowing it reflects his status as second in command to Snake; yet now he finds on most mornings he hates it.

            _If having half as many limbs takes twice as long_ , he muses to himself as he pulls once more on the red devil around his collar, _then maybe having double the limbs would cut time even more than the average person._   He laughs bitterly to himself.  Like that would even matter.  He’d settle for being a whole person again.  In the mirror, he sees his work is in vain, the back of the tie still longer than the front.  Kaz swears under his breath. 

            Figuring out how to do everything single handedly  - and with his left hand at that – has definitely been a learning curve, one he still struggles with all these months later.  There’s a reason he walks around base with a coarse layer of blond stubble these days.  If his handwriting on paperwork looks like that of a tipsy sailor at sea, there’s no way in hell he’s going to bring a straight edge to his face more than absolutely necessary.  Shit, maybe he should just grow it out like Snake’s, though he doubts he could grow one that full. 

            He starts to pull the tie out once more when a firm hand grabs his shoulder.  Kaz looks in the mirror, a scowl marring his face as he meets Snake’s eye.  He hates being found in these positions, these instances where he’s fumbling and failing.  Still, he doesn’t protest as Snake turns him around, only looks up at the ceiling in frustration.

            “I feel so goddamn useless sometimes,” Kaz grits through his teeth, clenching his eyes together hard so he sees stars in the darkness.  Snake fixes the tie with efficient hands, buttons the brass buttons on the forest vest over the sage shirt, smooths Kaz’s shoulders.

            “No.”  Snake’s voice is quiet but rough around the edges.  “You’re not useless.”

            Kaz opens his eyes, looks down at him.  “Really.” 

            It isn’t a question and Kaz raises an eyebrow over his aviator rims, skepticism and frustration boiling in his gut.  Snake wraps his face in both hands, pulls it down easily the few inch height difference, touches his bumped nose against Kaz’s straight one.

            “Really,” Snake breathes on Kaz’s chewed lips.  “And if you say it again, I swear I’ll punch some sense into you.”  Before Kaz can respond, Snake swiftly captures his lips, the rough mouth open and hot.  Kaz feels the heat in his gut change to desire and he closes his eyes, presses back hungrily, his hand gripping Snake’s neck, tongue mingling with Snake’s.  Too soon Snake breaks the kiss and Kaz lets out a disappointed sigh as he opens his eyes.  Snake flashes a quick playful grin.

            “Now let’s see what’s going on in Medical, Commander Miller,” he says as he slaps Kaz on the shoulder and walks away.  Kaz takes a moment to watch him as he goes, appreciating the way Snake’s back muscles ripple under his black tee shirt and the lay of cargo pants across his ass, before grabbing his crutch and beret to follow suit.

 

            Ocelot meets the two men at the Medical Platform.  “Gentlemen,” he greets in his smooth voice, lithely matching step without any effort. 

            Kaz grunts at him.  It’s not that he hates Ocelot, or even despises him at this point.  It’s more of an annoyance, really, but there’s no reason for the other man to know that.  Although, if he’s being honest with himself, Ocelot more than likely knows anyway; nothing seems to escape the cat.  Kaz rolls his eyes internally and keeps walking.

            “What do we know about them?” Snake asks as they pass the communal open areas, cots laid out in rows, to the more private wing of the Medical Platform.

            Ocelot takes a slight lead, guiding as the men go.  “Well, as we knew, David is an almost identical match to Eli, the key difference being Eli got the recessive traits and David got the dominant ones.”  He turns down a hallway, begins to slow his pace.  “Thanks to the increased body and mind stamina, he got away with no more than bruises.  They released him a few hours ago, as a matter of fact.”

            They come to a stop in front of a private room.  The door is shut but there’s a window with open blinds that allow Kaz to peer inside.  The girl from the previous day lays on the narrow bed, hooked to a saline drip and several pulsing machines.  There are yellow green bruises on her face.  Kaz looks at Ocelot and uses his head to gesture at the sleeping girl.

            “What about her?” he asks gruffly.

            “Ah,” says Ocelot, eyes lighting up slightly, as if he’s been waiting all morning to tell them this.  “She’s where things get interesting.  Her DNA matches David and Eli, but there aren’t any modifications done to it.  There’s a good possibility she’s an early trial of the Les Enfants Terribles, one from when Zero was just trying to see if cloning was going to work.  Her age would be about right if that’s the case.”

            Kaz frowns at Ocelot, trying to process.  “That can’t be right.  All the early attempts were either aborted or destroyed.”

            Ocelot gives a noncommittal shrug to Kaz’s deepening frown, the motion annoying Kaz for no other reason than Ocelot is the one doing it.

            “I have an intel group doing research into her as we speak.  We won’t know for sure until we find something.  The doctors say she’s undergone an intense amount of trauma while being held, and she doesn’t possess the physical or mental advantages of David, so she’s going to be here a while.  Poor thing has fractured ribs, bruising from head to toe…”

            As Ocelot trails off, Kaz remembers with a pang the tapes from nearly ten years prior, of the torture Paz and Chico underwent at the hands of Skullface.  Even if Paz was a double agent bitch, she didn’t deserve what he put her through and Kaz tightens the hand on his crutch, simultaneously wanting to punch something and throw up.  He swallows the bile in his throat, eyes the girl in the hospital bed; she looks young and vulnerable and so much like Snake it’s ridiculous.

            “Any sign of…” He can’t say it for some reason and hates himself for it.

            Ocelot knows what he’s asking though and quickly shakes his head.  “No,” he says quietly, his own relief shown in his grey eyes.

            Kaz unclenches his teeth.  He hears Snake shift ever so slightly beside him and clear his throat.

            “Does she have a name?” Snake asks, arms crossed on his chest.

            “I’m sure she does,” Ocelot says, “but we don’t know it.  When she’s awake, she doesn’t speak.  Not to doctors, nurses, or anyone else.”

            “Great,” Kaz mutters.  “Another Quiet.”  As if more kids on base wasn’t enough by itself.

            “Not exactly,” Ocelot corrects him and Kaz bristles at his tone.  “Quiet doesn’t speak because of the vocal parasites.  This girl” he motions with a red gloved thumb at the window “has the ability to speak.  The doctors believe she’s silent as a self-defense mechanism.”

            Kaz clutches and unclutches his crutch, thinking, as Snake moves beside him to the door.  It opens silently and Kaz watches with Ocelot as Snake makes his way slowly to the bed.  The girl opens her eyes and looks at him before turning her gaze to the window.  She locks eyes with Kaz briefly and he blinks, startled.  Her eyes are a deep blue violet.  He can’t keep the surprise out of his voice.  “Are you sure they didn’t do anything to her genes?”

            Ocelot nods.  “Yup.  I asked the same question.  She has Alexandria’s Genesis,” he says simply.  “It’s a rare genetic mutation.  Elizabeth Taylor has it.  It’s possible it surfaced in this girl during the cloning process, but there’s really no way of saying one way or another.”

            “How strange…” Kaz muses, more to himself than to the Russian beside him.

            Ocelot snorts.  “Says the man who always wears sunglasses.”

             Kaz makes a move to hit Ocelot with his crutch, but the latter avoids it easily and begins to walk away.  Over his shoulder, Ocelot looks once more at the girl in the room, Snake crouched at her eye level in an attempt to talk to her.  “I hope she starts talking soon.”  His spurs echo on the tile as he retreats down the hall.

            Kaz briefly watches him go before turning his attention back to Snake.  Snake’s features are soft and Kaz imagines his voice is soft too.  The girl turns her head away from him.  Snake stands up and leaves the room.  As he and Snake leave the Medical Platform to review missions and assemble teams, Kaz finds himself agreeing with Ocelot, hoping very faintly that the girl on the bed opens up soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got roadmaps for several more chapters at least. The next one might be somewhat serious as well, but then they'll lighten up again. :)  
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Family?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's a fight, some fluff, and the realization of awkward family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Here is the Saturday update!  
> This chapter is a little bit longer than I expected, but I felt it was important. All typos and errors are mine, and I don't own the characters. Also, I'm still trying to figure out format for some reason.  
> Enjoy! :)

 

_“Home is where you are loved the most and act the worst.” - Marjorie Pay Hinckley_

 

Chapter 3: Family?

 

            “Fuck you!”

            The sound of wood shattering follows the angry shout and Kaz sighs as he continues his way down the stairs to the main floor of Mother Base.  Why does he keep ordering furniture (specifically tables and chairs) that can be so easily destroyed by a freaking 12 year old kid who needs anger management?  He tallies another line to the running list in his head and makes a note to tell Ocelot to add yet another sum to “Eli’s Expenses” when the cowboy works on the budget later.

             Kaz honestly thought sending the other child soldiers to foster homes of retired MSF and Diamond Dog members would have calmed the “Lord of the Flies” mentality that possessed Eli.  But no such luck.  The anger toward authority, especially anything or anyone even remotely involved with Snake, seemed to fuel the boy like a wildfire running out of control.  As if on cue, Kaz turns the corner from the stairwell in time to see Eli about to throw punches at David, both boys holding their fists up, surrounded by broken bits of furniture.

            “Enough!” Kaz barks at them, slamming his cane forcefully on the ground.

            The twins turn in unison, one dark, one light, both pissed.  Kaz walks slowly towards them, eyeing them through his aviators critically, fully aware that he’s wearing the frown that sets young recruits cowering.  They don’t call him the “Hell Master” for nothing, after all, and even 12 year old genetically modified clone boys are not spared.

            “Fists down,” he commands, voice dangerously low. 

            David, frustration and anger in his blue eyes, slowly lowers his balled hands to his sides, shaking ever so slightly.  Eli, however, decides to take the opportunity to jump David and lunges for him.  As if Kaz hadn’t seen that coming.  Eli moves and Kaz swiftly lifts his crutch and strikes across the boy’s knees, pulling his legs out from under him and landing him on the floor.  He may be missing his arm and leg, but Kaz at least can still somewhat fight. 

            Eli’s not down for long though, leaping up easily and turning his attention towards Kaz.  This tango with Eli is not uncommon; the fighting spirit of his refuses to be crushed, tamed, or controlled in any manner.  In a way, Kaz can appreciate it, as he can see the old him, the him who would’ve blown himself up with a grenade if it meant not being captured by an enemy, in the boy.  But that was a lifetime ago it seems and now Kaz readjusts his weight to counter whatever Eli’s next move.

            It never comes though.  David, flushed in the face, slams Eli away from Kaz without warning and punches him solidly across the jaw.  Eli spits, red marring the metal floor beneath them, then wipes his mouth.  “I will fucking kill you,” he hisses at David, circling, David mirroring the movement.  By now, a group of soldiers has appeared, ready to step in at any moment.  Kaz is certain that’s the only reason Eli doesn’t full out attack David.

            David doesn’t flinch at the threat, just stares at his twin cooly, hands still balled as they circle, eyes unblinking as they bore into Eli’s green ones.  “Fine by me,” he says quietly, steel in his voice making him sound so much older.  “Though I doubt you’ll be able to.”

            “You son of a bitch-” Eli growls but David cuts him off.

            “Leave our mother out of this,” he says with the same steel tone.  “And keep Lilith out of it as well.  This is between you and me.”

            “Whatever,” Eli mutters as a recruit, Grizzly Sloth if Kaz remembers correctly, touches the boy’s shoulder, stopping him in place.  Eli throws his shoulders back defiantly, shrugging off the unwanted hand.  “She means nothing to me anyway.  None of you do.”  Eli looks at everyone around him in disgust and walks away.  “This isn’t over!” he yells over his shoulder.

            “Moron,” David mutters, just loud enough for Kaz to hear.

            Kaz feels the familiar ache build across his temples.  The headaches used to only happen every now and then, but since the ordeal in Afghanistan, the head pains have occurred more and more frequently, almost as frequently as the sting of his missing limbs.  He suspects they’re partly due to tension, but a small part of his mind keeps nagging that they’re more than likely due to the fact that his vision hasn’t exactly been the greatest since his 10 day torture session.  Medical staff has assured him that it won’t get worse, but they couldn’t guarantee anything about it getting better either.

            “I’m sorry, Commander Miller.”  David’s voice, filled with respect, pulls Kaz back to the present.  “I don’t know what I expected, but a broken table was not part of it.”

            Kaz looks at the brown haired boy beside him.  He isn’t used to adolescents overall, let alone ones who apologize.  Eli usually just stormed off with a curse of angry swear words, unless he was forced to help clean the mess he made; the child soldiers who idolized the sandy haired boy never said anything to Kaz one way or another.  But David has been nothing but polite, if not distant to some extent, with the adults on base.

            Even so, in the brief period of time David’s been on base, he’s shown flashes of the same anger Eli burns with when he thinks no one is watching.  The hatred born out of nothing but the resentment they were raised on seems to be a flame neither boy can shake.  But while Eli tends to be more impulsive, lashing out at everyone like a wildfire, David leans to the calmer, more focused end, the anger burning like coals inside of him. 

            “We don’t encourage fighting on base,” Kaz says, his tone more conversational than before as he looks at the soldiers cleaning the debris around them, feels his face soften ever so slightly.  “But sometimes it can’t be helped, especially with Eli.”  He looks at David.  “That was a pretty good punch you landed; next time, don’t curl your fingers so far in your fist though.”

            “Sir?” David asks, a puzzled look on his face.  “Did you just...compliment me?”

            “No,” says Kaz, walking away and motioning that David should come with him.  “Is Lilith the girl Boss brought back with you?”

            David looks thoughtful as they stop at the main helicopter landing pad.  “Yes sir,” he tells Kaz.

            Kaz nods and looks towards the hum of the incoming copter.  “Do you know anything else about her?”

            David smiles slightly.  “I’m pretty sure she’s my sister, though I had no idea she even existed until we ended up in that hole together.”  Almost as an afterthought, he adds, “She was kind to me, all things considered.  Even after she stopped talking.”

            Kaz thanks the boy and dismisses him as Snake jumps out of the copter.  Snake nods once to the soldiers who greet him and together he and Kaz walk to their shared room.  “Any word from intel about the girl in Medical?” Snake asks as they walk.

            Kaz shakes his head.  “The last update I heard from Ocelot was that she still isn’t talking but she is starting to interact with the staff more.  They’re going to release her in the next day or two.”  It was frustrating to say the least, but Kaz knew eventually intel would find something.  Even Cipher’s best laid secrets left some sort of trail behind.

            Snake grunts.  Kaz then fills him in on what happened between David and Eli, and what David had to say about the girl, Lilith.  “And he claims to have had no idea that she was even created,” he concludes as they walk into the bedroom, the door closing behind them.

            Snake starts taking his combat gear off, throwing it out on the floor by the dresser.  “Do you believe him?” he asks as he pulls the muddied shit over his head, tossing it carelessly on the pile.

            Kaz looks at the mess on the floor and wrinkles his nose.  “You know what?  I do for some reason.”  He looks at Snake.  “You know we’ve talked about this; stuff covered in muck-” he pushes the pile with his crutch “- doesn’t go in here.  There’s a reason I ordered us a laundry hamper, Boss.”

            Snake grins almost apologetically and steps towards Kaz.  “I’ll deal with it later,” he says as he takes Kaz’s beret and aviators off in quick motion before cupping his face.  Kaz rolls his eyes as their lips meet, trying to still be annoyed and failing.  Snake pushes Kaz forcefully onto the bed, pressing him into the mattress, crutch on the floor, lips hot and needy.  The burning desire in Kaz’s gut flares as it always does when Snake gets back from a mission.

            “I guess that’s fine for now,” Kaz mutters around Snake’s rough mouth before roughly grabbing Snake’s hair and throwing himself into the kiss.

 

            They’re still in bed later, something that usually doesn’t happen, sheets tangled around them as they enjoy the rare lazy moment away from any sort of crisis or mission on base.  Kaz lays on his stomach, watching Snake puff a cigar as he idly plays with the edge of his pillow.  Snake blows out a cloud of smoke, gazes down at Kaz. 

            “Why do you think they hate me so much, Kaz?”

            Kaz knows immediately who the “they” are Snake refers to and bites his lower lip in thought.  It wasn’t really something he had thought about before, though he supposes he probably should have.  The anger in the twins was apparent to everyone, and not just how it was directed at each other, but at Snake as well.

            “Well,” Kaz says slowly, working the thoughts through his quick mind as he speaks, looking at the pillow edge he’s worrying.  “It probably has something to do with the fact that from a young age they had it beat in them constantly that you’re the bad guy.  Just like they’ve always been taught that each other is their rival.” 

            He looks at Snake.  Snake stares straight ahead, his blue eye unclear, unfocused.  “How do I change that, I wonder,” Snake muses, taking another puff of his cigar.

            Kaz barks a laugh.  “Seriously?  For one, you spend time with them.”

            Snake looks at him curiously.  “Don’t I already?”

            Kaz shakes his head.  “A passing hi is not spending time with them.  A quick wave while going off on another mission is not spending time with them.  Spending time is like bonding stuff, you know like movies and meals together and teaching them to play softball or something…” He trails off as another thought catches him.  “John...what are we going to do with these kids for the long term?”

            Snake crushes his cigar tip in the ashtray on the bedside table.  “We can’t risk them being a target again for Cipher, so foster homes are out…” The glint in his eye changes ever so slightly and Kaz knows what he’s going to say before the words leave his scarred lips.  “I think they’re with us indefinitely then.  We can’t promise them complete safety on Mother Base, but we can at least offer them a home.”

            And with a sigh, Kaz knows that is that.  Somehow, they’ve just become parents to two angry adolescent boys and a mute teenage girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> See you next Saturday for chapter 4!  
> ~Birdie


	4. Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was trying to only update once a week, but I'm like four chapters ahead of what I'm posting, so I really need to get this up. You know, so I don't keep editing, lol.  
> But in all seriousness, this fic is my stress relief for this semester and the feedback you guys give is awesome. So thank you for trekking with me on this journey that keeps me sane right now. :) Also, unbeta'd, so all errors are mine.  
> Enjoy!

_“We must take care of our families wherever we find them.” - Elizabeth Gilbert_

Chapter 4: Tea

            Kaz sits at his desk, irritably tapping his pen against his lips.  The documents before him are the most boring thing he’s seen this month and are, in the scheme of things, pretty insignificant; yet they are for some reason ranked as high priority and he’s spent most of his day reading and signing off on them.  As if he doesn’t have enough to do while Snake’s out on his current mission.  Kaz suspects the damn Russian cowboy has something to do with the increase of reports found on his desk this morning.  He finds himself thinking of possible ways to get back at the cat for making his life miserable today.  Maybe he should take all his scarves and hide them?  Or would that be too much work?

            A knock on the door interrupts his thoughts.  “Enter, and it better be good,” Kaz snaps irritably, not looking up from the forms on the desk, pushing his square reading glasses up his nose.  The reading glasses have become a new part of office work, something he never thought he would need.  Yet the damage his eyes took now require them to help him focus on the fine print of the daily reports.  He’s been thinking about ordering a pair of prescription aviators so he can still wear his sunglasses while working, but for now he has to settle for closed blinds and reading glasses.

            Ocelot’s voice fills the space.  “And this is Commander Miller,” he explains conversationally, “who is second in command to Big Boss.  He can be a little on the cranky side, as you can tell, but it gets better when Boss gets back and he’s able to get-”

            “What do you want, Ocelot?” Kaz barks, cutting the other off as he finally looks up over the rims of the readers, flushed in annoyance at the silver haired man in the doorway.  Ocelot wears a smirk and in that moment, Kaz decides that all of those stupid red scarves are going to not only be taken, but possibly burned.  “It’s no one’s damn business about my crankiness, you nosy son-of-a-”

            “Ah ah,” Ocelot says, still smirking.  “We have a lady present.”

            He gestures beside him and Kaz notices the violet eyed girl for the first time.  She looks between Ocelot and Kaz with curiosity and cautious amusement on her face, her honeyed hair down around her slight shoulders.  The sight of her catches Kaz off guard and he sits up a little straighter, trying to ease the grump lines on his face.

            “Oh,” he says.  “Sorry, I didn’t realize…” He trails off as Lilith enters the office and begins peering at the overflowing bookshelves.  Kaz turns his attention back to Ocelot.  “I know you’re the reason these are priority today, by the way.”  He narrows his eyes as he gestures with his pen to the stack in front of him.  Ocelot shrugs, unaffected.

            “Maybe,” he says before turning to walk off, “but I wouldn’t dwell too much on it, Miller, you’re busy enough as it is.”  He waves lithely over his shoulder before walking out, closing the door behind him.

            Kaz stares at the door for a moment, still fuming.  Finally he releases a breath and turns to the girl in his office.  Lilith’s peering interestedly over several volumes of U.S. history books Kaz has collected over time, her fingers trailing the spines.  She’s wearing borrowed clothes from Quiet, jeans rolled at the bottom and a too long tee shirt, the things the assassin no longer has use for.  Kaz pulls out a legal pad and scrawls a quick note to order Lilith some clothes of her own.  David, not surprisingly, was the same size as Eli and had been wearing the outfits the latter refused to, thus eliminating the need to buy him clothes.  But Lilith was going to need clothes of her own.  While he’s at it, he also makes a note to look at room furnishings for Lilith as well, as he seriously doubts the sterile military basics would appeal to her…

            When he’s done, Kaz looks back at the teen.  “So Lilith, right?” he asks casually and she turns to look at him, giving a slight nod. “Interesting name, one with a long history, too,” Kaz muses, these sort of things one of many facets he finds interesting. “Adam’s first wife who refused to be submissive, thrown out as a demon.  She’s referred to as Night Monster in Jewish folklore...”

            Lilith wrinkles her nose as if the mention of it leaves a bad taste in her mouth and Kaz quickly fumbles, realizing his mistake.  “It also means Storm Goddess, you know?  In the different translations.”  He points at himself with a slight grin, trying to lighten the girl a little.  “Much better than Kazuhira for peace.”

            Lilith just looks at him, then turns back to his bookshelf.  Kaz internally kicks himself.  A 15 year old girl named after monsters and goddesses probably didn’t want to talk about it with someone she didn’t know and he should have known better.  Fuck ups: 1, Kaz: 0.  For a moment, he almost wishes Quiet wasn’t on assignment with Snake, not that he would admit that to anyone on base.  At least she would probably have a better handle on how to relate to the teenage girl in his office.  Kaz picks up his pen and plays with it, trying to decide what to do next, the silence ringing in his ears.  And then it hits him, one of the few things he remembers from his mother, her voice echoing in his memory. 

_Kazuhira, we have company coming.  Why haven’t you put the water on the stove?_

            “That’s it!” Kaz decides a little more forcefully than he intended.  He throws the pen on the desk, causing Lilith to turn around.  The reports can wait and if Ocelot whines about it, he can do them.  Kaz swaps the readers for his standard aviators, stands up, and meets the girl’s surprised eyes as he grabs his crutch but not his jacket.  “Let’s have tea.”  He moves to the door and looks at her over his shoulder.  “Come on, kid.”

            Lilith follows silently as they walk down the hall to the private quarters.  “It’s not much, but it’s home,” Kaz announces as he opens the door and ushers the teen in.  The room is simple, the full sized bed branching out from the right wall with a night side table at one side, a basic dresser on the other.  A small radio with a cassette player rests on a cabinet by a small bookshelf on the left near the door leading to the private bathroom, while two sitting chairs by the window across from the door, a small table between them. 

            “Sit anywhere you want.  Also,” he says as he moves towards the small radio desk, “don’t take anything Ocelot says seriously.  The guy is contradictory just for the sake of it and enjoys stirring things up.  Probably should have started talking with that.” 

            Kaz opens one of the cabinet doors and pulls out an electric water pitcher, awkwardly holding it and his crutch at the same time; usually Snake was here when he decided to make tea and helped Kaz with the more difficult aspects of it.  He sighs, frustrated yet again with himself; this used to be something he could do in his sleep.  A pair of pale slim hands appear.  Kaz looks up and sees Lilith take the electric pitcher from his hands. 

            “Uh, thanks,” he says as he moves to the nightside table.  “If you don’t mind, could you fill it in the bathroom sink?  That’s what Boss and I normally do.”  As he hears the bathroom door open and the water run, he rummages through the nightstand drawer until he finds his small tea box.  He pulls it out, holding it between his crutch handle and forefingers and shuffles to the chairs by the window.  He rests his crutch beside him as he sits down, places the tea box on the table.

            Lilith reappears, the water pitcher full, and looks at him, waiting.  Kaz finds himself ghosting a smile in spite of himself at her and her seemingly willingness to help.  “You can plug that in right here,” he gestures to the outlet by the table he’s at, “and there are mugs and spoons where I got it from.  Nothing too fancy, I’m afraid, but they work well enough.”

            Lilith plugs the pot in and goes to the cabinet, returning with two mugs sporting the “I heart DD” design Huey created a lifetime ago and standard issue mess hall spoons.  Kaz knows he could have gotten them himself, and in a way he feels like he should, since he was in fact the one who brought tea up.  But the teen doesn’t seem to mind and he’d rather not deal with the extra effort of juggling things in front of her.  She sits across from him, gazing out the window at the ocean below.  Kaz looks out as well, enjoying the view of the white caps boiling on the water.  Below them, on deck, men in uniforms move about.  He must have spent more time in his office than he realized as the sun is just beginning to lower towards the endless horizon.

            Kaz turns back to Lilith.  “My mother taught me to make tea when I was a child in Japan,” he says quietly.  Lilith looks at him with her head slightly to the side, and Kaz takes it as encouragement to continue.  “One of the few things I took away from her, I guess, while growing up in Japan.  The country never wanted me, and yet I tried so hard to belong.” He laughs quietly to himself, almost self depricating.  “Even though, my mother at least cared, and tea was what we always shared.  Since then, I’ve found that tea is one thing that can always be relied on, a taste of home.”  The ghost of the smile still lingers, an oddity in his world these days, as he looks at Lilith in her strange eyes.

           “Anyway,” Kaz says, leaning in toward the table, his tone more business like, “the trick is to put the tea bag in the bottom of the mug before you add the water.  America has a lot of things right, but making tea’s one of those things they will never figure out.”  He shakes his head.  “If you put the tea bag in after the water, it doesn’t taste the same, and if anyone tells you differently, they’ve never had good tea.”

           The electric pot lets out a hum, a steady line of steam escaping it’s spout.  Kaz nudges the tea container towards Lilith.  “There’s camomile and green tea, and I’m pretty sure there are still a few packs of the Earl Grey if Snake hasn’t drank it all yet.”  As he talks, Lilith opens the tin and pokes through the colorful individual packets.  She pulls out a yellow one (Kaz notes it’s camomile for future reference) and puts it on the table by her cup before pushing the tin back towards him.

           Kaz pulls out a green bag.  Even though Japan never truly felt like a home to him, green tea is one of the few things he is truly grateful for from his upbringing.  It was something that calmed him as a child and continues to keep him balanced as an adult.  When he made tea for Snake for the first time while they recorded their conversations during the MSF days, it was green tea.  Even now, when the phantom pains are bothering Kaz and he can’t sleep because of them, Snake fills the electric pot and they have tea together, Kaz with his green and Snake with his black, watching the water dance under the mixture of moonlight and the lights on Mother Base.

          Kaz rips the package open using his teeth, then drops the bag into his mug, satisfied as Lilith follows his lead, opening her yellow pack slowly and setting the bag carefully in her mug.  Maybe he didn’t fuck up as badly earlier as he thought.  Then ever so slowly, Kaz lifts the pot and pours the hot water into the mugs, first in Lilith’s (because guests are always served first) and then in his.  Lilith pokes the bag around with her spoon, watching her cup intently. 

          “It’s better if you just let it sit for a few minutes,” Kaz tells her without thinking and she puts the spoon down, looking at Kaz worriedly.  He recognizes the look with a pain in his stomach: it’s the way recruits look when they’re afraid they’ve insulted him or fucked something up on a mission, waiting for the angry blow of words.  But she’s not a recruit and this isn’t a mission.  Instead, she’s Snake’s clone daughter, which makes her Kaz’s daughter too somehow. 

           Though neither of them have actually called the twins or Lilith their children, after the conversation in bed where Snake all but laid claim to them, it’s become an unspoken assumption between them.  Kaz used to say he hated kids and even grumbles about it still from time to time, but it’s not really true, even where Eli is concerned.  Especially not with the girl across from him who really doesn’t know him from Adam.  (Except for Adam in reference to Ocelot that is.  Kaz is pretty sure she’s figured out they aren’t cut from the same cloth so to speak, though he doubts she knows his name is Adam.)

           “Know what?  Scrap that,” Kaz tells Lilith as light as he can manage.  “You make it however you want; there’s no way to mess it up from here anyway.” 

            And then to emphasize the point he pokes his own tea bag around with his spoon, swirling it around his mug a few times.  Lilith relaxes a bit, picks up her cup, and turns back to the window.  Kaz picks up his mug as well and follows her gaze as the sun dips below the ocean, the sky fading from orange to violet to indigo to deep blue black as they drink their tea in a comfortable silence. 

 

           The mugs are empty, Lilith curled up in the chair with her arms around her knees, eyes shut while Kaz skims the most recent paper, squinting behind his aviators, when Snake opens the bedroom door.  DD rushes in, barking and running to Lilith, waking her as he lifts his paws on her and licks at her face.  Kaz rolls his eyes at the dog as he sets the paper down and stands.  Lilith pushes DD off and stands as well, looking between the two men and the dog, scratching DD on the head as if it is the most natural thing in the world.  Snake nods at her, half a smile on his face as he eyes the empty mugs and water pitcher.

          “Kaz make you tea?” he asks knowingly and Lilith nods with a yawn.  Kaz wonders how late it is.

          “You should probably walk her to her room so she doesn’t get lost,” Kaz tells Snake, and he can tell by the way Snake looks blankly at him that it’s something that hasn’t crossed his mind.

          “Oh,” Snake says, blinking.  “Good idea, Kaz.  DD, let’s go!”  Snake lightly ruffles Lilith’s hair in an awkward motion as they walk out the door, DD at the girl’s heels.  She makes eye contact with Kaz before she turns and rolls her eyes, making him laugh quietly to himself. 

 

          When Snake gets back, Kaz is already in bed, half asleep.  He feels the warm body lay by his back, arms wrapped around his chest.  “You know,” Snake whispers in his ear, “that was really nice of you.”

          Kaz shrugs, not opening his eyes.  “It was the least I could do,” he mumbles as he falls the rest of the way into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was worried this was getting a little self serving, but my husband is a die hard Metal Gear fan and so I've been running ideas by him. So far, so good. :) 
> 
> See you at the next chapter!  
> ~Birdie


	5. Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paintball? Say what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all!  
> This chapter was really hard to write (as was the one that comes after) but I think that's good because it means I'm stretching my writer muscles. Anyway, this week is a heavy homework week, so enjoy a super early update while I smother myself in lesson plans! :)  
> As usual, not beta'd and I take all blame for errors.  
> ~Birdie

Chapter 5: Bonding

 

_“Unexpected adventure makes for a better story.” - Lynn O’Rourke_

 

            “You have got to be kidding, Boss.”

            Kaz sits at his desk, pen tapping irritably on his current budget reports.  He isn’t sure he heard the voice on the other end of his headphones correctly.

            “No.  I’m serious.” Snake says as if it should be obvious.  “You told me I need to spend time with the boys.  So I thought you would like this idea.”

            Kaz closes his eyes momentarily, eyebrows pulled together.  “I did say that,” he concedes with a sigh.  “But paintball on the R & D platform?  Isn’t that a little...excessive?”

            Snake pauses on the other end of the radio, his voice gravelly over the static when he speaks again.  “Kaz...Code Talker told me you were going to wrap a lamb burger in cotton candy to make it...what was the word he used?  Oh, right.  ‘Fluffy.’”

            Kaz nearly drops the pen.  “He told you that?”  He’s really glad Snake isn’t here to see his face right now.  Sneaky parasite scientist.  Kaz scrunches his face.  He should have never used Code Talker as a test market, even if Miller’s Maxi Buns is doing so much better because of his advice.

            Snake chuckles quietly as DD barks behind him.  “Point is, Kaz,” he says over the static, “Paintball makes a lot more sense.”

            “Fine,” sighs Kaz, resigned.  “Just don’t bring up the cotton candy burger again.  I swear, if anyone else hears that-”

            “You worry too much, Kaz.”  Snake laughs for real this time, DD joining in.  “We’re just getting to ready leave the landing zone, by the way.  Also, haven’t talked to Ocelot about this yet, so maybe you should.”

            Kaz spins a little in his chair, a carryover habit from the MSF days when he couldn’t sit still while waiting to go on a mission with Snake.  “Got it, I’ll fill him in.  Safe travels Boss.”

            “Thanks.  Out.”

            “Out.”

 

            Kaz leaves his office with a sigh.  The pain in his leg feels worse today and as he steps outdoors, he can smell the hint of rain in the air, the sky overcast, a few misty drops here and there.  Hopefully the rain won’t last too long; it always makes the joins where his limbs used to be ache worse, the way some people get migraines when a front rolls through.  Even so, he still enjoys the change from sun and heat.  He walks slowly, enjoying the smell of the sea and ozone as he makes his way to the outdoor training area.

            When Kaz arrives at the training pad, he isn’t surprised by what he sees.  Eli and David are locked in close quarters combat, Ocelot circling them slowly, his spurs rattling ever so slightly.  To the side, Quiet sits with Lilith, brushing the younger girl’s hair as Lilith sketches on the notepad she confiscated from Kaz’s office the week prior.  She holds it up, showing something to Quiet, who smiles in response.  He can barely hear Quiet humming above the shouts of the boys in the circle.

            “You are such a git!” Eli yells, dodging a punch from David.  “You can’t even hit me!”

            David just looks at him.  Eli rushes the darker boy, but David’s movements are quick and within a moment Eli is on the ground. 

“You were saying?” he asks quietly as Eli launches himself off the ground.

            Ocelot tilts his head ever so slightly.  “Eli,” he cautions, “try to use your head more.  Just throwing punches won’t help you.  Try to think of his next move.”

            Eli grinds his teeth.  “Screw you,” he snarls, though Kaz notices that Eli doesn’t throw another punch like he would normally. 

Even with the attitude when he snaps, even with the anger lines in his face, the boy doesn’t immediately react.  It’s surprising; Kaz can’t remember ever seeing Eli this restrained.  Maybe there’s hope for him yet.  Maybe this whole makeshift family thing is going to work.  The thought makes something move in Kaz’s chest and he quickly pushes it back down for analysis later.

            David makes a move and Eli counters, catching his twin’s fist and twisting, landing David on the ground for a brief moment.  “Not bad,” Ocelot tells him before acknowledging Kaz. “Now push-ups while I talk with Commander Miller here.”

            Ocelot steps aside from the boys to stand beside Kaz.  “Training progress going well?” he asks gruffly, still trying to dismiss the emotions connected with ‘family’ and ‘hope’, watching the twins instead of meeting the Russian’s eyes.

            Ocelot nods once.  “If Eli can get that anger under control, he’ll be one hell of a fighter.  David’s all planning and strategy.”

            Kaz nods once before looking at the silver haired man beside him.  “Good.”

            Ocelot meets his gaze.  “That’s not all you came here for, I’m sure, Miller.”

            Kaz sighs.  “Boss wants to have a paintball match with them,” he says, using his crutch to point to the boys sparring, a feeling the slight frown on his face deepen ever so slightly.

            Ocelot keeps a straight face, just the hint of a smile at the corners of his lips.  “I like it,” he says, voice still the same canter as always, but eyes brimming with excitement.  “We can set up on the R & D platform, have Pequod fly around the pad with a few of us in the copter monitoring progress, maybe have a few guys down below for penalties, possibly have Quiet shoot from ariel with her own paintball gun if things get too rowdy…”

            (At the mention of her name, Kaz can see Quiet out of his peripheral vision look over slightly before continuing to play with Lilith’s hair.)

            Kaz scrunches his face.  This cannot be happening.  “Seriously?  Do you realize how much that’ll take out of resources?”  The budget really doesn’t look bad, but it’s the one argument he has to stand on at this point.

            Ocelot gives a half shrug.  “So?  How often do you get to watch that sort of thing?  And be honest, Miller,” he adds, leaning close, “You know you want to see Eli get taken down with paintballs.”

            A thud from where David and Eli are saves Kaz from having to answer.  The truth is, he actually finds the idea of the kid getting knocked shot with a few paintballs a very satisfying proposition.  But he doesn’t want to agree with Ocelot more than absolutely necessary, and he also doesn’t completely want to be in a helicopter with Quiet for however long paintball would play out.  GMP looks really good though...

            The sound of heavy punches pulls Kaz out of his thoughts.  Eli and David are both on the ground, pummeling the living daylights out of each other.  Ocelot calmly looks at Kaz and shakes his head, then grabs a filled bucket from the sidelines that Kaz hadn’t noticed before.  Ocelot then promptly douses the boys without a seeming second thought.  Getting drenched with cold water momentarily stuns the boys into silence as they lay on the ground like drowned rats. 

             “Enough,” Ocelot says.  “Training’s over.  Clean up.”

            As the boys stand, a giggle mingles with Quiet’s humming, causing Kaz and Ocelot to both look over to the sidelines.  Lilith, pencil in hand, covers her mouth quickly, eyes bright for the first time in the month she’s been on base, a slight flush on her pale face.  Eli, shaking his hair and hands out with the start of a nasty bruise on his cheek, turns on her. 

            “Shut up, purple eyed freak.”

            “Eli!” Kaz snaps.  He starts moving, but it turns out to be unnecessary.

            A hairbrush comes flying from where Quiet and Lilith are, whacking solidly against Eli’s head.  Kaz looks over as Eli letting out slurry of swears.  Quiet has her battle eyes on, the dark running cover making her even more intimidating than usual as she stares Eli down.  He stares back, eyes defiant, but does nothing.  Quiet stands and Lilith flips her middle finger at Eli slowly, making sure he sees it before he stalks off.

            “Whatever,” he mutters under his breath as he rounds the corner.  “Mute freaks.”

            David makes his way by, wiping his bloody nose on his sleeve.  He nods briefly in acknowledgement as he passes Kaz, making his way to the purple eyed girl.  If he’s intimidated by Quiet’s stance beside her, he doesn’t let it show. 

“I think your eyes are cool,” David tells her, as somber as someone at a funeral.

            Lilith just shrugs and doesn’t meet his eyes, instead grabbing her sketchbook off the ground as she stands.  She walks across the platform in the opposite direction as Eli.  Quiet’s battle eyes dissipate and she does one more sweep of the men on deck before following the younger girl.  David looks at Kaz and Ocelot, face serious, his nose no longer bleeding, lip swollen.

            “I tried,” David says matter of factly.

            “Indeed you did,” Ocelot confirms.  “Now go get cleaned up.  Good job in CQC today, by the way.”

            David nods once at the dismissal and heads off, following Eli’s invisible path.  Kaz wonders if he’ll ever stop acting like an old man inside a child’s body.  He decides that’s something they need to work on: getting the darker twin to loosen up a bit.  Maybe actually enjoy himself for once.  If the progress with Eli is any indicator, there’s definitely hope for David too.

            Since the platform is clear, Kaz starts back to the helicopter pad to meet Snake.  To his great annoyance, Ocelot keeps pace with him, those damned boots of his clattering on the ground with each step.  The drizzle from before turns into a light shower as they walk.  The water droplets splatter on Kaz’s aviators but he ignores it. 

            “I think Quiet’s starting to rub off on Lilith some,” Ocelot says conversationally as they walk, hands behind his back.  “When she first got here, she more than likely would have ignored Eli.  The finger was a little...unexpected.”  He pauses slightly and chuckles to himself ever so slightly before adding, “Though not unpleasant.”

            In spite of himself, Kaz smiles a little.  “Yeah, maybe Quiet being around isn’t the worse thing ever.”

 Kaz doesn’t know why he tells Ocelot this; he’s not even sure why he’s starting to not hate the assassin.  Maybe it’s because he’s felt protective of Lilith ever since they had tea and Quiet looks after her like a little sister.  And it’s true; even for not speaking, the girl is starting to pick up some sass.  But no matter.  He’s just admitted to Ocelot that it wasn’t a terrible idea to bring Quiet on base, so maybe he’s just losing his mind at last.

            Ocelot slaps him on the shoulder.  “Glad you finally agree,” he says with a smirk as they reach the helicopter pad, and Kaz wants to not only take his god awful scarf but also trip him a few times with his crutch.  The thoughts are fruitless though since Snake and DD greet them at the pad; DD runs to Ocelot like an old friend, tail wagging, fur dripping already.  Snake smiles at DD licking Ocelot before heading to Kaz, the two of them walking slowly in the rain.

            “So…” Snake starts, a grin on his face, “Paintball?”

            Kaz just groans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, my lovelies! :)  
> See you at the next update!  
> ~Birdie


	6. Paintball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they play paintball on the R and D platform....because reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just...I don't even know with this chapter.  
> It was both fun and incredibly difficult for me to write, and I'm not sure it's more than anything but a total crack chapter.  
> But! Here it is! :) So hopefully enjoy!  
> (Unbeta'd and all errors are mine, which is sad because I'm an English Ed major and should understand proofreading by now.)  
> ~Birdie

Chapter 6: Paintball

 

_“Insanity runs in my family.  It practically gallops.” - Cary Grant_

 

            “Listen carefully!  Today, you are soldiers.”

            Kaz paces across the line in front of him, his crutch making clicking noises along the finally dry asphalt.  Snake stands with a twin on either side, all of them decked in fatigues and gear.  David wears a bandana around his forehead much like Snake used to, and Eli has a glint for blood in his eyes.  Snake looks almost like a kid at Christmas, the same excitement spread across his face that comes with a huge mission.

            Kaz looks each of them in the eye as he paces.  The paintball idea was in full fruition, and as much as he wanted to still grumble about it, Snake had...persuaded him to change his mind about it the night before.  The bruises along Kaz’s shoulders and back, hidden under his green uniform, were worth conceding to the plan at long last.  And if he’s being fair, he is rather enjoying bossing the three in front of him more than he expected.           

            “The rules are simple,” he barks, all business.  This isn’t just an attempt at family building for Snake; this is training for the twins.  “The entire R and D platform is fair game.  Each of you has different paintballs in your arsenal.”  Ocelot hands out paintball gun to Snake and the twins as Kaz speaks.  “Eli, you’re green.  David; blue.  Boss; white.”

            Eli rolls his eyes.  “This is stupid.  Why are we doing this?”

            Kaz stops in front of him and stares him down behind his aviators.  “It’s training.  And before you say you don’t need it,” he says as Eli starts to open his mouth to protest, “I just want to remind you that all soldiers on this base train constantly.  If you want to one day go back to fighting, you will train.”

            Kaz goes back to pacing, ignoring Eli’s grumbling.  “You will have three half hour matches.  You each have one flag strapped to the back of your fatigues.  Your mission is to not lose your flag while taking your opponents.  If you lose your flag, you are out of the match.”

            David’s face is dead serious as he holds his paintball rifle and he nods once.  Eli looks at Snake and then at David.  “I will fuck you both up,” he hisses.  David rolls his eyes.  Snake puts a hand on each of their shoulders and in unison they shrug him off.

            Kaz ignores it.  “There are penalties as well,” he says, looking especially hard at Eli.  “While the entire platform is open game, you may not leave the platform at any time.  You may not set up traps, nor may you use weapons beyond the rifle in your hands.  Also, no physical combat beyond what is necessary; so no punching, kicking, or knocking each other’s teeth in.  Use stealth.  Use your heads.”

            Kaz stops pacing.  “Your sister,” he motions with his crutch to a vantage point above the platform, “will be watching for penalties.”

            Lilith salutes, legs dangling over the platform edge, enjoying the sunshine.  She’s wearing torn jeans and an off the shoulder sweater that Quiet got her on the way back from the last mission with Snake.  There’s a red whistle around her neck.  A large cardboard box sits besides her.  On her face rests a spare pair of aviators that Kaz gave her after she dejectedly sat on his office sofa after Eli’s stupid comment.  While her eyes really aren’t that strange, Kaz of all people knows what it’s like to be self conscious of it, something he’s felt since his own were damaged; giving her his spare glasses seemed like the best thing he could do.

            “She’s not my sister,” Eli mutters crossly.

            David whips his head to look at the blond.  “Would you shut up already?  No one cares what you think.”

            “Enough,” Ocelot says calmly from the sidelines by Quiet, arms crossed and eyes cool. 

            The twins fall silent.  Kaz nods once at Ocelot before finishing.  “If she sees you doing anything, and I mean anything, that can be considered a penalty, she blows her whistle.  We won’t be able to hear it, but Quiet will.  If Quiet hears the whistle, she shoots the offender with a red paintball.  Three hits and you are eliminated from the match.  That box also has some items Lilith can use to make things more interesting should she decide to.”

            Eli scoffs.  He’s about to say something when a water balloon splashes behind him.  “What the hell?!” he yells as all three turn.  Kaz feels the upturn of his lips as he spies Lilith, another balloon in hand, waving at Eli with a smile before tossing it; it aims true and splashes on the ground in such a way that Snake and David also get a little wet.  David just blinks; Snake chuckles, then gives her a thumbs up which she returns before sitting down again.

            The whir of a helicopter starts behind Kaz.  Quiet and Ocelot move into place.  “Finally,” Kaz snaps, “there are soldiers on the ground who we’ll be in radio contact with.  If they witness a penalty, we will know and you will be hit.  Clear?”  All three nod.  Kaz nods once.  “You have ten minutes to organize yourselves.  Starting...now!”

            As all three disperse, Kaz moves into the helicopter.  He sits on the opening edge between Ocelot and Quiet as Pequod lifts off.  Ocelot has a pair of binoculars and a slight smirk on his lips, clearly enjoying what’s about to happen.  Kaz suspects he would have popcorn if he had thought about it.  As for her part, Quiet hums softly, holding her paintball rifle across her lap, battle eyes on.  She too looks somewhat amused.  Kaz holds his iDroid in hand, timing down as the helicopter circles.

            “And it looks like Eli is already heading for the air vents,” Ocelot narrates.  “David seems to be taking a different approach, burrowing under a cardboard box.  How fitting.”  He chuckles and Kaz shakes his head.  “Boss has his own box fort built up, it seems…Can’t say I’m surprised…”

            The first match begins.  Not five minutes in there’s a penalty for Eli.  “Ah, there goes the whistle,” Ocelot says conversationally from behind his binoculars as Quiet shoots Eli.  “Eli just flipped Lilith off.  Oh, she’s sticking her tongue out.  How old is she again?  Oh, right, 15.  I guess that’s appropriate…And now he’s shaking his fist at us, how cute...”

            As Ocelot continues his current of narration, Kaz finds he’s enjoying this more and more than he thought he would.  He notices Quiet also enjoying herself, a slight smile on her lips every time she shoots someone below.  The first match passes with Eli out in a matter of time due to his desire to try to punch Snake or David when coming across them.  Snake, also using a cardboard box (what else? Kaz thinks), ends it by taking David’s flag.  Things stay fairly consistent with the boys antagonizing each other and Snake stealing their flags until the last match.  Fifteen minutes in and there’s a surprising change of game play. 

            “It appears the boys are working together,” Ocelot says, a little impressed.  “I guess they must have gotten tired of Boss winning...We’ll see how long this lasts, what with Eli and that temper...”

            Kaz squints hard to focus.  Out of everything that’s been planned for this, no one even thought to bring multiple pairs of binoculars.  Typical.  Finally, frustrated with his eyes, he reaches over to take the binoculars from Ocelot.  The cowboy hands them over without a word.  Sure enough, Eli and David are on the ground in what appears to be discussion.  They separate and he can see each of them go the same direction on different paths.

            He picks up his radio.  “Flaming Buffalo, keep an eye on them, they’re headed northwest.”

            “Got it, out.”

            “Well, what’s going on?  You can’t take the binoculars and not fill us in,” Ocelot pouts.  Kaz grunts, rolls his eyes, and hands the binoculars back.  Ocelot makes a more interesting narrator anyway today.

            Ocelot takes the binoculars back and his stream of conscious narration begins almost instantly.  “Eli’s rounding a corner...he’s looking at us and flipping us off, the little jackal...and now David’s on the opposite end.  And it looks like they’ve found Boss...Oh, they’re tag teaming on him using only visual cues...aaaaaand that’s match.  Though I think,” he says as the helicopter lowers, “that Boss might have let them win that one.”

            Quiet’s out of the helicopter before Pequod even has it landed, turning invisible as soon as she hits the ground.  Ocelot jumps out smoothly and Kaz begrudgingly lets the cat help him out of the chopper.  Once he’s stable on the ground, Ocelot lets go of Kaz and they walk to meet Snake and the twins.  Kaz, wondering where Quiet went and not 100% sure he cares, happens to look up.  The assassin stands with Lilith on the platform above R and D, each holding a side of the box of water balloons as Snake and the twins walk by.  Almost in slow motion, the two girls turn the box upside down, unleashing a waterfall of colorful balloons that burst like rain shower grenades, soaking the guys below.

            Kaz isn’t sure if it’s the mischievous looks on Quiet’s and Lilith’s faces as they high five each other or if it’s the fact that Snake, David, and Eli look like soaked stunned rats.  Maybe it’s because that sort of thing doesn’t happen on Mother Base the way it used to in Costa Rica during MSF days, when he himself would have been instigator, roping in Chico and Paz along for the ride.  Whatever it is, Kaz feels a laugh creeping it’s way up his chest and throat.  He tries to keep it down but it doesn’t obey, bursting forth like a geyser, one that hasn’t erupted in years.  He can’t remember the last time he laughed, really, truly laughed.  As it continues to break forth, he hears Snake’s bellowing laugh and light chuckles from Ocelot. 

            Kaz finally composes himself enough to stand straight and look around.  Eli’s already stalking off and David has a small smile on his face as he follows.  Snake, soaked and covered in paintballs and sweat, walks up to him and leans close. 

           “I’ve missed your laugh,” he whispers against Kaz’s still flushed face.  And before Kaz can say anything, Snake captures his lips for a brief moment before heading to the showers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!  
> See you at the next update, my lovelies. :)  
> ~Birdie


	7. Draculas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares, vampires, and fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, here's another fun chapter. :)  
> I considered writing some smut, but chickened out and decided to stick with fluff. (There are so many authors on here who do great smut, so I feel good about sticking with fluff.)  
> As always, all errors are mine, I don't own the characters, and I'm sick, so if it doesn't make sense then that's why.  
> I hope you enjoy! :)  
> ~Birdie

 Chapter 7: Draculas

 

_“A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.” - Kurt Vonnegut_

 

            October 1st makes its presence known with the all too familiar ache in the middle of the night.  This night is worse though than before, as Kaz wakes drenched in sweat, shaking with silent tears running his face.  The images that flashed across his sleeping mind were all too real, the trauma, the flashbacks, the possible worries to come.  He can barely breathe, his chest rising raggedly.  The ache in his heart can only be matched by the pains in his arm, his leg.  It hasn’t been this bad in a long time.

            Snake sits awake beside him, concern in his clear blue eye as he gently runs fingers through Kaz’s blond hair.  Kaz silently curses the PTSD, the phantom pains, the wetness on his face.  He’s grateful when Snake wordlessly brushes his thumb across his cheeks as though it’s the most natural thing in the world, not saying a word about the dampness in the sheets, in Kaz’s hair.  In any other moment, Kaz would feel weak and worthless, but tonight he forces those thoughts away, letting Snake’s hand soothe him.  Soon his breaths match the strokes in his hair and his pulse calms at last.

            Kaz sits up and rubs his stinging eyes to clear the moisture and sleep mingled there.  Snake lights a cigar beside him, his lighter casting shadows across his worn gruff face, the face that still mesmerizes Kaz to no end.  Snake takes a puff, holds, then exhales the bittersweet smoke before turning back to Kaz.

            “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks softly.

            Kaz shakes his head.  “No.  Not yet, I mean.  Maybe?”  He slumps his head in his hand, frustrated with the jittered mess in the maze of his mind, the words he can’t quite grasp tonight.  Or rather, this morning if the clock beside them is any indication.

            Snake nods understandingly and Kaz closes his eyes.  Snake rubs his neck for a moment, easing the knots and aches that seem to permanently reside there now.  Then he removes his hand and Kaz feels him leave the bed.  Looking back up, he sees Snake in his boxers and thin white shirt grabbing the electric water heater from the cabinet across the room.  Kaz smiles ever so slightly, wondering how even with missing limbs and failing sight, this man still chooses to be here, making him tea in the middle of the night.

            Snake plugs the pot in at the table by the window.  When he comes back to the bed, Kaz lets himself be lifted up, half aided, half carried to the seats where not so long ago he had tea with another.  He settles into his chair, eyes drifting shut again, the familiar throb in his temples making itself clear yet again.  When the headaches will stop, he doesn’t know, but he suspects they’re relatives of his other pains: constant reminders for the rest of his life.  He hears water run, the bedside table drawer open, footsteps beside him. 

            “You should take these,” Snake breathes into his ear gently so as not to startle him.

            Kaz cracks his eyes; Snake stands beside him, holding a glass of water and a handful of pills in one hand, the tea box in the other.  Ah yes.  Pain aids and anxiety meds.  Kaz hates taking the concoction of white and blue oblong pills, the chalky white circles.  Mostly he tries to avoid them as much as possible, dealing with the aches and jumps as necessary.  But tonight his skin crawls and his mind won’t stop racing so he takes them from Snake without a word, downing them with a single swallow.

          “It was the kids,” he says in the silence, unfocused gaze at the platforms and water below the window.  Snake pulls his chair around so their legs are touching as Kaz continues.  “The nightmare.  It started the same way as always….the torture, the pain...but then they took the kids...and I couldn’t do anything…”

          Kaz doesn’t even realize he’s crying again until Snake draws him onto his lap and into his arms, Kaz’s head against his chest, heartbeat strong against Kaz’s ear.  Snake rocks him gently and lets him cry, not saying a word, unjudging.  Kaz sobs silently, his heart ripping, and he hates himself for the weakness, the emotions he’s let himself own, the exhaustion he lets cloud his rationality.  His own torture he can deal with, at least as best he can.  But no one ever gets to hurt those kids.  Their kids.  His kids.

         “No one’s going to hurt you again, Kaz,” Snake says eventually, a protective growl in his low voice.  “And no one’s going to touch the kids.”

         “You can’t promise that, though.”  Kaz swipes at his eyes, regaining composure.  “We live on a military base for fuck’s sake.  Anything can happen.”

          Snake plays with Kaz’s hair almost thoughtfully with one hand, then scoots him back onto his own chair with a kiss on the head.  He resumes his cigar as Kaz idly fidgets with the tea box in front of him.  It’s quite for a while, the only sound the muffled waves hitting base.

          “No,” Snake finally concedes with a smoke filled sigh.  “We can’t promise the safety of anyone.  And even though it’s more hazardous here potentially, we wouldn’t be able to promise their safety anywhere else either.  We just do the best we can.”

          Kaz thinks on the words as Snake moves to place tea bags into mugs, pouring hot water on top the way Kaz taught him to back in MSF days.  He supposes Snake is right.  Honestly, his nightmare was just that - a PTSD induced phantom.  And if anyone wanted to take the kids (he thinks of Cipher and tastes the bile in his throat) they would have one hell of a time getting past anyone on base, especially him and Snake.  He lifts his mug of green tea.

          “You’re right,” Kaz concedes over the top of the steaming rim.  “And anyone would be a fool to mess with Diamond Dogs anyway.  We’d just rip their throats out.” 

           He laughs darkly to himself, under his breath.  Snake chuckles lightly in response and Kaz relaxes a little.  The pills are working, the aches fading and the tightness in Kaz’s chest loosening its grip.  He takes a sip of his tea, enjoying the warmth in his throat before setting it back on the table.

           And that’s when he sees it, two white bulbs on the table.  He looks at the man next to him.

           “Is that...garlic?” Kaz asks, raising an eyebrow.  If it’s not one thing, it’s always another.

            Snake nods.  “Of course it is.  October started about an hour ago.  I don’t know if vampires come this far south, but can’t be too careful,” he says, looking out the window conspiratorially, his Earl Grey untouched.  “No Draculas here.”

            Kaz feels an indulgent smile forming on his lips.  As much as he wants to laugh, he knows vampires are one of Snake’s biggest fears.  Though he never fully understood it, Kaz figures it probably has something to do with the fact that they can’t be killed by bullets and sneak around stealthier than any mercenary could.  So instead, he settles for touching Snake’s arm.

            “Snake,” he says voice slightly humorous, and Snake looks at him, face grave.  “John.  We’ve talked about this.  I won’t let the vampires get you.  If anyone’s going to bite you, it’s going to be me.”

             Snake flashes a quick grin.  “I know.”  The grin fades and Snake’s eye seems to deepen in intensity.  “But we’ve lost so much - you’ve lost so much - while I was out for those 9 years.  I can’t risk losing any more, for any of us.”

             The way he looks at Kaz as he speaks, the way his voice drops, makes warmth creep in Kaz’s chest, his stomach turning in knots.  The losses really have been almost unimaginable.  The loss of people considered friends, family.  The loss of home.  The loss of limbs.  Sometimes Kaz still wonders how they make it through, day by day, without crumbling altogether. 

             Snake’s concern and determination, even if it’s fighting off imagined evils, makes Kaz love him even more in that moment.  He touches Snake’s face, fingers tracing the scruffy beard, running the scarred lips.  Snake takes his hand, kisses the folded fingers ever so softly, not breaking eye contact before leaning over and catching Kaz’s lips in his own.

            And then, before either realizes how they got there, Kaz is on the floor, Snake pressing into him, breathing hard against clashing chapped lips, tea and nightmares and Draculas all but forgotten.

 

           What feels like an eternity later, Snake helps Kaz get his naked body under the blankets of their bed.  Between the tea, the broken sleep, the medications, and the adventure on the floor, Kaz is exhausted, physically and emotionally.  His head and limbs no longer ache, though, and his heart feels full instead of breaking.  As he gets ready to drift to sleep on Snake’s chest, one last thought crosses his mind.

           “Is garlic the only thing you did?”

           “Of course not!” Snake snort indignantly.  “I marked our door, and the kids’ doors as well as most of base, with holy water, and made sure there were plenty of crosses around.  I even put some under each of the kids’ pillows when they weren’t in their rooms.  We’re safe.”

            Kaz smiles.  “Yes,” he agrees sleepily.  “We are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, lovelies!  
> See you at the next update. :)  
> ~Birdie


	8. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which coffee, children, and Ghostbuster references all reside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies!  
> Here is a new chapter, one full of more crazy family stuff. Also, it might be a little longer than the previous chapters.  
> As per usual, errors are mine, I don't own the characters, and I hope I've revised enough.  
> Enjoy! :)  
> ~Birdie

Chapter 8: Coffee

_“The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.”_ _\- James Mackintosh_

            Quiet’s only been in his office for ten minutes before Kaz is over it.  She sits on the sofa, braiding Lilith’s hair while the younger reads a worn copy of Kurt Vonnegut’s _Slaughterhouse Five_ that she found on one of the many overstuffed bookshelves in the office amid the biographies, business texts, and technical books.  If Quiet were quiet (as her name suggests, the irony not lost on Kaz) it probably wouldn’t bother him as much.  But instead, she’s humming.  And she’s not even humming her normal little melody; she’s humming the Ghostbusters theme from when base had movie night the week before.  It’s seriously getting on his nerves; at this rate, coffee’s his best friend today.

            Finally, Kaz throws his pen down onto the file he’s been marking with red.  “That’s it,” he says, looking at Quiet on the sofa.  “I don’t like you much and I know you don’t like me, but I’ll let you stay if you just. Stop. Humming.”

            Quiet looks at him with a semi-death glare.  Kaz matches her challenge over the top of his readers, unblinking.  “My office.  My rules,” he informs her.  “You get run everywhere else.  Stop humming, or get out.”

            Quiet looks down at Lilith.  The girl blinks between Kaz and Quiet, then shrugs and goes back to reading.  Quiet looks once more at Kaz, her face more annoyed than angry, then returns to plaiting the teen’s hair, sans humming.  Thankful that his office is once again silent except for the occasional page flip (something he can actually handle without wanting to throat punch someone), Kaz resumes his paperwork. 

             The movie night had been a good idea, one he had to give Ocelot credit for.  The Russian cowboy had made some comment about morale dropping on base and how something needed to be done to bring it up, as if Kaz hadn’t noticed himself.  Ocelot’s suggestion of having a movie night to help was actually really good, and it did seem to boost morale on base - the crew seemed to enjoy the popcorn, beer, and film.  And Kaz had actually really enjoyed it as well, sitting with Snake at the back, enjoying the antics of Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd as they battled the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. 

             But since movie night, the theme song could be heard everywhere on base.  It was okay for the first few days.  However, Kaz now personally wants to harm or suspend anyone humming it.  There are only so many times he can hear crew shouting “Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!” or worse, substituting Diamond Dogs poorly in. 

             Just as the groove of work falls back into place, the door to the office swings open without a knock.  “Who you gonna call?” Snake sings happily as he waltzes in. 

            Kaz feels one of his eyes twitch ever so slightly as he looks up at his commander, jaw locked hard.  Snake, ready to collect his mission file and Quiet before heading out on his next mission, grins at him.  It falters a little at Kaz’s glare.

            “No,” Kaz says deathly quiet.  “No.  More.  Ghostbusters.  Not in this office.”

             Snake chuckles.  “Okay, Kaz,” he says as he heads over to the desk.  “No more Ghostbusters in the office.”

            “Thank you,” Kaz says, handing the file for the mission over.  He looks at Quiet while Snake flips through the papers.  “I think this is where you leave,” he informs her.

            Quiet sticks her tongue out at him; everyone says she’s rubbing off on Lilith, but no one seems to notice that it’s also the other way around, which baffles Kaz.   She then looks at Lilith, face a little disappointed, like she doesn’t want to leave her.  Kaz just rolls his eyes at her.  “Oh for crying out loud, she’ll be fine.  I’m not going to bite her head off.  I know how to be nice, I’ll have you know.”

            Snake looks up from the file and over to the sofa.  Kaz can see the thought process clicking in his mind, and it makes him a little nervous.  When Snake comes up with ideas, they aren’t always...practical.  Like his obsession with cardboard boxes.  Or his idea to fulton back three bears when no one on base was ready - that was a fun day.  Or the time he took off all his clothes for a mission in Costa Rica during the MSF days; Kaz supposes he reacted a little over the top to that one…

           Snake looks from Lilith and Quiet to Kaz.  “She should come too,” he says casually. 

          “What?” Kaz asks, not sure he’s hearing correctly.  Until Quiet came along, Snake usually preferred working alone.  And now he’s suggesting taking their...daughter?

          “Yeah, why not?” Snake says without noticing the way Kaz’s jaw drops minisculely.  “It’s a really easy mission collecting animals, and it’ll be good for her to get off base.”

           Kaz rubs his eyes under his readers before looking back at Snake.  “No way.  What if something goes wrong?”  He starts listing on his fingers.  “There’s always the possibility of enemies crashing in, of animal attacks, of bad weather.  And it’s an overnight mission.  There’s no way she’s prepared.  She hasn’t even had CQC like other recruits -”

          He’s interrupted by a light voice clearing from the sofa, one that matches the giggle Kaz has heard only once before.  Lilith stands next to Quiet, staring at both of the men.  Her arms are crossed the exact same way as Quiet’s and she looks clearly annoyed.  For a moment, Kaz wonders if she’s going to finally - finally - say something, anything to them.  Maybe something like ‘Fuck you for talking about me’ or ‘Yes, I want to go’ or ‘Forget it, weirdo.’  Anything, really, would be okay. 

         “Should’ve asked you first,” Snake says gently, a soft smile on his face.  “Do you want to go with me and Quiet to catch some animals for base?”

          Lilith gives a half smile and nods, her eyes bright.  Snake beams back, and Kaz tries to not acknowledge the worry in his gut as he looks at her cautiously happy face.  So many things to always go wrong…He wants to tell her and Snake that it isn’t going to happen, that she needs to be better prepared, that she can’t go…

         “Go pack an overnight bag, then,” Kaz tells her instead.  “And don’t forget extra socks!” he adds as she practically bounces out of his office, Quiet silently trailing behind with a pleased look on her face.

          Kaz sighs and takes his readers off, folding them carefully on his desk.  Snake moves around the desk and grabs his aviators before Kaz can claim them, then gently removes the Diamond Dogs beret, smoothing Kaz’s hair back.  He softly tucks a few onry strands behind Kaz ears before lifting his chin.  Kaz closes his eyes, waits for the bearded lips to touch his own dry ones.  He’s not disappointed as Snake gently presses his mouth against Kaz’s, though only for a moment.

         “You worry too much, Kaz,” Snake breathes against him, all bittersweet cigar ash and muddy coffee, intoxicating.  He kisses Kaz again, then pulls away for good.  “It’s not good for you.  We aren’t going to let anything happen.  Trust me.”

          Kaz opens his eyes as he feels Snake place his aviators over his ears.  “I know,” he mutters as he grabs his beret, adjusting it over his hair just so.  “And I do.”

          Snake just tenderly places a palm against Kaz’s cheek.  “I know,” he says with a smile as the office door swings open again. 

         Snake drops his hand and hands Kaz his crutch, helping him up.  Lilith has a standard issue black overnight pack on her back, looking excited, though Kaz can see a little bit of nervousness in her eyes as she meets his.  He gives her a half smile and the nervousness fades.  He also notices her picking up the worn copy of Vonnegut from the sofa as they head out the door, swinging her bag over her shoulder so she can safely tuck it inside as they walk out of the main building and onto the helicopter platform. 

        The mid-morning sun warms the air as they greet Pequod in front of the helicopter.  Quiet leaps up and lifts Lilith in before Kaz has a chance to say more than “have fun.”  Not that it should matter, he tells himself; what was he going to do, hug her in front of the recruits present?  Actually, Kaz thinks, he might have.  What a strange feeling.  Snake hops in after, leaving Kaz to watch as Lilith enthusiastically waves before Snake slides the door shut.

         With a sigh, Kaz turns to leave, only to be confronted by the twins.  Eli wears his usual scrowl and David looks a little more somber than usual.  Kaz raises his eyebrow as he looks at them.

         “Why does she get to go and I never get to?”  Eli asks, arms crossed across his chest.  “Even he” he glares at David “gets to leave base.”

         “It was all about boxes,” David mutters, eyes out of focus.  “Boxes and why they’re so damn important…”

         “I don’t care, I want to leave base too!  I hate this place!” Eli growls.  “It’s not fair.”

         Kaz feels another migraine coming on and it’s not even lunch time.  He definitely needs more coffee to deal with today.  Maybe something stronger.  “You don’t take direction well,” he tells Eli gruffly, though without the bite he used to have.  “You’ll get yourself maimed or killed, or run off.  Learn to listen to orders and maybe we’ll forget the incident with the metal gear and let you go.”

         Eli swears under his breath, something Kaz can’t quite make out but knows is a swear, and storms off.  Kaz just shakes his head.  At least Eli didn’t break anything.  That’s progress, he reasons; less things under “Eli’s Expenses” is always a good thing.  As Kaz starts walking, he notices David in step beside him.  The brown haired boy uncharacteristically fidgets with his fingers as they slowly make their way to the main building.

         “Umm...Commander Miller,” David finally asks once they’re off the platform.  “Can I ask you a question?”

         Kaz stops to give David his full attention, looking at him through his aviators.  “You already did,” he informs the boy, same eyebrow raised from when he spoke with Eli.  “But go ahead.”

         David doesn’t meet his eyes, still playing with his hands.  “Why do you and Snake do what you do for us? For me, for Eli?”

         “What?” Kaz asks, feeling oddly caught off guard.  He had suspected something like this would come up eventually, but not today and certainly not when Snake was off base.

          David continues in a rush.  “Yeah, this recruit, I think her name is Sadistic Kitten, was talking with this other one - Flaming Buffalo? - about how cute it was that you guys took care of us and that it mellowed you out some so you weren’t so scary and that we were a really sweet family and…” He trails off, out of breath; it’s the most he’s spoken in a single period of time to Kaz.  “I just don’t understand why you bother with us.”

          Oh lord.  Kaz definitely needs something stronger at this rate.  Coffee will have to do though.  He takes a breath. 

         “You want the truth?” he asks David.  David nods, finally looking up, blue eyes sincere.  Kaz checks to make sure no one’s around.  “The truth is, maybe it started from obligation,” he says, trying to maintain his “Commander Miller is Grumpy” tone and failing pretty miserably.  “Keep the kids out of enemy hands, that sort of thing.  But it’s not anymore.”

          He starts walking, signalling for David to join him as he heads to the mess hall for that well earned coffee.  “It’s more like we’re...family.”

         David stays quiet, processing, Kaz more than happy to let him.  The less he questions, the less Kaz has to talk about the emotional stuff that he really hates and yet somehow doesn’t all at once.  They enter the mess hall and Kaz walks his way to the coffee area.  He really needs to get a pot for his office.  Maybe since Eli’s stopped throwing things everyday (he only breaks a table now once or twice a week), he could use the savings to invest in one...

         “But,” David says at last as Kaz finishes pouring a mug full of bitter black coffee, trying to figure out the best way to carry it to his office.  “I’m nothing.  I’m just a clone.  We’re all just clones.  All my life I’ve heard that we’re destined to kill or hate each other forever because of it.”

          Kaz snorts, a defensive mechanism for the slight moisture behind his eyes.  He looks at David, rests his crutch against the coffee station table, and puts his hand on boy’s shoulder.  “David,” he says, and surprises himself with how soft his voice is.  “You may be a clone, but that’s not what defines you, or your brother, or your sister.  We take care of you and do the things we do for you, Eli, and Lilith because we want to.  Because that’s what family does, even in a place like Mother Base.”

          David blinks hard a few times, and Kaz worries momentarily that he’s going to cry.  If David starts crying, Kaz isn’t sure what he’ll do.  Thankfully though, when David stops blinking and looks back at Kaz, his eyes are clear.  “So I don’t have to kill anyone?”

          Kaz laughs and moves his hand back to his crutch.  “Heavens no.  And actually, if we can keep the maiming and killing down on base, that would be helpful.  Can you grab this?” He looks at the coffee and David picks it up without question, following Kaz out of the mess hall.

          “Um, Commander Miller?” he asks as they walk, trailing slightly behind so not to spill the coffee.

          Kaz rolls his eyes slightly.  “You don’t have to call me that.  Kaz is just fine.”

          David matches his pace once again with Kaz.  “Commander...Kaz,” he tries.  At least it’s some progress.

         “Does this mean Ocelot is our weird scary uncle?”

         And this, Kaz reasons, is why they keep a bottle of whiskey buried in one of his and Snake’s dresser drawers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and riding this crazy train with me. :)  
> See you at the next update, my awesome readers.  
> ~Birdie


	9. Branches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family really is like a tree sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!  
> I've had this chapter written for a while (even before I wrote the previous chapter) and it's a bit of a more serious chapter. But honestly, I need this character to start talking for the rest of the story to continue.  
> Future chapters should return to silliness. :)  
> (Also, I've been listening to a lot of Peace Walker Kaz and Phantom Pain Kaz, and I find myself thinking that while he's super crusty on the outside, he's like a marshmallow on the inside. But don't tell Ocelot, lol.)  
> As always, all errors mine, I don't own characters, and I write to soothe myself and whoever needs it.  
> ~Birdie

Chapter 9: Branches

_“All great and precious things are lonely.” - John Steinbeck_

     Mid October welcomes the rainy season, and Kaz rather enjoys the sound the drops make as they hit his office window.  Plit-plat-plit-plat.  It’s a soothing rhythm, one he can work to easily, the steaming coffee mug on his desk filling the room with it’s earthy aroma.  The seasons don’t change much in the Seychelles waters, the temperatures staying pretty consistent year round.  The only real distinction lies in the rainy season, from now until January.  Since the lack of real temperature change, the trees and grass in the animal reserve on base stay green; once in awhile, Kaz finds himself missing the foliage change, leaves turning orange and red like they did when he was at school in America.  But here in his office, it’s easy to pretend it’s autumn as the rain continues to drip down the glass panes.

     Lilith sits quietly on his sofa.  Kaz still doesn’t understand why she chooses to spend her free time in his office, nor why he lets her.  They don’t talk (rather, he doesn’t talk except the occasional mutterings and swears he lets out under his breath when dealing with budget loss- she still hasn’t said a word to anyone on base); rather the time is spent with him doing paperwork and her sketching on the art pad Snake fultoned back for her a few missions ago.  (After taking her on his animal fultoning mission, Snake came back with nothing but praise of her quiet creative streak, telling an exhausted Kaz all about how she could possibly help modify their current box situation and how he needed to get her more art supplies.)  They stay like that until mealtimes or whenever Quiet comes back from whatever she spent her day doing.

      It is interesting to watch her work, though, Kaz has to admit.  Eli and David may have gotten the modified fight genes from Snake, but Lilith definitely inherited his little known creative ones as even Snake noticed.  Her sketches of people and things were spot on, anatomically correct to the letter, the concentrated furrow of her brow as she drew mimicking Snake’s mission face nearly perfectly.  Kaz agrees with Snake’s assessment, and wants to find her a place on base to use her talent.  Eli and David spar daily and share in cleaning duty, disciplines they need on base, and are about to start intensive training with Ocelot and the other recruits so they eventually can do missions.  However, Lilith still needs something to help her feel part of base life (she can’t follow Quiet around forever or hide away in Kaz’s office), and Kaz suspects her skills would be challenged and appreciated in R and D.   

     Of course, no one on base really knows anything about her beyond the few pieces that slip through here and there.  The reports from intel should be coming soon though, Kaz knows, and then the rest should click together.  Not that it matters much what the reports say; just like the twins, she’s family and nothing will change that.  Unless she’s working for Cipher, which is highly unlikely.  And even then, he himself once worked for them, so he has no room to talk.

      A knock interrupts Kaz’s flow, the stack of reports needing approval slowly diminishing.  The door swings open without waiting for permission and Ocelot swishes in, face his usual somber, DD at his side.  As soon as DD sees Lilith, he races to the sofa and puts his front paws on her legs, eagerly wagging his tail as she pets his head.  Kaz shakes his head; DD sheds like crazy and he really hopes his carpet survives.  Kaz turns to Ocelot.

     “Is it too much to wait for response now a days?” he asks the cowboy, mildly annoyed.  “Also.  You know my office rules regarding animals.  So the dog is in my office because…?”

      Ocelot doesn’t blink.  “He gets lonely otherwise, Miller, specially when Boss is on a mission.  Can’t have that.  Here.”  He holds out a thick brown file to Kaz, one that doesn’t look like the usual file folders that come into his office. “Intel report back on the girl,” he says, voice low but not by any means quiet.  He gestures towards the couch with a silver head tilt.  

      “It’s quite interesting,” Ocelot adds, not bothering to keep his voice to a minimum, as if she weren’t sitting within hearing range.  

      Kaz looks from the envelope to Ocelot to the sofa.  Lilith, still petting DD absentmindedly, looks back, purple eyes blinking behind her sunglasses.  Kaz knows she knows they’re talking about her.  In the few minutes Ocelot’s been in his office, Lilith’s turned paler than usual.  Kaz breaks contact and looks back at Ocelot, taking the file from his red gloved hands, resisting the urge to slap him with it.  There’s a loud bark from DD and both men glance over.  Lilith is off the couch, sketchbook to her chest, and out of the office before Kaz can say anything, door closing behind her with a slam.  DD sniffs at the door and lets out a long whine.

     “Let her go,” Ocelot tells him as Kaz frowns worriedly at the door.  “She’s not going to get into trouble on base, and besides, Boss and Quiet will be back shortly.”

     “That was bad form,” Kaz grumbles, rubbing his forehead.  “You knew she was in here; did you have to do this now?  Could you have at least asked to take it to the hall?  Or have her leave the room, take the dog for a walk or something...”

      Ocelot shrugs as DD leaves the door to sit by his feet.  “I didn’t think it mattered that much, Miller.  She already knows most, if not all, of what’s in there,” he tells Kaz, rubbing DD’s ears.  “It is her life, after all.  Intel suspects that’s why she doesn’t talk; she doesn’t want to risk getting close.  You’ll understand when you read it.”

      Ocelot leaves the office with DD, and once the door closes, Kaz slams his fist on his desk.  As much as the damned man loved torturing and interrogating, he loved reading other people’s actions just as much.  And that’s what this was, Kaz is sure of it.  He wanted to see how Lilith would react.  Kaz feels the heat running up his face and desperately wants to track the other down and punch him solidly across the jaw.  It was like the child soldiers all over again.  Ocelot would never let Kaz live down being soft on Eli; likewise, Kaz would never fully trust the Ocelot around kids fully again.

     Kaz swallows his frustration, takes a deep breath, then takes a drink of his coffee before opening the file.  As he skims the information inside, his stomach drops.  Lilith was (as suspected) created as the control group of the Les Enfants Terribles, brought up to know that’s all she was: a clone to measure the rest by.  Like Eli and David, she was bounced around without a stable home life, knowing all this time her DNA was from Snake but not modified or enhanced.  While Eli and David were taught they were nothing more than shadows of the legend, she was taught she was nothing more than a speck of dust in the plan.  The worst part came at the end of the file with the reason she was with David in the first place.  Cipher’s plan, once they regained control of David, was to “exterminate the no longer necessary female.”

     No wonder Lilith doesn’t speak, Kaz thinks.  She spent her life to this point feeling disposable, knowing she was nothing more than a ruler for her brothers to stack up by.  Maybe she didn’t know Cipher meant to kill her, but she knew - as Kaz himself felt so much growing up - the very real sorrow attached with not being wanted, anywhere, ever.  Kaz pieces it together, slowly: in her mind, no speaking meant no one could know she was considered disposable.  Meaning she couldn’t be rejected from yet another place.  He can’t decide if the anger makes him boil or if it’s the pain of knowing that fear, that rejection.

      Kaz lays the file down and rests his forehead on his hand.  Cipher fucked all of them over in the end, not just him and Snake and MSF, but these kids too.  It’s like Chico and Paz all over again, and it makes him sick.  No normal childhoods, no normal homes, no normal lives.  And while Mother Base wasn’t the best place in the world for kids, it at least offered stability.  John was right keeping them; all three of these kids needed a home.  And if that involved the “tough love” Eli got, then so be it.  If it involved the quiet office sketch sessions for Lilith, then fine.  And David...reserved, polite David.  Kaz still doesn’t know what to do with him; they need to work on that, him and Snake, work on getting him to be less somber and more relaxed.

     “Kaz.”

     Kaz looks up to see Snake in his office, out of his mission gear, hair wet from the showers.  He hadn’t even heard the door open; how long had he been zoning?  He wipes under his eyes, uncomfortably aware of unintended moisture there.

     “Hey Boss,” he says, tiredly.  “Still raining out there?”

     Snake walks over to the desk, trails his fingers over the open file there.  “Not really, but I think we’re going to be in the rainy pattern for a while.”  He looks at Kaz, blue eye intense.  “You read the file?”

     “Yeah,” Kaz huffs.  “Did you?”

     Snake nods, his face full of hard lines and pursed lips. He hands Kaz his damned crutch.  “Let’s walk. You could use air, I need to move.  Quiet’s so pissed she’s shooting targets and scarring crew members.”  

     Kaz takes the crutch and walks side by side with Snake, out of the office and down the main corridor.  It feels good to move after the heaviness of before.  It makes him feel empowered being away from the suffocation of his office.  Even the stairs help center him, giving him something to focus to alleviate the pissed off steam charged in him.

     “Report doesn’t change anything,” Snake says as they step into the rain.  A misty drizzle makes the air cool but not completely unpleasant.  “All three are our responsibility.”

     Kaz pauses and takes a deep breath of the wet air.  “But not out of obligation,” he says firmly, echoing the words from his conversation with David just a few short days earlier. “But because we want them.  I refuse” he pounds his crutch on the ground for emphasis “to let them feel how I did growing up.  Unwanted is not an option.”

     Snake smiles at him, the rare tenderness only for Kaz across his face.  “I thought you hated kids,” he says softly, touching Kaz’s face gently.  

     Kaz sighs.  “I changed my mind, ok?  I only said that shit so people would leave me alone.  Don’t tell anyone though, not even fucking Ocelot.  I have an appearance to maintain.”

     Snake smiles, then kisses him once.  “I need a smoke,” he says with a sigh.   They continue walking the platform, headed for one of the ocean railings, Snake’s favorite out of the way place to puff those ever present cigars.

     The sound of ripping paper greets them as they turn the corner.  Lilith, sunglasses pushed in her hair, sits on the edge of the platform with her legs dangling dangerously over the edge.  She crumples a ripped page from her sketchbook and tosses it angrily into the ocean below before furiously sketching on a new page, brows drawn tighter than usual.  She must have spent the rest of her day out here, Kaz figures, as her clothes are soaked and her hair is dripping from the earlier rain.  

     Snake looks at Kaz.  “Should we get her a blanket or something?” he asks.

     Kaz rolls his eyes.  “Uh, yeah Boss.  Blanket isn’t going to solve it; she’s drenched, but it’s a start.  We should get her out of the wet before she gets sick.”

     Snake nods and heads off quickly.  Kaz approaches Lilith, afraid to set her off like a scared rabbit or something.  She doesn’t look up as he sets his crutch against the railing and settles down slowly on her right.  The wet ground beneath him is uncomfortably cold.  “Hey,” he says to her lightly.  “Whatcha working on?”

     Lilith looks at him, her blue violet eyes puffy and nose red.  Kaz once again silently curses Ocelot as she gives a noncommittal shrug and looks back down.  He scoots over a little closer and looks over her shoulder at the page she’s working on.  It’s the start of a large tree with deep roots and two large branches covered in leaves.  Kaz squints a little and realizes there are words on the various parts of the tree: his name lays across the roots, Snake written on the trunk, the two branches labeled David and Eli.  He looks at Lilith.

     “You’re missing one,” Kaz tells her.  She looks at him and blinks, face cautiously blank.  “Yeah, you are.  Here, let me have that.”  Without waiting, he takes the pen out of her hand and ever so slowly draws a shaky line branch between the two labeled with the twins’ names.  Across it he scrawls “Lilith” in his new sloppy handwriting, legible but not smooth like it used to be.

     “It’s not as good as yours,” Kaz says with a little laugh.  “But there it is.”

     Lilith looks at the page, then sets her book down and draws her legs in, wrapping her arms around her knees as she stares straight ahead into the darkening cloud cover.  Kaz notices her body vibrating ever so slightly from the cold and wet.  He takes his trench coat off and drapes it across her shoulders as best he can before looking ahead like she is.

     “You know...we don’t do things for you and your brothers because we feel sorry for you or out of obligation,” Kaz says quietly, glad to stare at the ocean horizon.  He’d been doing a lot of emotional stuff lately and it was really starting to take a toll.  “Growing up, I never truly belonged.  Japan wouldn’t let me have citizenship and the family I had in America was broken at best.  All I ever craved was a home where I was completely wanted.”  He looks at Lilith out of the corner of his eyes; her face still pale and she’s still watching ahead without blinking.  “And that’s what we are here.  Family.  A home, just like I had always wanted.  A place to belong.”

     The floodgates open.  Suddenly the soaked girl is leaning on him, crying.  Unsure of the best response, Kaz does what he would do to anyone else crying on him: he wordlessly wraps his only arm as best he can around her and pats her head gently, if not somewhat awkwardly, ignoring the extra wetness on his uniform.

     “Me too,” she says between hiccuping sobs, her voice a cracked alto.  “I just wanted...to belong.”

     Heavy boots approach and Kaz looks up to see Snake, holding a large standard issue blanket, cigar in his mouth, his blue eye soft.  Kaz moves his arm and lets him pick up the ball of a girl, still wrapped in his trenchcoat and now the blanket.  Snake holds her close with one arm as she cries, her hands gripping his black tee as if afraid to let go.  He offers his other hand to Kaz who gladly takes it, relieved to both get off the freezing ground and to have made some form of breakthrough.  He grabs his crutch and the three of them head back inside the main building, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again, beautiful readers, for joining me in the whacked out story.  
> Also, I've gotten some awesome feedback from you guys and seriously, you guys have some really fun ideas. :)  
> Until the next chapter.  
> ~Birdie


	10. Stakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween party prep. And Eli trying to stab people. Also, story announcements in the notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies! :)  
> Several announcements/things here:
> 
> 1\. This chapter has Eli in it. I tried to make it a fun chapter, but it became emotional. I don't know why this keeps happening, but the next chapter should be more fluff.
> 
> 2\. I'm trying to decide what to do with this story and I would love your feedback. I can wrap it up and make a sequel, wrap it up and stop writing, or keep adding chapters until it's like a mini novel. Thoughts??? (I've never written a chapter fic before, so this is totally a new experience.)
> 
> 3\. The idea for using Blade Runner came from my husband. It's pretty obscure and yet fitting. :)
> 
> 4\. I made Ocelot kind of a jerk in the last chapter, but I felt it fit his character. For whatever it's worth, I actually enjoy him a fair amount. :)
> 
> Finally, as always, unbeta'd and all errors mine. I hit a road block part way through this chapter and I've edited it so much, I really just need to get it off my hands before I ruin it, lol.
> 
> Enjoy!  
> ~Birdie

Chapter 10: Stakes

_“I don’t know a perfect person, I only know flawed people who are still worth loving.” - John Green_

     “Snake, we do not need more candy.  Vicious Leopard and Angry Sloth can eat what we already have.”

     Kaz leans back in his office chair, headset and aviators on, eyes closed.  It’s the week before the Mother Base Halloween party, Kaz fine tuning the party details while on the radio.  On the one hand, he’s actually pretty excited for the party - booze, a night off, everyone dressing up (with the rule being no vampires, of course), and the kids being able to actually have a somewhat normal experience.  But on the other hand, it’s conflicting for him - work not getting done, hangover induced whining from crew members the next day, and money going to candy and whatnot that could be going to weapons and base upkeep.

     “So the Tootsie Rolls will be enough?” Snake asks, voice mingling with static.  DD barks in the background.  He just left for the mission (another easy animal fultoning one that will bring him back before dinner) and he’s already radioing in to talk about candy for said party.

     “Yes,” Kaz sighs, laying an arm over his face.  “Along with the five other crates of mixed candy we got.  It will be more than enough.  And once the beer comes out, everyone will be fine.  I promise.”

     “Alright, I trust you Kaz,” comes Snake’s crackled reply.  “Pequod just arrived at the drop point.  Hopefully getting these antelope will go quick.  I’ll switch over to Ocelot’s frequency so you can get back to work.  Over and out.”

     “Sounds good Boss. Out.”

     Kaz switches stations to Ocelot’s frequency in the control tower.  “All yours.”

     Ocelot snickers ever so slightly over the radio.  “Thanks, Miller, though we both know that’s not true,” he says in his lilting voice.

     “Be thankful you’re in the control tower and I’m too tired today to come up there,” Kaz growls at him through the mic.

     “Oh, by the way,” Ocelot continues without comment, “there are reports below that one of your sons is threatening to stab crew members with a wooden stake.  The one whose name starts with an E and ends with an li.”

     Kaz sighs.  “Sure he is.  You don’t happen to know a location for him, do you?”

     “Main platform outside, last I saw.  I think he’s trying to be Van Helsing.  I had a bit of a small laugh when he threatened to stab me though.  Told him I wasn’t a vampire and couldn’t be brought down that quickly,” Ocelot replies.  Kaz can hear the slight smile in his voice.  “I don’t think he liked that very much.”

     “Did you at least ask why he’s threatening to stab people?”  Kaz asks, annoyed, rubbing his temple.  

     “I thought maybe you’d want a chance first,” comes Ocelot’s response.  “I get the feeling you don’t like my way of handling things where he’s concerned.”

     “Damn right,” Kaz mutters.

     Ocelot’s response is a low chuckle followed by radio silence.  Kaz takes his headset off, grabs his crutch, and heads out of his office.  He really wants to be surprised, but he’s not.  Of course Eli was threatening to stab base personnel with a wooden stake.  Because why not?  But the decline of broken furniture mirrors a decline of fighting on his end, so Kaz feels pretty certain the kid won’t actually stab someone.  Hopefully.

     Kaz exits the building and heads down the main platform.  Off by the ocean side railing, David stands and Lilith lays spread out, surrounded by sketches and swatches of fabric.  Another female recruit and Quiet sit with her, sorting through materials as David watches.  Lilith holds up a drawing and David shakes his head.

     “No, see, it needs more stripes along the shoulders,” he tells her as Kaz approaches.  Quiet eyes him as he walks near while the other recruit hastily stands and smooths her uniform before saluting.  

    “What’s going on here?”  Kaz asks.  He looks at the recruit and nods.  “As you were.”

     Lilith looks up from her current sketch, her sunglasses sliding partially down her face.  “We’re trying to make costumes.”  She holds up a detailed sketch of David in a jacket, striped button down, and striped tie.  Kaz raises an eyebrow in slight confusion.

     “It’s Rick Deckard from _Blade Runner_ , sir, the Harrison Ford movie from a few years ago,” the recruit beside Lilith says as Quiet holds up fabric to David.  David nods in approval.  

     “Ah. That film based off the book, right?”  Kaz asks curiously.  “The one about robots and sheep.  Heard the film was a complete flop but the book was somewhat interesting.”

     “ _Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,_ ” David says dryly.  “I thought it was appropriate.  What makes us human and all that.”

     Kaz nods.  “Nice.  Obscure, but clever,” he tells David, and David gives him the barest shadow of a smile at the compliment, a shine of pride in his blue eyes.  Kaz looks at the other three.  “So you all are…?”

     Lilith smiles slightly.  “I’m sketch/designer, and then Quiet and Sadistic Kitten help me with sewing and stuff,” she says shyly.  “SK’s on the R&D team.  She let me have the extra materials so they wouldn’t go to waste, even though I’ve only been helping in the department for a few days.”

     Kaz smiles a little.  “Reusing waste, very smart,” he says.  “What other ideas are you working on?”

     Quiet holds up two of the scattered sketches.  One is of her in a cameo bikini, bandana, and an eye patch, with the title “Quiet: Naked Snake” below.  The other is of Lilith in a crazy puffy skirt, off the shoulders sweater, torn tights like Quiet’s, and huge hair.  It reads “Lilith: Cyndi Lauper.”  Lilith holds up a third sketch, this one of Sadistic Kitten in a black catsuit ala Eartha Kitt, labeled “SK: Catwoman.”

     “Looks good,” Kaz tells them.  The ingenuity of these kids and the willingness the crew has to aid them fills him with an unexpected feeling of pride.  He’s even pleased that Quiet, though her humming may drive him up a wall and she’s technically considered a captive, has taken such an interest.  It eases a little of the worry he didn’t realize needed to be eased until now.  Mother Base really is a family, he realizes yet again.  

     “We could make one for you,” Lilith offers quietly.

     Kaz shakes his head, though he finds the offer sweet.  “Nah, I’m good.  Besides,” he adds, looking at all the papers and fabrics, “it looks like you have more than enough on your hands. Thanks though.”

     Lilith beams then goes back to work.  Kaz starts to walk away before he remembers his original task.   Turning back around, he looks at David, ready to ask where Eli is, and freezes.  David has a cigarette in hand (the one hidden by Quiet’s fabric swatch earlier) and takes a quick drag, trying to angle his shoulder and neck so it’s mostly hidden.  Kaz feels the smile turn to a straight line.

     “David,” he says gruffly and David jumps ever so slightly.  “You’re too young for that crap.  Give it over.”

     David hands the cigarette over with a slight grumble, embarrassed at being caught.  “Everyone else does,” he mutters.  Lilith gives a small gasp and the other recruit has gone as silent as Quiet, who’s not even humming at this point.

     Kaz raises his eyebrow again.  “Oh really,” he says as David refuses to look at him.  “So now you’re doing stuff because others are?  Who gave you this, anyway?”

     David stuffs his hands in his pockets.  “It doesn’t matter,” he tells Kaz, still looking everywhere but Kaz.

     Kaz sighs at how much like Snake David is, refusing to out a comrade or friend.  “Alright.  Fine.  Do you have any more?  One usually leads to a pack around here…”

     David fidgets under Kaz’s stare before he pulls his hand out of his pocket with a sigh, a crumpled pack held tightly.  He gives it to Kaz’s slightly outreached hand.  Kaz takes the pack and hobbles to the railing.  He makes sure David’s watching before flinging the pack into the ocean.  David, for his credit, doesn’t say a word in protest.  

     “No smoking, kid,” Kaz tells him.  “You got too much life left to take up such a nasty habit.  Now,” he looks around at the group, “do you know where Eli is?  I’m hearing rumors of stabbing threats.”

     David points up to the smaller platform above them.  “He’s up there, Commander Kaz,” he says, as if the cigarette incident didn’t literally just happen, looking Kaz in the eye and nearly giving him whiplash at the shift.  Kaz looks up briefly.

     “Just Kaz is fine, David,” Kaz tells him.  “And thanks.”

     As he starts to walk away, Kaz hears whispers from the group behind him when they think he’s out of hearing range.  His vision may not be the greatest ever, but thankfully his hearing decided to stick  around.  At least so far.

     “I told you that would happen,” Lilith says softly and David scoffs.

     “I know,” he mutters.  “I just need to not get caught next time.”

     “Or not smoke,” Sadistic Kitten adds.  “It really is bad for you.  I don’t know how Boss stays in shape with all his cigars.  At least Commander Miller isn’t as scary as he used to be.  Six months ago I would’ve been worried about you being thrown overboard.”

      Kaz smirks a little to himself and keeps walking.

     When Kaz reaches the upper platform, he sees Eli in a chair with his back to the stairs, a few other chairs scattered around the viewing platform.  One of the chairs lays broken in pieces.  Eli immediately turns when he hears Kaz’s crutch, face angry, eyes hard.  He holds out a small wooden stake.  

     “Come any closer and I will make you bleed,” he hisses.

     Kaz takes a deep breath, then continues walking.  “I don’t doubt it,” he tells Eli, “But I would prefer it if you didn’t.  Besides, I’ve been through worse.”  He chuckles darkly.  “I’m really not impressed with your little twig.”

     “Then leave me alone!” Eli snarls before curling into himself, holding his knees to his chest,  face resting on them away from Kaz.

     It’s a motion so strange on the normally cocky youth that Kaz has to blink twice to verify what he’s seeing.  He approaches slowly, unsure of what’s going on but realizing it probably warrants him staying on the platform a little longer.  He’s always suspected Eli’s anger is more than it seems.  After all, Kaz had used anger when he was at his most vulnerable, a self defense against having to face the very real pain of what was lost.  And if anyone had a right to be vulnerable and raw, Eli was definitely near the top of the list.  Kaz wonders for a moment if maybe Eli’s finally snapped.

     “What’s going on, Eli?” Kaz asks quietly as he stops by the chair.  

     “None of your goddamn business,” comes the reply, forced through clenched teeth.  “Why are you even still here?”

     Kaz thinks.  “Ocelot was worried you’re threatening to stab people.  Which you are,” he adds with an eyebrow lift.  He really needs to work on breaking the habit, but it does help him feel more himself.  “Also, Van Helsing doesn’t wear bermuda shorts.”

     “That’s it?” Eli asks, incredulous.  “Ok, thanks, got it, ditch the shorts, no stabbing, now leave.”

     Instead, Kaz sits in the chair closest to Eli as the youth gives an exasperated sigh.  The silence drags on for a few minutes, Kaz in no rush.  “Why do you even fucking care?” Eli finally asks, voice unusually quiet, still looking away.

     “Because it matters,” Kaz tells him.

     Eli turns and looks at him.  For a minute, Kaz thinks they might actually have a quiet, normal conversation.  Instead Eli explodes.  

    “You really want to know?” he asks loudly, standing, throwing the wooden stake in his chair.  He starts to pace, voice rising.  “I hate this goddamn place and the reminder every single fucking day that I’m not ever going to be myself.  That I will always be a shadow, that I am nothing compared to Boss, that I mean nothing in his wake.  I will always be worthless, and inferior, and nothing!”  

     He takes a breath and then continues, face red and angry, fists curled in white knuckled balls, still yelling.  “They told me every day what my purpose was, and when I escaped those awful people, I thought it would change.  I thought I’d be free of those expectations, to become myself.  But I don’t even know who the fuck I’m supposed to be.  Even without the constant reminder of who I’m not.”

     In all of Eli’s previous outbursts, the anger has always been directed at everyone around him.  But now, Eli’s really let it out, honest and truly burst.  Kaz hears the pain, the loss in the yelling.  And he understands.  His chest aches and he gets it, why Eli’s always so angry, why he’s always so resentful.  It’s a similar feeling to the one Kaz had growing up, never knowing who he really was either.  Eli stops pacing and stares Kaz down, blinking back angry tears, challenging Kaz to call him out on it, chest heaving.

     Instead, Kaz meets his challenged stare and lifts himself out of the chair.  He breaks eye contact in order to walk to the platform railing.  Below, he can see the group from earlier still working on costumes, faint laughing echoing up the way.  He glances over his shoulder; Eli’s face is slightly less red, his hands still in fists.

     “You know,” Kaz says conversationally, as if he hadn’t just witnessed a huge preteen meltdown over something beyond the scope of what most preteens deal with.  He turns back to watch the ocean horizon. “You’re only 12.  It’s okay that you don’t know who you are.  No one does at that age.  Or at any age, really.”

     Eli surprises him by joining him at the railing, arms dangling over the side, chin on top of them.  It’s almost as if the cork that bottled his seeming endless rage has finally blown out, all the emotion leaving him like a vessel.  It’s so odd to Kaz seeing Eli this way - Eli who normally would be chasing David on base, trying to one up him at something or other, the Eli constantly trying to outsmart Ocelot.  He watches the blond head out of the corner of his eyes.

     “Yeah, but you aren’t a clone,” Eli grumbles.  “It sucks being expected to be someone else.”

     This time, Kaz turns to look at him.  “Then don’t be someone else,” he says.  “None of us expect you to be anything or do anything.  Well, except maybe follow base rules,” he adds with a chuckle.

     Eli looks back at Kaz, head still on his dangling arms.  “Is it always going to be this hard?” he whispers, as if afraid of weakness.  “Am I always going to be this way?”

     Kaz looks at Eli, truly looks at him.  The raw vulnerability in his normally hard green eyes, the hidden pain along his face, the one or two leaking drops trailing along it.  He knew it, all along.  There is no anger just for the sake of anger in this boy; just a lot of painful struggles.  

     Kaz gives Eli a soft half smile.  “Yes,” he says.  “And no.  Yes, it is hard.  Yes, it will always be hard, at least to some extent.  But you have to decide for yourself if there’s enough good around you to make it worth it.  And I haven’t met anyone yet who’s always stayed the same forever.”

     Eli thinks it over, then nods once before wiping his face.  “If you tell anyone about this though,” he tells Kaz, the haughtiness back in his voice.  “I will hunt you down.”

     Kaz moves away from the railing.  “I don’t doubt it,” he says as he moves, Eli following back to his chair.  “By the way, why a vampire slayer?”

     “Because vampires suck,” Eli says with a tinge of bitterness and frustration back in his voice.  “Literally.”

     Kaz laughs once.  If only Eli and Snake could get on the same page, he thinks as he heads down the stairs and back to the main platform.  There might be more in common than they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, my beautiful readers, and I will see you at the next update! :)
> 
> ~Birdie


	11. Pre-Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovely readers!
> 
> As you may have guessed from the chapter summary, this is an M for Mature chapter.  
> I have never written a chapter like this before, but this one was begging to happen, so please be gentle with me.  
> Also, if this is something you'd like to avoid, you are more than welcome to skip this chapter.
> 
> Thanks and enjoy! (Hopefully!)  
> ~Birdie

Chapter 11: Pre-Party

_“And yet another moral occurs to me now: Make love when you can.  It’s good for you.” - Kurt Vonnegut_

     “I look ridiculous.”

     Kaz smirks at Snake as he enters the bedroom, dressed in a suit with a nerf gun in his hand.  His  dark hair is slicked back without his usual ponytail, beard touched up slightly, defining the line of his jaw.   He looks even more ridiculously handsome than usual and the sight of him makes Kaz hot, his stomach flipping with desire and want.

     “No,” Kaz purrs, making Snake raise and eyebrow.  “You look dashing and debonair and dare I say absolutely hot, Mr. Bond.”

     Kaz wears a white button down and dress slacks, a “Kiss the Cook” apron around his neck and waist, chef hat where his usual beret rests.  Since he’s proud owner of Miller’s Maxi Buns, he thought it would be alright to dress the part for tonight’s Halloween bash.  It seemed like the best costume at the time, and even though he’s having slight second thoughts about it, it’s still the best costume.  How he convinced Snake to dress as James Bond, he still hasn’t figured out, but goddamn Kaz is glad he did.  He licks his lips ever so slightly as Snake walks over to where he sits on the edge of the bed.

     “Is that so,” Snake says, voice deep and slow.  He takes Kaz’s chef’s hat off and tosses it on the bed, running his hands through Kaz’s blond hair.  “Do continue.”

     Goosebumps prickle down Kaz’s spine.  He runs his hand up Snake’s suit front, his pulse quickening as he feels the tight muscles separated from his fingers by only a flimsy shirt.  “You look amazing in that suit, Boss,” he says, swallowing hard.  His hand reaches Snake’s collar, pulls him down by his black bow tie.  “But it would look even better on the floor.”

     Snake’s hands leave Kaz’s hair to cup his face, bringing them together, pressing his lips to Kaz’s full ones.  “I agree,” Snake breathes before devouring Kaz’s lips in his own.  Kaz eagerly responds before pulling away with a sigh, remembering one crucial detail.

     “What about the party?” he asks.  Not that he cares.  He’d rather be in bed with Snake than socializing with recruits anyway.  It’s been so long since they’ve had any real quality time together, let alone intimacy, with Snake on missions and Kaz running base and now the complication of kids, two of which seemed to always need some form of supervision.  Not to mention the nine years they lost; no matter how many times they come together, Kaz still feels like he’s trying to regain lost time.

     Snake chuckles, the throaty sound adding to the longing in Kaz’s chest, the burning in his gut.  “They can start without us,” Snake growls, slipping out of his suit jacket before launching himself at Kaz again, removing his apron and aviators in a fluid motion before capturing the full lips again.

     Kaz greedily accepts, parting his lips slightly to run his tongue against Snake’s lower lip, tracing the scars there.  His hand runs the stubbled jaw before nestling in Snake’s hair, relishing the feeling of it free from it’s usual ponytail, pulling him even closer.  Snake tangles his hands back into Kaz’s hair, then runs them down his neck, his shoulders, lips frantic and hot.  

     Snake scoots him into the bed, pressing him down into the mattress, and Kaz sighs into the kiss, eyes closing.  The pressure feels wonderful, secure, Snake’s arms on either side of him, fingers tracing Kaz’s face.  Snake runs his tongue over both of Kaz’s lips before nibbling on the bottom on, sucking on it, teasing.  Kaz sighs again, softly; Snake releases his lip and thrusts his tongue into Kaz’s warm mouth, running over teeth and tongue.  Kaz eagerly returns the motion, tasting bittersweet cigar remnants as he explores Snake’s mouth, so familiar and yet never something he tires of, practically humming in bliss.

     Snake breaks the kiss, moves his mouth over Kaz’s jawline, nipping and kissing down his neck.  Kaz moans quietly as Snake starts unbuttoning his shirt, following his hands with his mouth, placing hot wet kisses on the bare skin.  He sucks on Kaz’s collar bones, his chest, and down further, and Kaz can’t help himself, groaning under the welcome touches, chills racing his back and heat building in his groin.  He grabs Snake’s hair to pull him back up, needing to feel the scarred bearded lips against his own. Snake runs his hands up Kaz’s stomach and chest, tracing the muscles as he kisses his way back up as he complies, capturing Kaz’s trembling lips again in a hard, fast kiss that makes Kaz feel light headed and causes him to whimper, unashamed.

     Too soon Snake pulls back again, this time to remove his bow tie and his own button down, pulling his dress slacks off without ceremony, his erection pressing against his dark boxers. The sight of him undressing combined with knowing how aroused Snake is makes Kaz’s pants tighter, and he sits up to touch Snake’s chest, gracing his fingertips over the defined muscles, the coarse dark hair, the deep scars that will never go away, no matter how much time passes, down to the thick heat in his boxers, earning a low growling moan before he removes his hand.  Snake rips the shirt from under Kaz, and his blue eye burns as he looks into Kaz’s damaged ones, making the blonds heart race even more, a flush spreading over his face and neck, burning the best way possible.

     Snake once more presses Kaz down into the mattress and Kaz hungrily kisses his neck, his ear, his jaw, groaning as Snake rubs his hand along Kaz’s slacks.  He smirks at Kaz as he drops back, placing his mouth wetly along Kaz’s stomach, the burning ache becoming nearly unbearable as he undoes Kaz’s pants and frees him.  Kaz sits up as best he can and meets Snake’s eye, lust deep as he looks up from the throbbing between Kaz’s legs.

     “Kept you waiting, huh?” Snake growls, and runs his tongue along Kaz’s length before engulfing it in his hot wet mouth.

     “Smartass,” Kaz grinds out as he grips the sheets painfully tight and Snake snickers around his erection, making Kaz call out.  His head falls back with a moan as Snake starts sucking and licking, setting a pace that makes him shudder.  He doesn’t remember when his eyes shut, but he swears he can see the electricity that’s coursing through him behind the dark lids.

     Just when he thinks he can’t hold on, Snake lifts his mouth and places himself on top of Kaz.  Kaz, breathless and panting, grabs Snake’s shoulder almost violently, crushing his lips desperately against his commanders, Snake hungrily pressing back, his mouth hot and wet against Kaz’s.  He lets his hand leaves Snake’s shoulder, trailing down his side, between them, touching Snake’s arousal, hot and thick in his palm.  Snake moans, breath heavy as he leans against Kaz’s shoulders as Kaz strokes a few times before lifting his hips to grind their members together, Snake’s groans adding fuel to his own burning.  He places sloppy kisses along the strong neck, sucking a mark where it meet the shoulder, then burrows his face in Snake’s shoulder, breathing in the musk and sweat and remnants of cologne, so familiar, so entirely Snake, Boss, John.

     Snake reaches between their legs this time, breathing hard against Kaz’s ear, sending another wave of shivers down his lover’s body.  He grabs Kaz’s hand and wraps around their met arousals, pumping slowly at first, then moving faster and faster while still somehow moving hips until Kaz feels as if he’s going to black out, throwing his head back into the pillows, the intensity one he hasn’t felt in so long, one he can’t achieve on his own though god knows he’s tried on those times when Snake’s gone for too long.  Faintly on the edge of his consciousness he can hear Snake muffling his name against Kaz’s shoulder, moaning it over and over again, almost a possessive growl, and Kaz can’t handle it anymore, coming with a shudder hot and sticky over his and Snake’s hands, Snake not far behind him, leaving salty stickiness over Kaz’s stomach.

     For a moment they lay there panting.  Kaz enjoys the lingering sensations running through his body as Snake rolls off to his side, arm draped over Kaz’s heaving chest.  Slowly, Kaz’s breathing calms, matching Snake’s as he moves onto the broad chest, listening to the heartbeat beneath his ear.  Snake runs his hand through Kaz’s damp hair, pushing the strands back before pulling him close and planting a kiss on his forehead.

     “I told you the suit looked good on the floor,” Kaz whispers into Snake’s neck, planting a kiss as the other chuckles.

     “And that’s why you’re second in command,” he replies with a chaste kiss on Kaz’s lips before sliding out of bed to grab his now wrinkled suit pants.  “We should probably go join the rest of staff though.”

     Kaz sighs in annoyance, longing to call it off and stay in bed.  “Or we could not,” he grumbles, reluctantly joining Snake to get dressed again.

     “It won’t be so bad,” Snake says, fixing his tie and helping Kaz with his hat.  “Besides, it’d be a shame to let all that work you did go to waste.  And I could use a cigar.”

     Kaz knows Snake’s right, so he kisses Snake one last time and lets himself be guided out of the bedroom and into the night air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that. I feel like there will be more scenes like this in the future, both because I need them to do the do and because I want to practice writing it. 
> 
> See you at the next chapter, lovelies!  
> ~Birdie


	12. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They haven't really had a party since MSF, and it's totally worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies! :D
> 
> I have another installment of this awesomely chaotic road trip we're taking, and I hope you all enjoy it! I also have a map at last, which I will share in the notes at the bottom of the page. 
> 
> Have fun at the party! :D
> 
> ~Birdie

Chapter 12: Halloween

_“I want to give a really BAD party.  I mean it.  I want to give a party where there’s a brawl and seductions and people going home with their feelings hurt and women passed out in the cabinet de toilette.  You wait and see.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald_

     When Kaz and Snake arrive on the main platform of Mother Base, they find the party well in action.  Recruits walk around in various costumes, the most popular being an eye patch and gear to look like Big Boss himself.  Snake acknowledges each soldier who greets him, some holding beers and others with fists of sweets from various tables around.  Music hums from speakers around the crowded platform, a mix of everything from “Monster Mash” to the dreaded “Ghostbusters” theme, though as Kaz feels himself loosen up in the atmosphere, he finds he isn’t as bothered by it anymore and he’s glad so many people are dancing and laughing.  Base hasn’t been this way in a long time, and the realization that he’s missed this - the joy, the comradery, the ability to relax and not think - hits him hard.

     The two of them make their way to a drink table, Snake grabbing two beers - one for him and one for Kaz - before they push through thongs of people over to the side where chairs are scattered about, a few already drunk recruits leaning back, out of the way of the laughing dancers wearing glow stick necklaces.  Just as they reach their destination, movement out of the corner of Kaz’s eye catches him, and he turns his head in time to see Eli sneaking in the shadows, heading for the external staircase.  Snake follows Kaz’s gaze, and they watch as Eli sits on the platform stairs, holding his stake and cross like a drunk would a tonic, knuckles white around them.  He keeps turning his head, looking around on guard, suspicious of everything.  Lilith had done a great job aiding him with his costume (once he finally relented and let her) and he looks like an Indiana Jones Van Helsing - fedora and black jacket instead of his normal beach outfit.

     “A cross and a stake?” Snake asks Kaz curiously, opening a beer as Kaz eases himself into a chair so he can enjoy his beer without his crutch interfering.    

     Kaz smiles as he takes the bottle from Snake, taking a drink and savoring the cool liquid running down his throat.  “Vampire hunter from Dracula,” he replies over the music.  “He hates vampires almost as much as this other guy I know.”

     Snake nods approvingly, lifting his beer and taking a swig.  “Smart kid.”

     “You know,” Kaz tells him, taking another drink, “if you actually spent more time with him - with all of the kids, really - you might learn they aren’t so different from you.”

     “But I have been spending more time with them...Right?”  Snake sounds as confused as he looks, a puzzled expression covering his gruff face.

     Kaz sighs.  “John,” he says, voice serious, using the Boss’s name to emphasis his point, “all you’ve done so far is play paintball, lecture about boxes, and take David and Lilith on missions where you proceeded to teach them about, you guessed it, boxes.  That’s not really getting to know your kids.  Our kids.  You have to have conversations with them about how they’re doing, what they’re thinking...”  He trails off, watching Eli jump slightly as a recruit further on base yells a little too loudly.

     Snake sighs deeply, running his hand back through his dark hair. “Kaz, you know I’m no good at that sort of thing.  The emotional stuff.”

     Kaz offers him a tired half smile.  “I know.  That’s why I’ve been the one doing all the -” he makes air quotes around the neck of his beer bottle -“ ‘hard parenting’.” 

     Snake chuckles before going quiet again.  “I just don’t know...how to...connect.”  He hesitates over the words, confused and frustrated all at once.  The man could lead an army, but things like this remind Kaz just how awkward his lover is when it comes to social relationships beyond the battlefield and planning.

     “Well,” Kaz offers, “they’re kids.  They aren’t some foreign creature.  And your kids are freakishly smart.  Talk to them like you would anyone else.”  He watches Eli.  “For instance, you could go talk to that troublemaker about vampires and Dracula, compare strategies, that sort of thing.”

     Snake glances at Kaz, uncertainty in his blue eye turning into determination.  “You’re right,” he says.  He takes a large chug of beer then starts walking towards Eli.  

     Kaz watches, sipping on his bottle, to make sure they get off on good footing.  Snake sits down next to Eli and it pleases Kaz when Eli doesn’t move away, though annoyance flashes in his green eyes.  “So…” Kaz overhears Snake say.  “You’re armed for vampires too, huh?  Can’t be too careful.”

     Eli rolls his eyes.  “Whatever, they aren’t real,” he mutters.  But then he looks at Snake with second thoughts.  “Are they?”

     Taking another drink, Kaz decides Snake will be just fine with the kids.  He just needs a little nudge from time to time.  And from what he can tell, Eli at least seems to be trying in his own way; the power of mutual vampire hatred must be strong.  Kaz downs the rest of his drink and grabs his crutch, standing, relaxed enough to go see how the rest of the Halloween party looks.  Snake looks at him as Kaz passes, and Kaz nods encouragingly, ignoring the death glare from Eli as he leaves them to their vampire talk.

     Clusters of people gather throughout the rest of the platform, some in stairways, some leaning against railings.  There are at least two dozen Big Boss costumes that Kaz can tell, with the occasional Miller trenchcoat and beret thrown in.  At least they got the aviators right, Kaz thinks with a laugh as another Miller costume crosses his path.  Sadistic Kitten passes in her catwoman suit at one point, and another woman (Flaming Buffalo?  Kaz has trouble keeping track sometimes, and the beer isn’t helping much) wearing a mock up Ghostbusters suit talks giggles loudly with one of the male recruits wearing a matching costume.

     Eventually Kaz sees Ocelot, leaning against a wall, normal uniform accented with a cowboy hat.  He’s talking conversationally with a female recruit dressed as a pirate, and Kaz makes his way over, having really nothing better to do.  Ocelot looks up as he approaches and greets him with a touch of his hat.  The recruit looks up as well, green eyes pleased, drink in one hand and a rolled up piece of paper in the other.

     “Ah, Miller, excellent timing,” Ocelot drawls conversationally.  “Meet our newest medical staff member, Laughing Jackal.”

     The recruit smiles at him pleasantly.  “I’d shake your hand, but I don’t want to lose my drink or drawing,” she says, sounding similar to Scarlett O’Hara from “Gone with the Wind.”

     Kaz nods.  “Pleasure,” he says with a ghost of a smile.  “Welcome to Diamond Dogs.”

     “Commander Miller may be pleasant tonight,” Ocelot tells Laughing Jackal, “but tomorrow he’ll be back to being salty as the sea.  By the way, Miller, you should see what your daughter’s up to tonight.”  He smiles lightly at Kaz and motions with his chin a little across from them.

     Kaz rolls his eyes behind his aviators, not nearly as annoyed as he could be, before looking in the direction Ocelot gave, dreading a little what he might see.  Lilith hasn’t really given him or Snake any trouble, mostly keeping to herself or hanging out with various female crewmates.  But Kaz also remembers what it was like to be 15 and surrounded by drinking adults.  The memories make him cringe inwards just thinking about them; hopefully she’s not doing anything like beer pong or pot or…

     Instead there’s a line of soldiers along the railing.  At the head of the line, a recruit sits in a Big Boss costume on a crate.  Across from him, Lilith sits on a matching crate, sketching quickly, Quiet watching at her side.  As Kaz watches, she rips the page from her notebook and hands it to the soldier; in exchange, he passes some amount of money to Quiet, which she places in Lilith’s pencil case.  

     “She’s quite clever,” Ocelot says, a note of admiration in his voice as he watches Lilith.

     Kaz eyes him suspiciously, remembering the way he looked for reactions when the file was delivered.  It still leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.  Ocelot returns Kaz’s suspicious gaze with a calm cool one.  

     “Don’t worry, Miller,” he says lithely, leaning close so the recruit in their midst can’t hear.  “I’m not going to do anything.  The thing with the file was just to verify she wasn’t working for anyone.  Which she’s not,” he adds, seeing the frustration in Kaz build.  “You can’t blame me for wanting to double check myself.  What with Huey’s incident and all.”

     Kaz glares at him a moment more as Ocelot moves back to the wall, trying to figure out how to process the information and deciding to deal with it later.  He looks at Laughing Jackal, engaged in watching the people passing by as she sips her drink.  “Did she do one for you?” he asks, motioning at the paper in her hand.

     Laughing Jackal beams.  “Indeed, sir,” she says, holding her paper out.  “Took her about ten minutes.” Sure enough, it’s an accurate sketch of the recruit, done in charcoal.  Kaz glances up from the paper.   

     “Cost 10 bucks a person.  Which isn’t bad at all,” Laughing Jackal adds as she waves to someone over Kaz’s shoulder; Kaz glances behind him, recognizing Sadistic Kitten.  The new recruit excuses herself and heads off with Sadistic Kitten, laughing loudly and leaving Kaz and Ocelot alone.

     Ocelot smirks back at Kaz.  “It does make you wonder what she’ll do with the money,” he says conversationally as Kaz continues watching the line for portraits.  “Maybe someone can take her mainland to shop.  I reckon she’s made over a hundred at this point.”

     “She’s definitely making more tonight than I made in a sitting at her age,” Kaz mutters, impressed at his daughter’s use of the party.  

     Snake arrives with two more beers in hand; Kaz moves against the wall so he can let go of his crutch and take the second beer.  Ocelot acknowledges Snake with the same hat tip he gave Kaz and Snake nods back.  He looks over at Lilith and Quiet, a smile breaking on his scarred face.  “Another smart kid,” he tells Kaz.

     Kaz rolls his eyes.  “That’s what I’ve been telling you, Snake,” he says with a sigh.  “By the way, where’s Eli?

     “He went up to a better vantage point to watch for vampires who might crash our base,” Snake says seriously.  “After telling me he still thinks I’m stupid, but not as stupid because I take him seriously when no one else will about Dracula. That counts for something, right?”

     Kaz laughs to himself.  “Yeah, I’d call that some progress with him.”

     Ocelot shifts, his boot spurs rattling.  “Maybe you should try taking him on a mission, Boss,” he suggests.  “He’s starting to listen more in CQC training; could be good for both of you.”

     Kaz wants to argue because it’s Ocelot after all, but instead gives a shrug.  “You could always try,” he relents.

     Snake looks thoughtful and Kaz takes another drink of beer, enjoying himself for one of the first times since everything happened with MSF.  The hum of the bass, the laughter mingling, even being by Ocelot and his damned spurs - all of it reminds him that this is home, family, and not just anyone else’s home or family, but his home, his family, the place Kazuhira Miller truly belongs.  Peace and contentment wash over him, and even with missing limbs he feels whole.  That sense of peace lasts only a brief moment though.  DD comes racing through the throngs of people, barking loudly, David chasing behind him.

     “Stupid dog, stop!” David yells, frustrated, as DD runs straight for the three men.

     DD doesn’t even slow as he jumps his legs up on Kaz, pushing him further into the wall and spilling his beer all over, licking Kaz’s face sloppily before jumping down and sitting between Ocelot and Snake.  Kaz wipes his face in disgust, then looks at the lost beer now soaking his costume.  Ocelot and Snake both laugh, Ocelot leaning down to scratch DD’s ears; Kaz makes sure Snake sees the glare he gives them both before turning his attention to David.

     David, for what it’s worth, grins sheepishly.  It’s the first time any of them have witnessed him smiling or with anything remotely connected to joy on his face.  One look at his face and Kaz knows he can’t be mad, choosing to sigh instead.

     “At least you’re wearing an apron?” David offers.  

     “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Kaz says, smiling in spite of himself for a moment.  He looks at Snake.  “I need another beer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, map time. :D
> 
> The plan is this story will go an entire year in the life of this awkwardly awesome family.  
> Then, there will be a sequel from a few years down the road.  
> Also, if any of you would like to be background recruit characters, just send me a message with your base name and gender (if you have a specific one you'd like to go as.)
> 
> I am so excited so many of you are riding with me! I appreciate you all and your support. :)
> 
> See you at the next chapter!  
> ~Birdie


	13. Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ocelot is less of a dick, Snake doesn't get fashion, and David wants a Husky puppy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there loves! :)
> 
> This chapter is a little longer than the others, but (hopefully) fun! 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> ~Birdie

Chapter 13: Shopping

_“The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.” - Marcelene Cox_

     “We can’t leave base completely unmanned,” Kaz mutters, looking over the papers in front of him.  Not a week after Halloween Lilith had approached him, looking tentative, and asked if it would be possible for her to somehow either order some things with the money she earned or possibly even leave base to go shopping.  She’d earned nearly $200 and wanted to get some things, mainly clothes and make up.  Now Snake, Kaz, and Ocelot sit in Kaz’s office, trying to decide the best course of action.

     “But it would be good for her to get off base for a little,” Ocelot says, arms crossed, leaning on the door frame.  “She’s a teenager.  She should have at least some experiences like her peers.”

     Kaz rubs his hand over his face.  On the sofa, Snake lights up a cigar, filling the room with the familiar bittersweet tobacco smoke.  Leaving base with Cipher more than likely still looking for the twins and Lilith seems incredibly risky.  But Kaz really does (against every fiber in his being that wants to argue and disagree with the Russian cowboy on everything) think Ocelot’s right about Lilith needing teen experiences off base, just like David and Eli will eventually too.

     “Look,” Kaz says with a sigh.  “I’m not discrediting that.  But who would take her?  We can’t let Quiet off base in a civilian area, she’s too much of a risk and liability.  We could have random soldiers take her, but-”

     “I’ll take her,” Ocelot says as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.  “Room 101’s empty, training’s been so good lately that the recruits can have a day off, and -”

     There’s a knock at the door.  “It’s open,” Kaz calls, tiredly.

     Ocelot moves as Lilith enters the room, looking intently at a book in her hand.  “Hey K-Dad, so I finished Fahrenheit 451 and...I…” She trails off as she looks around the room.  Her violet eyes land on Ocelot and she starts to back away.  “Um, it’s not important...I’ll just come back later…”

     “No, it’s okay, stay,” Snake says gently from the sofa, face soft as he looks at the girl.  He moves over to make room for her to sit.  Her eyes meet Kaz’s questioningly, hesitation written clearly across her face, and he nods encouragingly.  Better to have her here while fine tuning her trip details anyway.  She perches on the edge of the sofa, clearly uncomfortable at the situation she walked in on.

     “We were actually just talking about you and your desire to go off base,” Ocelot tells Lilith conversationally.  

     “Oh...um,” she mutters, not looking at him or any of them for that matter.  “It was a stupid request, I’m a huge liability…”

     “It’s not a stupid request, sweetheart,” Kaz tells her gently.  She clenches the beat up book with white knuckles, still not looking up.  “We just have to figure out the best way to work it so Mother Base isn’t left unprotected and so Cipher can’t touch you, that’s all.”

     “It’ll be fine.  Diamond Dogs really are the best of the best,” Snake tells her reassuringly, putting out his partial cigar to spare her from the smoke.  Kaz smiles a little inside at the gesture, a testament to Snake taking Kaz’s words to heart.

     Ocelot shifts by the door, his spurs rattling.  “I thought I’d take you, actually,” he says.

     “What?” Lilith snaps her head up and looks at Ocelot with wide eyes.  “No, no, no.  No fucking way.  I’ve heard the rumors of what you do to people,” she says, her voice starting to rise in pitch, quicking, almost bordering hysterics.  Kaz, expecting this sort of thing to happen eventually, looks at Snake; Snake reads the same way - resignation and concern across his face, but no sign of surprise as the girl continues. “How you torture prisoners for fun, how you get off on it, and why would you even want to do anything with me anyway, I thought you hate me,  you were a total dick - “

     “Lilith.”  It comes out of Kaz’s mouth before he can stop it; he’s afraid she’s going to have an anxiety attack.  “Ocelot may be a “total dick” sometimes, and I wanted to punch him in the face when he brought your file in.  Still kinda do.  But we had a base nine years ago that was destroyed because of someone we considered a...friend.”  The word leaves a bitter copper taste in his mouth.  “Ocelot was looking out for our best interests.  And he won’t lay a finger on you, so you don’t need to worry about his...hobbies.”

     Lilith turns, breathing shallow, and looks at him; Kaz watches her process the information.  Snake places a hand on her shoulder and having run out of steam, she lets him keep it there.  Her shoulders slump, face flushed, and Kaz can almost see her crawl back into her quiet shell.

     “Sorry,” she mumbles.

     Ocelot chuckles, face amused.  “It’s alright,” he tells her with his slight smile.  “Most everyone does something similar.  There are rumors about me all over base, some true, some not.  You’d be a fool to let your guard down.  Can’t blame you for instinct.”

     Lilith glances at him.   Snake removes his hand off her shoulder; though she’s calmed down, distress lines still run her face.  Kaz bites his lip then leans over, rummaging through one of his desk drawers until he finds his hidden stash of ginger hard candies.  As a kid, he would suck on them at school or in the tobacco shop whenever things got too stressful, giving him a distraction to focus on.  He still uses them on particular taxing days on base, keeping a stash for occasions just like this.  Judging from the events unfolding, he and Lilith could both use one.  He pulls the box out, sticking one of the spicy candies in his mouth before turning his attention to the sofa.

     “Catch,” Kaz tells Lilith, and tosses her one of the individually wrapped candies over his desk.  She catches it easily and gives him a small smile of thanks before popping it in her mouth.

     “Also, I don’t hate you.  Hell, I don’t even really know you,” Ocelot continues pleasantly in his lilting voice.  “I was just trying to get a feel for what, if anything, you knew from your file.”  He gives her a smile, one of the only genuine ones Kaz has seen him give anyone other than Snake.

     Lilith sucks on her candy a minute.  “I’m pretty sure I know everything in that file,” she says dryly.  She starts listing on her fingers.  “Control clone, no birthdate listed, crappy useless homelife, and to be exterminated because disposable and no longer needed.”  She looks at all three men and gives a half smile.  “How close am I?”

     And before anyone can say a word, Snake uncharacteristically wraps his arms around her slight frame, giving her a brief, awkward bear hug.  Kaz almost laughs at the absurdity of it; judging from the look on Ocelot’s face, he’s in the same predicament.  But Kaz sobers almost immediately because of the words that follow.

     “Not disposable,” Snake growls after he’s released Lilith.  The protective glint in his blue eye causes warmth to surge through Kaz’s chest.  “And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

     “Um, thanks?” Lilith offers.  The poor girl looks at Kaz completely bewildered at what just happened.  

      Kaz just shrugs.  “He’s right,” he tells her, then switches back to the original topic before things get too out of control; they have reputations to maintain as gruff angry guys, after all.  Although, at this point, those reputations are basically dead anyway - thank God the soldiers still fear them enough to not say anything though.  Kaz motions to the papers on his desk.

     “Anyway, about this trip mainland.  I found a small shopping district tucked away in Cape Town that should have everything you would be interested in - clothes, art stuff, that sort of thing.  It really just becomes a matter of who’s going, how we’re going to keep base safe, and how we’re going to keep you safe.”

     “That sounds like a lot of work for you guys,” Lilith says, frowning.  “Really, it’s okay if it can’t -”

     “I’ll go,” Ocelot repeats yet again.  “I could use a trip off base anyway.”

     “And I’ll go too,” Snake offers.  “Could be fun.”

      Kaz pinches the bridge of his nose.  “And if both of you are gone, who’s going to be here to maintain things?”

     “You,” Snake and Ocelot say in unison.  Lilith lets out a nervous giggle.

     “You’re killing me, both of you,” Kaz mutters.  “I need a pay raise, I swear.”

 

     Ultimately, Snake and Ocelot plan on taking Lilith to the small mall on the condition that they leave base in heightened alert and wear normal civilian clothes with concealed weapons.  Lilith and Ocelot are both given iDroids like Snake (“But don’t tell the others, or everyone on base will want one,” Kaz tells the violet eyed girl) to stay in contact throughout the day as necessary.  A recruit, a young man code named Brutal Harrier, also gets drafted to go along for extra security.  Pequod, when the plans are laid out before him, gets exceptionally excited.

     “I can teach her to fly!” he says cheerfully.

      Snake and Kaz look at each other, then back at Pequod.  “No,” they tell him in unison.

     And while their trusty pilot sighs, slightly disappointed, he’s still excited for something non dangerous and out of the range of “normal” for Mother Base.  Once they finish the prep work and plans, operation “Take the Teenage Girl to the Mall” begins.

     Snake looks good in civilian clothes, Kaz has to admit as he watches his partner finish dressing.  Jeans and a white tee, his usual black jacket replaced with a denim one all look dangerously good on him, and Kaz reminds himself why Snake’s dressed normally so as not to get distracted.  He gives into temptation enough to place quick kiss on the lips before they walk to the helicopter where Pequod and the rest wait.  Lilith still looks somewhat nervous next to Ocelot, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, but the anxiety fades to excitement as Snake jumps in the helicopter, pulling her in before Ocelot gracefully steps inside.  Kaz sees them off before heading back to his office, unsure of how this is going to go.

 

     An hour later and several new missions to review later, David comes barging into Kaz’s office, DD at his heels.  Kaz looks up and eyes the dog with mild annoyance.  “David, why is the dog in my office?” he groans, watching DD scratch himself, releasing a cloud of dander.  “Haven’t we talked about this?  Shedding, slobber, etc.  Also, haven’t we talked about knocking?”

     An unfortunate habit of both twins, becoming more pronounced the more they get comfortable on base, involves not knock and just letting themselves in where they feel like it.  And while Kaz has repeatedly told them both, time and time again, that his office requires knocking, it still hasn’t stuck.  He rubs his temple, trying to prevent the dull ache before it hits.  Maybe he should just keep the door locked at all times.

     David looks up seriously.  “Um, can I come in?”

     Just like Snake.  Brilliant, but sometimes without common sense.  “You already did,” Kaz reminds him.

     “Right,” David says.  “Anyway, check out what I taught D Dog to do!”  

      He’s so excited and pleased with himself that Kaz gives in, annoyance turning to amusement.  “What did you teach DD to do?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.  Ocelot had trained the wolf-dog to do most basic things: come, stay, sit, heel.  So David teaching the dog something new intrigues Kaz.

     David goes over to where DD sits, sniffing at one of Kaz’s bookshelves.  “DD,” he says, blue eyes excited.  DD pulls his head up and wags his tail at the boy.  David holds his hand out as Kaz watches.  “DD, shake!”

     And DD places his paw on David’s hand, panting as if also pleased with himself.  David turns to Kaz excitedly.  “Isn’t that cool?  I taught him that!”

     Kaz laughs.  “Nicely done,” he tells David.  “Ocelot didn’t even try that one, I’m sure of it.”

     David sobers just a little, a small grin on his face.  “We should get him a friend,” he muses.  “Another dog so they can play together.  Maybe a huskie puppy.”

     Kaz deadpans.  “No,” he tells David.  “If you want to play with other animals, take DD to the wildlife reserve.”

     David turns pleading.  “Can we at least consider it??  Please?”  His voice cracks a little at the end, a sign of the upcoming puberty that’s going to rocket through him and Eli.  Kaz isn’t ready to think about two ornery boys hitting puberty at the same time.  There’s enough chaos as it is.

     Kaz sighs.  “Fine,” he says.  “I’ll think about it.”

     “Awesome,” David says, flashing his grin.  “Come on DD!  Let’s go show Quiet!”  

     “Close the door!” Kaz yells as they race out, but it’s too late.  Grumbling under his breath without any real bite, he gets up and limps to the door, shutting it before resuming his task of reviewing missions.

     Kaz’s iDroid beeps three times in succession just as he’s regained his momentum.  At this rate, Kaz decides as he opens his screen, nothing’s getting done today.  Typical.  But that annoyance also doesn’t last long as he sees what Snake sent.  There’s a picture of Lilith and Ocelot, not realizing they’re getting their picture taken, holding up scarves for comparison, Lilith laughing and Ocelot smiling.  The second picture is of the three of them, Lilith holding the iDroid at arms length to get all three faces in the picture; she’s smiling, violet eyes happy, Snake looks tired but pleased, and Ocelot has his signature smirk.

    It’s more than Kaz even thought to hope for, and he smiles in spite of the stack of papers on his desk.  But it’s Snake’s text that makes him laugh to himself, the sound bubbling up from the warmth in his chest.  

    “On our way back,” it reads.  “Also, I don’t get fashion.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, lovelies!
> 
> See you at the next chapter. :)
> 
> ~Birdie


	14. Garlands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which burly soldiers get roped into decorating base for the holidays and there are lots of fluffy feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies! :)
> 
> Here we are with another chapter of our story!   
> I proofread this several times, but I'm also super tired; as always, all errors are mine.
> 
> Also, this chapter is very fluffy. Just saying. :)
> 
> Enjoy!  
> ~Birdie

Chapter 14: Garlands

 

_“Happiness, not in another place but this place, not for another hour, but this hour.” - Walt Whitman_

     The first week of December brings even more rain.  Kaz starts to think maybe being in the Seychelles waters wasn’t the best idea from a weather viewpoint; at least the storms this time of year don’t take too much of a toll on morale.  Thanksgiving had been a fairly quiet affair on base, with Snake somehow getting them all together to have a quick meal.  It had been a pleasant change of pace, even with Eli trying to start a food fight by flinging mashed potatoes at David, and Lilith and Quiet’s failed attempt to make cornbread muffins.  (They were dry and burnt, but Snake and Kaz ate them anyway; one day though, Kaz was going to give their daughter a cooking lesson.)  

     However, the cost numbers from all the fultoned turkeys make Kaz cringe as he messes with the monthly budget, even as he knows the enjoyment outweighs the cost.  He rifles through the papers cluttering his desk, crunching numbers, as Snake sits across from him reviewing a mission file.  The mission isn’t particularly dangerous and would bring in a fair amount of cash, but it also looks tedious as hell.  Snake’s been pouring over the details of it for over half an hour now, chewing the cigar between his teeth in a way Kaz finds very distracting as he tries to sort through food costs, fuel expenses, and base maintenance numbers.  

     To stay focused at this point, Kaz doesn’t look up unless he absolutely has to, squinting through his readers at receipts and proposals.  His vision’s gotten a little better, but the medical unit doesn’t expect any more improvements.  He’s going to be basically legally blind for the rest of his life and it kills him.  Missing an arm, missing part of his leg, and his eyes nearly gone - how much more pathetic can he get?  But when he brings it up with Snake, he’s met with fierce assurance that he’s not pathetic, that he’s needed even with all the flaws and breaks.

     “Yeah, I’ll take this one,” Snake grunts around his cigar, breaking the silence.  “Looks boring, but it’ll be easy and we could use the money.”

     Kaz looks up at him over the rims of his readers and gives a half smile.  “Yeah, with the winter holidays approaching, base could use the extra cash flow to keep morale going.  I suspect a lot of people are going to be wanting to make special orders for things.”

     Snake laughs and hands the file to Kaz.  “We might have to too, with three kids to think about.”

     Kaz sets the file in a separate stack before taking his readers off and tapping one of the earpieces to his lips thoughtfully.  He leans back, habitually chewing the plastic.  He hadn’t even thought about holiday things for the kids with all the recent missions coming in.  Hell, he wasn’t even entirely sure where to start.  What to do for them...

     The swivel of his chair breaks Kaz’s line of thought as he’s spun around from the desk.  Snake hovers, a hand on each arm rest, face blank except for a glint in his eye that makes Kaz’s stomach flip.  Snake raises a hand, pulls the reading glasses away from Kaz’s lips and sets them on the desk.  Then he takes his calloused thumb and brushes it along Kaz’s bottom lip, making Kaz sigh and close his eyes.  Snake brings his face down and swiftly replaces his thumb with his lips.

     “I have a day off,” he breathes against Kaz’s mouth.  “Why the hell are we still in here when we could be doing anything else?”

     Kaz’s only response is to close the distance between them again, pressing his lips forcefully against Snake’s scarred ones.  The heat begins to build across his face and the ache starts in the pit of his stomach as Snake goes to deepen the kiss, holding onto the back of Kaz’s neck.

     “Ahem,” a voice says from the doorway.

     Immediately Snake pulls his face up as Kaz opens his eyes and reaches for his aviators.  Ocelot stands by the door, arms crossed, a smirk on his face.  Kaz lets out a series of annoyed swears under his breath as Snake eyes Ocelot with only slight irritation.

     “Boss, Miller.  Sorry to interrupt,” Ocelot says lightly and Kaz knows he’s anything but sorry. “Might I suggest you lock the door next time?”

     “What do you want Ocelot?” Kaz growls, pushing his aviators into place.  “And might I suggest you knock next time?”

     Ocelot laughs.  “Oh, I don’t really want anything.  I just thought you might want to see what’s going on with the recruits in the west mess hall, is all.”

     “What is it, Ocelot?” Snake asks gruffly as Kaz fixes his beret and grabs his crutch to head to the door.  He always expects the worst in these kinds of situations, like a brawl breaking out over dinner or someone finding liquor and having a bit too much to drink.

     “Nothing bad Boss,” Ocelot replies lithely as they leave the office.  “More amusing than anything.  Didn’t want you two to miss out.”

     Amusing for Ocelot could mean nearly anything, so the dread doesn’t completely leave Kaz’s mind as they make their way to the west mess hall, the dull cracks from his crutch echoing with the Russian’s cowboy spurs.  As they near the open double doors, the sickeningly sweet scent of sugar cookies assaults Kaz’s nose.  He gives Ocelot a questioning gaze, to which the cowboy shrugs in that way of his that drives Kaz up the wall.  Kaz rolls his eyes then follows Snake into the mess hall, laughter and loud singing vibrating the air around them.

     It’s controlled chaos as Kaz looks around.  Lilith straddles a ladder, hanging a garland across the kitchen door frame, a red bow in her darkening hair.  (It’s a strange phenomenon that started happening in the few months on base, though they aren’t sure if it’s due to cloning or just a natural progression out of nowhere.)  Quiet holds the ladder base, watching closely so she doesn’t fall while Eli sulks in a chair not too far away, sucking on a peppermint stick.  At least a dozen men help hang an assortment of decorations around the room as the radio blares a David Bowie album that randomly scattered men along the long tables sing along with between bites of food.  

     Flaming Buffalo, reddish hair pulled up in a bun, and Sadistic Kitten with her brown ponytail skirt through the doorway and past Kaz without a second glance.  They carry a large box between them, laughing, as DD and David race in behind them, a green ribbon tied around DD’s neck.  The women set the box down and open it pulling out more ribbons and garlands as DD sniffs them, handing them off to Brutal Harrier and Sneaking Magpie for distribution.  Even the burliest of the men take the items from Harrier and Magpie, hanging them or placing them on tables.  David nods at Kaz and Snake, face relaxed; DD, bored with the box, comes bounding over to Snake, tail wagging fiercely.

     Snake scratches DD’s ears, completely amused as Laughing Jackal practically waltzes out of the kitchen with a plate of cookies shaped like snowmen and christmas trees.  He grabs one with his free hand as she passes by.  David, looking disinterested already at the decorating, collects a handful of the cookies then heads to the door, DD abandoning Snake to trail the dark haired boy.  Snake takes a bite of his cookie as he watches them go with an amused head shake.

     “Guess he just wanted the free food,” Snake chuckles, then turns to Kaz with laughter in his eye and amusement across his face.

     Kaz, still overwhelmed at what’s going on, tilts his head in agreement as he watches the movement in the kitchen.  He raises an eyebrow in utter disbelief as the kitchen head, a brutally gruff man named Biting Wolf who the soldiers have nicknamed the Kitchen Demon, steps out into the main area with another plate of cookies and a pot of coffee, smiling.  Kaz has never, ever witnessed Biting Wolf smiling; it’s kind of terrifying.  He has no idea what’s gotten into everyone, but he decides not to question it.  Good morale and happy recruits means better mission results to follow, after all.

     Across the room, Lilith sticks her tongue out at Eli in retaliation to something he’s said.  Kaz and Snake head their way, Kaz relaxing despite the noise and mess surrounding him.  The normally generic room feels warm, not just temperature wise, but...welcoming.  A waft of cinnamon drifts from the kitchen and the whole place smells like something familiar.  It’s what Kaz would expect from a family home during the holidays, not a military base, and it’s comforting.

     “You can’t stab people with a candy cane!” Lilith shouts to Eli as they get closer to the kids.

     Eli looks up defiantly, then pulls the candy out of his mouth, tip sharpened to a point.  “Yes, I can!” he yells back, holding it like a sword.  “I have a higher IQ than you, you can’t tell me what to do!”

     “And yet you think that little thing will actually hurt people,” Lilith shouts back.  “Stop being a moron, Eli.  Besides, I’m older than you, so don’t even play that card with me.  No one cares about IQ anyway.”

     Eli just snarls and goes back to eating his peppermint stick.  His face says annoyance, but his green eyes are almost...happy.  Happy’s not a bad look on him, Kaz thinks.  Maybe one day Eli will find the peace he needs to allow himself to be truly happy.  Each day seems a step closer.  Maybe it’s the atmosphere or maybe it’s the progress that’s already being made, but whatever it is, Kaz feels truly optimistic about the young man’s future.

     The song on the stereo switches to “Diamond Dogs,” causing the soldiers in the hall to cheer.  Lilith, adding to the sea of voices around her, looks around and sees Kaz and Snake.  She waves frantically from the top of the ladder, swaying, and Kaz momentarily worries she’s going to fall off despite Quiet holding the base.  Quiet does too, apparently, as she tightens her grip ever so slightly and clears her throat at Lilith, earning a sheepish grin from the girl.

     “Hi!” Lilith calls to the men, violet eyes bright, waving toned down.  Snake full on laughs, deep and rich, and Kaz feels his lips curling upwards at her enthusiasm, something no one could have predicted when she arrived on base in August.  Lilith looks so pleased with herself, sitting on the ladder with the garlands.  She reaches into her jeans pocket and pulls something out.  “Hey K-Dad, can you catch?”  she yells over the recruits shouting the chorus of their namesake song.

     Kaz nods, then lets go of his crutch handle, keeping the back of it propped against the upper part of his arm.  He holds his gloved hand up, wondering what their daughter could be up to.  It amazes him how easily it comes now for him to think of her like that, their daughter, of the boys as their sons.  Six months ago, he would’ve said kids were a nuisance and too much liability; now he can’t imagine life without them.  God, he sounds like one of those mushy characters from a romantic comedy, talking about how their life is forever changed by something or other.  He clears his thoughts and returns his focus to the task at hand.

     Lilith makes a fist, then tosses the thing she fished out of her pocket; Kaz only has to move a slight amount to his left to catch it, Snake giving a chuckle at his right.  Kaz opens his palm to find a peppermint disk, and something inside him clenches for a moment.  He looks up and offers Lilith a smile which she returns, putting her own candy in her mouth as she goes back to fussing over the garlands.  As Kaz slides it into his mouth, the spicy cool mint a offers a sharp contrast to the swelling warmth in his chest.

     Kaz and Snake greet the soldiers around them as they head back to the main doors.  Ocelot rejoins them, a snowman cookie in his red gloved hand, lithe smile on his face.  “Amazing, isn’t it?” he asks as he bites the head off the snowman, gesturing at the hall with his other hand.  “Mother Base and her rugged soldiers, decorating for the holidays.  Who would’ve thought it.”

     “How did it even happen?” Kaz wonders out loud, peppermint tucked between his teeth and cheek, watching everyone around the mess hall.

     Ocelot laughs.  “Lilith and Quiet came in with the handful of other female recruits we have and asked if they could decorate,” he says, amused.  “And then it just grew from there.  Between you and me, I think base likes having kids around.”  He sticks the rest of the snowman unceremoniously into his mouth.

     There’s a roar around the hall as the song finishes, soldiers holding water glasses and coffee mugs high as they triumphantly cry out the ending lyrics.  

     “BEWARE OF THE DIAMOND DOGS!”

     Kaz laughs at the absurdity of it, the contrast of bloody Diamond Dogs and snowman cookies, a military base and a home for the holidays.  Snake wraps an arm around his waist and Kaz lets himself be pulled into a side embrace, lets himself melt into Snake’s side, his warmth.  Snake presses his lips to Kaz’s ear and jawline briefly and holds him there, no words needed as they continue watching the flurry of activity around them.

     For the first time, Kaz doesn’t care who watches or what they think as he and Snake stand together.  For the first time, he isn’t worried about the next mission or the budget or the possible repairs base could need.  For the first time in a very long time, Kaz closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and lets himself truly be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, loves! See you at the next update!
> 
> ~Birdie


	15. Curtains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which birthdays are discussed and there are curtains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies!
> 
> You may have noticed some of the tags on here have changed. This story is still mostly fluff, but there are some things coming (more smut, some drama) that require higher rated tags. I promise I will always warn you when stuff is coming, so no fear, ok? :)
> 
> Also, my friend Laughing_Jackal is my new extra reader before I post things. That being said, all errors are still mine. :)
> 
> Enjoy!!  
> ~Birdie

Chapter 15: Curtains

_“I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad.  Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between.” - Sylvia Plath_

 

     The near constant light rain of December hasn’t let up in days, leaving all of base in a perpetual state of dampness, the kind that clings to faces and hair in little droplets almost like a mist rolling off the ocean.  Snake, for once on base for more than a day or two, does the rounds with Kaz, walking in the misty rain while checking on the various functions and operations.  Every soldier they meet gets a personal greet, a hand on the shoulder or pat on the back.  The boost in morale carries to every part of the Mother Base with Snake on hand, and Kaz finds himself a little jealous of how well their commander lifts the soldiers’ spirits, something he used to be able to do when he was the smiling Kazuhira Miller, the Kazuhira he was before he became the broken and bitter Commander Miller.

     They leave the animal reserve, the last stop of the day, the damp chilled air pushing through Kaz’s trenchcoat as Snake drives the open topped jeep back to the main platform.  Christmas steadily looms closer on the horizon.  The Christmases celebrated in the past with MSF were short and sweet - a night of partying and booze, the only thing exchanged between Boss and Kaz being a night in bed.  But several factors make this year different, one being the fact that it’s the first since John woke up and the other involving having kids.  Thankfully, Snake and Kaz, with the help of Ocelot, figured out what they were going to do for the kids.  But it had brought another issue to Kaz’s mind, one he hadn’t had to think about before.

     “Hey Boss,” Kaz says as Snake helps him out of the jeep and onto the hard, damp platform.  “What are we gonna do about the kids’ birthdays?  We can’t exactly treat them like regular Diamond Dog staff, you know?”

     The Diamond Dog birthday celebrations have a reputation for swimming in alcohol and general rowdiness, and Kaz, while normally enjoying them to a certain degree, can only imagine the amount of trouble David and Eli could and would get into.  Lilith too, for that matter.  A piece of him knows that’s only part of the reason he’s bringing this up, that he’s trying to ignore the fact that his own birthdays were largely uncelebrated in more than a quick word or favorite food.  That he wants these kids who have been deprived of so many normal experiences, to have a piece of something to call their own.

     They start walking, Snake’s eye thoughtful.  The cool mist covers Kaz’s aviators, blurring the landscape around him even more than usual.  Frustrated, he stops long enough to lift his hand and remove them, setting them inside his suit jacket pocket.  Snake takes advantage of the pause and lights a cigar, the bittersweet smoke mingling with his wet leather coat.  Kaz bites his lower lip and tries to ignore the slight swoop in his stomach.

     “Well,” Snake says slowly as they resume walking at a comfortable pace.  “What do normal kids do for birthdays?  Balloons?  Cake?”

     Kaz blinks hard against the weather and stops again, thinking and chewing his lip in concentration.  “We could have a small base party, maybe just make it the handful of us.  My only concern is how we’d manage to keep a large party from getting out of hand.”

     Snake nods in agreement.  “But the boys’ don’t have theirs until April, so we have some time.  I still think you worry too much Kaz.”  He turns to Kaz, takes the cigar out of his mouth and while holding it, places his hands on Kaz’s scruffy face to pull him down the few inch gap to place a chapped kiss on his chewed lip.  “You need to relax,” Snake breathes, hot breath mingling with that damn cigar smoke as he pulls back and puts it back in his mouth.

     Kaz pushes the needy ache building in his chest and stomach down, licking his lip quickly to taste the lingering tobacco and coffee of Snake’s lips.  He takes a deep calming breath to refocus; the effect of a single kiss still baffles and amazes him. “See, that’s the problem, though,” Kaz tells Snake after he’s found his voice.  “The twins have a birthday listed in their file.  Our daughter doesn’t.”

     They start walking once again, heading for the doors of the main stairwell when they see a figure sitting on the platform near the ocean railing.  It takes Kaz a moment to realize it’s Lilith, aviators pushed on top of her head, arms wrapped around her knees, face with closed eyes lifted towards the rain as if embracing it.  What looks like one of her sketchbooks rests beside her.

     “We could just ask her,” Snake says, puffing his cigar and motioning towards her with his head.

     Kaz sighs.  “We could,” he says, thinking.  “But we don’t want to upset her either.”

     Snake laughs.  “Kaz,” he says with a smile in his voice, “don’t worry, remember?  I’ll ask.  That way if she gets upset, you won’t have your princess angry with you.”

     “She’s not my princess,” Kaz snaps, cheeks slightly burning.  So what if he spoils her a little?  No one else is going to do it.  Snake does better rough housing with the twins regardless, and Lilith’s quiet nature brings her around to Kaz more anyway.  And besides -

     “Sure, Kaz,” Snake says, interrupting Kaz’s thoughts, and then starts walking over to Lilith’s resting spot.

     Kaz clenches his crutch and follows, grumbling under his breath.  If anyone besides Snake had called Lilith his princess of a daughter, he would have knocked them on the ground with his crutch faster than they could react.  He is, after all, the Hellmaster and he didn’t earn that title for nothing.  But if he admits to himself the truth, Snake’s right.  Kaz decides he’s okay with that as he approaches Snake and Lilith.  Not that he’ll say it out loud.

     Gunshots from the upper platform ring through the air - Ocelot and Quiet teaming up on target practice - and Lilith jumps a little, violet eyes snapping open.  She sees Kaz and Snake and forces a small smile, but Kaz sees brief panic in her eyes.  He glances at Snake out the corner of his eye, his own thoughts mirrored on the deeply scarred face.  After a few months on base, gunshots should be routine already, especially when so close to training quarters.

     “You okay?” Kaz asks quietly.

     Lilith looks at him and flashes that quick smile.  “Oh yeah, I’m fine,” she says before looking away, fidgeting with the hem of her cream colored sweater.  The next words come out in a hurried breath as if she can’t stop them.  “I just came out here to think because even though it’s wet I can’t think inside and R&D wants new designs for boxes and sorry S-Dad but I just don’t get it and I think I’m just really tired.”

     She lets out a breath and looks at them again.  Kaz notices for the first time the slight shadows under her eyes and how her smile doesn’t fully reach her eyes like it did a week ago.  She’s pale, but that could be a trick of the mist, her hair damp and limp.  Kaz raises an eyebrow and she holds her hands up, looking between him and Snake.

     “I’m fine, I swear,” she nearly pleads.  “I just need to go to bed early.  Please, don’t worry, ok?”

     Kaz blinks at her a minute more, not fully convinced but not going to press the issue any further.  Snake shrugs next to him.  “Okay,” Snake says unusually soft.  “If you’re sure.  By the way, S-Dad?”

     “Well, yeah,” Lilith says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.  “You’re S-Dad and he’s K-Dad, and that way I don’t get you confused.”

     Kaz feels his lip twitch up.  Snake looks at him, his own half smile appearing before looking back at Lilith.  “You don’t have to call us dad if you don’t want to,” Snake says gently.

     It’s another thing that’s been on Kaz’s mind lately.  The ease with which Lilith fell into calling them dad respectively when David struggles with just calling them by their first names and Eli doesn’t even address them beyond a “hey you” seems strange.  Not that he minds.  He’s found the term to be endearing at this point, and wonders sometimes why he hated kids in the first place to begin with.  They really aren’t all that bad.  He kinda likes being a...dad.

     “I know,” Lilith says quietly, watching her hands as she continues to worry the knit fabric under her fingertips.  “But no one ever wanted me until now, so...unless you don’t want me to.”

     “Nah, it’s fine,” Kaz tells her, trying to sound casual even though he feels his heart wrench.  “It’s whatever you’re comfortable with.”

     Her fidgeting slows a little.  Snake finishes his cigar and moves to the rail, flicking it over the side into the ocean below.  He turns back, slowly, and rolls his neck.  He looks tired and Kaz wishes he could wipe that exhaustion away.  But tired plagues everyone on base, and even if he could, it wouldn’t change the lifestyle they’ve chosen.

     “So,” Snake says to Lilith, finally getting to what they came over for.  She looks up at him, violet eyes attentive.  “How do you keep track of how old you are?”

     Kaz lifts his hand off his crutch and runs it over his eyes and down his face.  Really, that’s how Snake brings it up?  He should have realized, knowing how awkward his partner is.  But maybe the awkward interactions are good for them both.  Maybe Kaz really does worry too much.  Lilith’s soft laugh confirms as he regains his grip on his crutch; this is good for them and he needs to stop worrying.

     “You mean, do I have a birthday?” Lilith asks, letting out another dry laugh.  “Well, no one ever bothered to tell me, so when I was about ten I decided on January 1st.  Because, like, everyone celebrates the New Year wherever you are, and when the fireworks and stuff went off, I could pretend it was for me.”  

     “Damn,” Kaz mutters lowly under his breath.  The fact alone that she had to make up her own birthday hurts, but her matter of factness just...He really needs to go inside and decompress.  And maybe take a shot of something strong.  He blinks viciously, ignoring the fact that it’s more than just rain in his eyes at this point.  He pulls his aviators out and sticks them back on his face.

     “Do you want anything for your birthday?” Snake asks kindly.

     Lilith turns thoughtful.  She picks up her sketchbook and pencil; the top pages appear torn and wrinkled as Kaz watches behind his aviators.  Lilith taps the pencil to her lip.  “You know,” she says at last.  “I have pretty much everything I want right now.  Like, a home and family and stuff.  But…” She hesitates for a moment.  “No offense to anyone, but the curtains in my room are awful.  I’d really like some new ones that aren’t...boring?”

     Snake and Kaz share a glance and then Kaz starts to laugh a little.  New curtains.  How many soon to be 16 year old girls asked for new curtains instead of cars or clothes or whatever else is the rage?  Yet another reminder that life isn’t always what you think it should be, something Kaz feels daily now it seems.

     Snake chuckles.  “Alright, we’ll see what we can do,” he says, trying to ruffle Lilith’s damp hair despite her aviators.  She just rolls her eyes a little, a smile on her lips.  

     “Don’t stay out here too much longer,” Kaz tells her as he and Snake start to leave.  A gust of wind pushes by, the chill seeping further into his bones.  “You don’t want to get sick.”

     “Pfft, whatever,” Kaz hears her say from her perch by the railing.  It makes him shake his head, the ghost of a smile still lingering.

 

     “They should be red.”

     “No,” Kaz growls from his desk chair.  “Red in a fucking angry color.  We are not getting her a room set in red.”

     Ocelot dismisses the comment with a wave of his hand.  “You don’t understand, Miller.  Red is power.  It’s a good look for her.”

     Kaz rubs his face.  “Not that I disagree about empowerment and all that,” he tells the Russian cowboy.  “But not in her room.  Rooms are supposed to be calming.  Like blue.  Or green.”

     Spread out on Kaz’s desk is a Sears and Roebuck catalogue Sadistic Kitten had laying around for whatever reason.  Several teenage girl room sets grace the pages, each one coming in different colors.  All of them consist of the basics: comforter, sheets, curtains, pillowcases, and something called a bed skirt which Kaz doesn’t fully understand but assumes is important for whatever reason.  Snake lounges on the sofa, listening to the banter between his two commanders with an amused look on his face.  Kaz really just wishes he would chime in and help already; they’ve been at this for the better part of the evening already and he really just wants to make a decision at this point.

     “Green,” scoffs Ocelot.  He runs his bright eyes over Kaz’s jacket.  “No way.  Green is too...military.”

     “Then blue,” Kaz grinds out.  “That’s a calm color.”

     Ocelot goes to protest but gets interrupted by Snake clearing his throat.  Kaz and Ocelot turn to look at him.  Snake’s blue eye looks between them, a determined glint flashing.

     “Purple,” he says, a note of finality riding his voice.  “She has purple eyes.  Let’s give her a purple room.”

     And for some reason, Kaz realizes it’s perfect and obvious.  Judging from the look on Ocelot’s face and the way he defers to the Boss, he knows it too.  So purple it is; Kaz grabs a pen and circles the appropriate room set.  Now all they have to do is wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, loves!
> 
> See you at the next chapter! 
> 
> ~Birdie


	16. Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is snow, snowball fights, and other fluffy shenanigans. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, lovely readers! :)
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me through this fic. It's been a fluffy fun ride so far, yeah?
> 
> Anyway, have another fluff chapter. :) All errors mine, and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> ~Birdie

Chapter 16: Snow

_“The very fact of snow is such an amazement.” - Roger Ebert_

__

     “It’s 80 degrees outside.”  Eli sits at the mess hall table, holding up a parka from the box in front of him.

     “Yes,” Snake says matter of factly, taking a long drink of his coffee, blue eye shining with amusement and mischief.

     Christmas day dawned early, the sun shining across the ocean surrounding Mother Base for the first time in weeks, the dull golden light reflecting off the turbulent green and white waves.  The mess hall, thoroughly decorated to the brim thanks to the kids and base members efforts earlier in the month, smells of pancakes and warm syrup.  Biting Wolf must be in an unusually good mood, Kaz muses as he eats his eggs and bacon, pancakes left for the kids and Snake.  He doesn’t hate pancakes, per say, but they’re just too...sweet.  

     Christmas carols drift in and out from the kitchen, further confirming Kaz’s suspicion that the holiday spirit carried to every corner of base.  Even Ocelot had been in a good mood when he dropped off his early morning files, going so far as to wish Kaz a merry Christmas.  The Russian cowboy had even given the kids Russian gingerbreads before they had made their way to breakfast, his red gloved hands sneaking a second one into Lilith’s palm when he thought no one was looking.

     Eli looks at the dark green coat, then reaches back in the box, pulling out green gloves and a matching hat.  “You have finally lost your mind,” he says, dumbfounded.  “Both of you.  You’ve lost your fucking minds.”

     Kaz laughs a small low laugh.  “Maybe we have, kid,” he says, smirking.  “But you won’t know til we’re done here.”

     Lilith and David each open their boxes and pull out similar items, David’s in blue and Lilith’s in purple.  Snake and Kaz’s goal had been to match eye color when picking out the kids’ coats and things.  It seemed like a logical thing to do at the time, but judging from the way David and Lilith glance at each other, maybe they missed the mark.  Well, there was always next time, Kaz supposes as he watches David raise an eyebrow at his sister.  Lilith’s eyes mirror his slight confusion at the overly warm coat in her lap; the shadows under her eyes have gotten darker, Kaz notes, frowning minisculey into his coffee mug.  He knows she’s still not sleeping well by how often he finds her curled on his office sofa, dozing lightly.  It’s starting to worry him, and he knows it worries Snake, but now isn’t the time to bring it up.

     “So why exactly...coats?” Lilith asks tentatively, as confused as Eli but with more tact.  “Not that I’m not grateful, but...we live in a tropical area.”

     David looks at her with a half smile across his normally somber face, Kaz noticing for the first time the faint shadow starting to form on boy’s upper lip.  With the voice cracks becoming more noticeable between the boys and now the shadow forming, it won’t be long before he and Snake have shaving lessons and sex talks on their hands.  He tries very hard to push that train of thought to the back of his mind.

     “After learning about cardboard tanks and the other weird things around here, I’ve learned just to go with it, sis,” David tells her with a shrug.  Lilith cracks a smile at him.

     “Eli, you need to put pants on,” Snake tells the sandy haired boy.  His voice, though gruff and commanding, carries a soft edge.

     Eli rolls his eyes.  “I am wearing pants,” he says, motioning to his shorts as if it’s obvious.  “Like I said, 80 degrees outside.”

     Snake gets up from the table, grabbing his and Kaz’s plates.  “Well, you have ten minutes to put on regular pants and meet at the helicopter pad.”  He eyes the other two kids with a grin as Kaz grabs his crutch and gets up.  

     “Same for you two.  Ten minutes and we meet at the copter pad; bring your coats.  And if you don’t show, I’ll personally come find you.”  The threat is teasing, but enough to get all three moving.

     “I feel weird not being in my suit,” Kaz whines lowly after the kids vacate the mess hall.  Instead of his usual green suit and dress shirt, he’s wearing jeans and a thick black knit sweater over a white button down.  It feels unnatural to be dressed so...casually.  “I look like a civilian, not Commander Miller.”

     Snake chuckles as he walks back from disposing their breakfast dishes.  He’s wearing his own thick knit sweater and something about the way it fits along his muscular frame causes Kaz to lick his lips subconsciously.  Snake stands in front of him, placing his hands on both sides of his stubbled face and placing a quick kiss on Kaz’s nose.

     “I think the civilian look suits you,” he says with a grin before removing his hands.  “Let’s get out of here.”

     They head to the helicopter pad, Kaz enjoying the sun on his face and how it heats his sweater, how he feels warm for the first time in what feels like an eternity.  He closes his eyes for a moment, breathes deep to savor the clear salt air against the whir of the helicopter blades.  Snake wraps a hand over his gloved one, tight on his crutch.  Kaz smiles, cracking his eyes open to look at Snake beside him.  For the first Christmas in nine years, he’s content and comfortable; for the first time in nine years, he’s able to acknowledge the holiday without the painful drop in his chest.  

     “Stop whining, Eli, it’s Christmas for crying out loud.”

     Kaz and Snake turn in unison; Lilith wears a teasingly but taxed expression on her face as she walks between the twins towards them, all three holding their new coats.  David shuffles with his hands in his pockets, the awkwardness in his gait indicative of his and Eli’s recent growth spurt.  Eli, thankfully in long pants, grumbles under his breath something inaudible that causes Lilith to reach up and smack him across the back of the head.  He rubs his sandy blond head but doesn’t say another word.  She looks at Kaz from behind her aviators, and shakes her head, giving a smile.

     Pequod stands by helicopter door with a grin on his fair face, dirty blond hair free of his helmet for once.  As Kaz and Snake step aside to let the three youth climb in, Quiet already inside in her usual getup, Pequod makes the effort to fist bump each of the kids as they pass by.  Kaz doesn’t miss the brief shy smile he and Lilith share; when on earth did that start?  Kaz quirks an eyebrow at the young pilot  as he heads back to the cockpit, secretly pleased when he stumbles slightly because of it.  Inside, Quiet quickly latches onto Lilith and shows her a set of sparkling hair clips, which the girl’s violet eyes light up at.

     “Where are we going?” David calls over the whir of the chopper’s blades.

     “It’s a surprise,” Snake yells back, jumping in and helping Kaz up, then making sure everyone’s situated and strapped in at Pequod’s usual request.

     “I hate surprises,” Eli grumbles, fidgeting with his seat fastenings.

     “You hate a lot of things, kid,” Kaz tells him, not even annoyed for once.  “Which is fine, but try to just enjoy today, ok?”

     Eli turns to look out the window while Snake lights a cigar.  Kaz breathes in the bittersweet smoke with a faint smile, relaxing into his seat as Pequod takes off.  David mirrors Eli, watching with a curious gaze as they fly across the ocean.  Across from Kaz, Lilith fidgets with something under her new coat as Quiet places the sparkling clips in her now chestnut hair.  She pulls out a package, a large but thin rectangle wrapped in old newspaper.

     “Um, I made you guys something,” she says as she hands the wrapped rectangle to Snake.  “It’s not much, but it’s like a family gift.”  She looks around the helicopter, an earnest sincerity in her eyes.  

     Snake opens the package slowly, Kaz leaning over his shoulder to see better.  Inside rests a large picture frame holding a black and white drawing.  Snake’s lets out a breath of awe as Kaz touches the glass.  Lilith’s drawn their little family in near perfect detail.  It’s all there - Snake laughing with a glint in his eye, Eli and David in candid moments they probably didn’t even know she was catching, Quiet smiling with her eyes shut, Ocelot twirling his revolvers.  Kaz stares at the rendering of himself, of him smiling a smile he didn’t know he was still capable of, beret missing and aviators glinting.

     “It’s beautiful,” Kaz tells Lilith, and she beams.  “Thank you, sweetheart.”

     Snake unbuckles and gets up, deftly embracing Lilith up in a bear hug.  “It’s perfect,” he growls, placing a single kiss on top of her head before moving back to his seat.

     “Oh my god, is that snow???” David, normally so quiet and reserved, presses his face against the window.  “I think that’s snow!”

     Kaz chuckles, pleased.  This had been the plan all along.  Kids deserved the chance to be kids, and what better way than to go to a secluded, snow packed location for a few hours of snow angels and snowball fights?  He and Snake had even taken care to equip the helicopter with sleds.  In a place where it only rains and never gets below 70 degrees, there was no better way to get a white Christmas than to fly to one.

     “Hey, seatbelts!” Pequod calls from the cockpit as Lilith and Eli both unbuckle themselves to join David by his window, eager to glimpse the frozen wasteland below.

     “Sorry,” Lilith calls over her shoulder to him but makes no attempt to return to her seat, eliciting a deep chuckle from Snake.

     “Right, well, we’re approaching LZ,” Pequod announces over the system.  “Not my fault if you all get rustled.”

     The slight jolt of landing always makes Kaz a little uneasy.  Flying was fine and Pequod is as trusty as they come; but ever since the helicopter crash nine years ago, every landing brings a hint of trepidation.  Pequod keeps the engine running as the boys race out of the helicopter into the white wonderland around them, Quiet following them silently with a look of childlike wonder on her face.  She’s really not that bad, Kaz admits to himself as Snake helps him out.  Not like he’ll ever say it outloud, but the silent sniper has...grown on him over the last few months, mostly due to the fact that she takes such good care of Lilith while the boys are doing their own thing.

     The snow crunches satisfyingly beneath Kaz’s feet, and he enjoys the bitter cold air carrying the muted scent of damp firs.  Snake’s arm around his waist is warm as they walk, slowly, Kaz getting used to how his crutch walks in the fresh powder.  Snake guides him towards a small wooden bench on the outskirts of the trees.  Behind them, Kaz hears Lilith’s feet finally hit the snow.  As she catches up easily with them, he notices the flush creeping across her cheeks as she grins at the world around them.

     “Took you a minute there,” Snake says good humoredly to her.

     She grins at them.  “Yeah, I had something for Pequod that I wanted to give him.  For being so nice to me and all,” she says, pleased with herself.  “I drew him with DD in the helicopter.”

     A snowball comes flying and hits Lilith in the back.  All three turn, and there’s Eli, forming another snowball between his gloved hands.  Behind him, David’s working on what appears to be a snowball stockpile.  It doesn’t take long for Kaz to foresee where this is going.

     “That’s for whacking my head earlier!” he yells at Lilith, a smirk on his fair face.

     Lilith looks at Kaz and Snake, amusement and indignation mixing across her face.  Kaz smiles and raises an eyebrow.  

     “Are you going to let him get away with that?” he asks her.

     “What? No way!” she snaps back, scooping up a large handful of snow.

      There’s a woosh and smack as a snowball hits Snake in the chest, the residue snow splatter getting onto Kaz’s sleeve.  Following the line of fire, Kaz finds a grinning David with another snowball in hand from his pile.  He looks at Kaz and tries to feign innocence.  Kaz looks at Snake, who smirks back with a glint in his deep blue eye.  

     “You know what you have to do,” Kaz says with a sigh and devious grin.

     Snake kisses the exposed part of his neck, lips warm against Kaz’s skin.  “Yeah,” he sighs humorously.  “I guess I do.”

     Snake gets Kaz situated on the bench before running to join Lilith in a giant war against the twins.  Their laughter carries over the otherwise silent landscape, and Kaz realizes he hasn’t stopped smiling practically all day.  He closes his eyes.  If only things could stay like this forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, loves.
> 
> See you at the next chapter!
> 
> ~Birdie


	17. Cracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes they win." - Stephen King

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves!
> 
> Two things really quick:  
> This is a darker chapter that deals with the drama I warned a few chapters ago, but it's super important. In the fifth paragraph to the end, there is a brief one sentence mention of self harm. If this is a trigger for you, please avoid that paragraph. 
> 
> The second thing is that I've been getting questions about Lilith. I am so honored that you guys like her! In my mind, she looks a lot like Zoey Deutch, but with violet eyes and darker hair. Also, my Pequod looks like his voice actor, Crispin Freeman.
> 
> Alright, let's get into it!   
> Enjoy!
> 
> ~Birdie

     Chapter 17: Cracks

_“There are so many fragile things, after all.  People break so easily, and so do dreams and hearts.” - Neil Gaiman_

 

 

     The end of the year passes with a kind of calm bliss, the kind that makes Kaz nearly let his guard completely down.  The curtains and bed set for Lilith had arrived right in time, and with a matter of luck and generous grief from Ocelot (Miller, a bed skirt goes around the base of the bed frame, how do you not know this), they’d been able to pull off a small surprise party for Lilith’s 16th birthday; Laughing Jackal and Sadistic Kitten had even made a red velvet cake with thick cream cheese frosting, and Pequod (against Kaz’s better judgement) brought a vase full of wildflowers to set on the new desk they’d procured for her.

     The shock and amazement on Lilith’s face had made all the grief worth it as she hugged everyone, even Ocelot, before promptly kicking them out to enjoy her new space.  The crew’s New Years party  that night had been especially festive, morale hitting an all time high for the first time in years and carrying into the new month.  As January progresses, 1985 is promising to be a great year for them all.  Kaz feels himself relaxing into a comfortable routine of papers, missions, and family.

      But he should’ve known better.

      The mission itself is an easy one.  Snake shows up at the drop point, picks up a few boxes scattered around, and heads back to base - quick, simple, and to the point.  So easy, in fact, that although Kaz tries to convince him otherwise (because you can never be too careful, really), Snake insists on heading out alone.  As Kaz walks with Boss to the helicopter pad, he sees Lilith talking quietly with Pequod, small smiles on both their faces.  He and Snake are going to need to talk about that at some point; maybe Kaz can convince Ocelot to do some snooping for him.

      Kaz returns to his office, Lilith following with her ever present sketchbook to curl up on his sofa.  With Ocelot in the control tower today to guide Snake through the fairly simple walkthrough, Kaz feels confident he’ll be able to get some work done for a change.  The reports stacked on his desk for review remind him just how much still needs to get done, whether he wants to do it or not.  With a click, he turns on the radio behind him to a low volume for noise, pleased to see Lilith already nearly asleep in a ball while Duran Duran played in the background.  

     The poor girl really hasn’t been sleeping well, even with her new room makeover, due to chronic night terrors that have recently raised their ugly heads.  It’s as if the only place she can truly rest is somewhere either Snake, Kaz, or Ocelot are, be it Kaz’s office, Ocelot’s training level, or on the floor in his and Snake’s quarters.  Kaz even lets Ocelot into his office on particularly bad nights when Snake’s on missions; Kaz can’t carry a tune to save his life, but Ocelot can, singing quiet lullabies in Russian (Kaz is pretty glad Lilith doesn’t know the lyric translations cause some of them are messed up beyond belief - no wonder Russians turned out the way they did) until she’s in a deep sleep, then leisurely walking out the door before Kaz can kick him out.

     He and Snake spend more and more nights talking about what to do to help her; their next resort seems to be consulting the medical staff to get her in for a look over and to see if she possibly needed sleep aides, something both Kaz and Snake don’t really want to have to do but will if it’s the only option.  David and Eli never have this problem, both of them able to sleep through the night despite everything they’ve been through.  Kaz suspects it’s partially due to their modified higher mental endurance.  But Kaz still has his own night terrors from time to time, and it physically hurts that the teen on his sofa has to deal with them at her young age.

      Soon as the rhythm of scanning and signing papers consumes Kaz, his mind oblivious to just about everything else except the vague hum of the radio and occasional noises from the girl on his couch.  He finds himself humming, quietly and (as he’s fully aware, thankyouverymuch) off key, content to be productive and in his element; it’s the first day in nearly a week that he hasn’t had his chronic morning headache, adding to his peacefulness.  He may not be able to go on any missions, not that he did a lot of that in the MSF days anyway, but he sure as hell can file reports and manage the monthly budget like no one’s business.  It makes him feel useful, needed.

      Kaz is about half way through the massive stack of files when the door to his office flies open, hitting the wall and revealing a slightly disheveled Ocelot.  On the couch, Lilith stirs awake, sitting up and tiredly trying to smooth her hair.  Kaz stares pointedly at Ocelot with a raised eyebrow as Lilith mumbles, “What’d I miss?”

     “Sorry, darlin, didn’t mean to wake you,” Ocelot says gently.  “Go back to sleep.”

     Lilith lays back down, mumbling something under her breath as she resumes her original curl.  Kaz smiles slightly at her before turning back to Ocelot.

     The Russian spy has urgency in his eyes as he speaks, voice low and firm.  “I need to speak with you.  Now.”

     Kaz grabs his crutch and follows him into the hallway so they don’t disturb Lilith, something about Ocelot’s motions and tone making his blood run cold.  They step a little ways from Kaz’s still open office door, Ocelot’s spurs echoing in the hallway ominously.

     “What’s going on?” Kaz hisses lowly.  “Aren’t you supposed to be in the tower monitoring Boss?”

     “And that’s the problem,” Ocelot says somberly, his voice matching Kaz’s quiet tone.  “There’s been...an incident.  While heading to the drop zone, unexpected enemy choppers showed and opened fire; we’ve lost contact with Boss and Pequod.”

     Dread settles in the pit of Kaz’s stomach and for a minute, the hallway spins.  He can count on one hand the number of times they’ve lost contact with Boss in the past; it never means anything good.  And for them to lose contact with Pequod - Pequod, one of their best pilots despite his young age, one who’s never, ever let them down as of date - further deepens the worry building in Kaz’s mind and gut.  Across his temple, the familiar throbbing returns with a vengeance.

     “How long?” Kaz asks gruffly.

     “An hour,” Ocelot mutters.

     “An hour?!  And you’re just now telling me?” Kaz snarls.

      “We’ve been trying to establish contact,” Ocelot says matter of factly.  “Standard procedure before we panic.  But the copter’s radio is completely out.  No luck with Boss’ iDroid, either.  There’s...strong concern...regarding their well being.”

     “Shit,” Kaz growls.  He switches into Commander Miller mode, pushing his personal worries down, trying not to remember what happened nine years prior.  “We need to put base on alert, organize a search and rescue to try to find them, and go from there.”

     “I’m on it, Miller,” Ocelot says, briskly abandoning the hall.

     Kaz makes it into his office just as the alarms go off.  Lilith jumps, eyes wide.

     “What’s going on?” she asks, panic in her voice.  “What is that noise?”

     Kaz takes a deep breath, knowing he’s about to speak the dreaded words base fears most.  “That’s the alarm.  Snake’s missing.”

     Two days pass and Kaz can’t do anything but wait.  He can’t think, he can’t eat, he can’t sleep.  The search and rescue crew finally gets deployed, their outset delayed due to a sandstorm blowing across where the helicopter was shot down.  Kaz paces his office, frustrated he can’t do more.  Goddamn, if he had all his limbs, he’d be out there himself, trying to find his commander, his lover, his friend.  The kids had started acting out, the tension across base carrying even to their facet of life.  Eli and David, who normally ignore each other or bicker more than anything now, keep getting into full blown fist fights, the kind Ocelot has to break up, one resulting in David getting a broken nose and Eli a split lip.  Lilith, on the other hand, has been unusually quiet, often sitting on the main base platform, watching the sky.

     Kaz starts pacing his office once again, the line in the carpet growing more and more pronounced with each pass.  He bites his lip, chews the already cracked and raw flesh, and runs through his thoughts again.  It’s not like they’re gone for certain, he reminds himself for the upteenth time.  This happens from time to time, right?  That’s part of what we do.  No one said this was safe.  And yet...Would it be any different if Snake had taken Quiet?  Would better equipment keep communication in the line of fire?  He’d have to get R&D on that..

     “Miller,” Ocelot says from the door, startling Kaz.

     Kaz turns and spies the Russian leaning against his office door, face unreadable.  “Do you have news?” Kaz hates the desperate edge that tinges his words, the way he practically begs for information.

     Ocelot shakes his head.  “I’m truly sorry, Miller,” he says and for once his tone is sincere.  “I came because there’s a disturbance upstairs that I could use a hand with.”

     Kaz follows him up the main stairway, thankful to have something else to do besides brood.  As they get closer to the level, a shrill shout greets them.  It takes Kaz a moment to recognize it as Lilith, shouting nearly at the top of her lungs.

     “Fuck you Eli!! You know nothing, ok?! Stop acting so smug!”

     Face wide with shock at hearing his normally quiet daughter yelling profanities, Kaz enters the platform.  Lilith, face red and angry, stands across from Eli, arms out.  Eli, arms crossed over his chest, smirks at her though Kaz can see the edge of worry in his green eyes.  Broken shards of glass cover the floor, evident of something being broken in the midst of the fight.  Kaz looks at Ocelot, who mirrors his concern and surprise.

     “Like I said,” Ocelot says.  “I thought maybe you could give me a hand.”

     “Whatever, Lilith,” Eli says calmer than his sister for once, smirk not wavering.  “You’re only worried about your pilot friend.  Don’t deny it.”

     Lilith balls her fists.  “THAT’S NOT TRUE YOU BASTARD!!!! DAD IS OUT THERE TOO!!! DON’T YOU FUCKING CARE?!?!?!”

     Eli, the smirk slipping off his face, holds his hands up in a defensive stance and slowly starts backing away.  “You need help, freak,” he says as he continues to slowly back away.

     “ENOUGH.”

     Kaz’s voice enters the range only those who call him Hell Master have heard.  He doesn’t know any other way to regain control of the situation.  If there was any control to begin with.  Lilith, chest heaving and face covered in tear stains, continues to stare Eli down.  Eli, the boy who used to need his own column in the budget because of his anger issues, looks genuinely concerned about his safety.

     “What the hell is going on here?” Kaz asks sternly.  He hates using this tone of voice with Lilith and Eli, but in this case, it’s the only thing he knows how to do.

     “Nothing,” Lilith hisses.  She unclenches her fists and forces her eyes shut, slowing her breathing before opening them again and looking at Kaz.

     “I know we’re all stressed, but this is not the way to handle it.  I thought you two knew that.”  Kaz looks between Eli and Lilith, eyebrow up.  “What on earth is Snake going to think when he gets back?”

     “If he gets back,” Eli mutters.

      “Shut the fuck up, Eli,” Lilith snarls, actually snarls which completely disturbs Kaz.

     “Lilith,” Kaz starts, but Ocelot intervenes.

     “Alright kids, why don’t you go to your rooms and have some breathing space,” he says, stepping up between the two.  

     Lilith turns on her heel, face still flushed, and quickly walks off without a second word.  Eli watches her go before turning to Kaz and Ocelot.  “Between us,” he says lowly, almost so quietly that Kaz can’t hear, “I think there’s something going on with her.”

     And then he’s gone, leaving Ocelot and Kaz on the platform while recruits around them start to clean up the mess.  Kaz, exhausted and worn from not just this exchange but from the last two weeks, feels as though he’s ready to collapse.

     “I’ve got this, Miller,” Ocelot says gently, placing a red gloved hand on Kaz’s shoulder.  “Go get some rest for once.”

     And Kaz, grateful for the comfort, turns back to his office.

     Kaz’s been dozing for a few hours when Ocelot graces his office door frame with the news.  

     “We’ve got em,” is all the cowboy says, and it’s enough to make Kaz let out the breath he’s been holding for the past two days.  Ocelot looks at him with a relieved smile, and Kaz realizes how much he appreciates the cat, even when they don’t see eye to eye.

     “Thank God,” Kaz mutters, rubbing his hand over his face, and Ocelot gives a quiet chuckle.  Kaz quirks an eyebrow before continuing.  “Alright, alert the base and take her off alert.  Let’s get them home.”

     “Will do, Miller,” Ocelot says, lifting off the door frame and moving to leave.  “Eli and David are upstairs fighting it out in CQC, so I’ll let them know first.  You probably want to let Lilith know; we haven’t seen her around since that fight earlier.”

     “Yeah,” Kaz replies, grabbing his crutch.  “She’s probably in her room.  I’ll go check.”

     He follows Ocelot out to the hall, splitting off from the cowboy to head to the sleeping quarters.  There’s palpable relief flooding through Kaz, and he finds himself nearly laughing with it as he approaches Lilith’s room.  He can’t wait to tell her, and get things back on track.  Of course, once John gets back, Kaz has one hell of a lecture waiting for him…

     The joyous feeling drops right through the bottom of Kaz’s feet as he approaches Lilith’s room.  Sobs, quiet but definitely sobs, travel from the partially opened door.  Kaz tentatively knocks, then when there’s no response, pushes the door open the rest of the way.  Inside, crumpled papers and broken pencils litter the floor.  The purple bedsheets are a mess and the mirror above Lilith’s desk is cracked, as if she’d punched it.  Sitting on the floor, Lilith crutches her knees to her chest and rocks back and forth.  There’s blood under her fingernails, and deep scratches up and down her exposed arms.  

     Panic rises in Kaz’s chest; this isn’t okay, he should have picked up on the signs leading up to this, and why oh why did he not do something sooner.  Turning to look down the hall, he yells at the first soldier he sees.

     “You,” he barks.  “Go get Ocelot.  Tell him we need a med unit.  And hurry!”  The soldier looks at him for a moment before scurrying off.

     Kaz, desperation hitting again as he walks into Lilith’s room, tries his best to analyze the situation.  He does the only thing he can think to do; he sets his crutch down and eases himself to the floor, pulling Lilith as best he can into his embrace, rocking with her.  He wishes his arm was stronger, that he had two to wrap her like normal parents would, but he doesn’t and he can’t, so this will have to do.  As they rock, he places his head on top of her dark hair and whispered about how it’s going to be okay, John and Pequod are coming back, she’s safe and they’re safe and everyone else is safe, and that she’s loved and it’s going to be okay.

     They stay like that until Ocelot comes in and gently lifts Lilith off the floor and onto a medical stretcher.  Kaz wipes the moisture from behind his aviators as he stands and follows them to the medical platform, cursing John and himself both under his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, loves!
> 
> See you at the next chapter!
> 
> ~Birdie :)


	18. Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because one mistake can set a chain in motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovelies!
> 
> Thanks for sticking this out with me. :) I'm still having a great time writing this, and I really hope you're still enjoying.
> 
> This chapter is rated M for Mature (smut), but only in the second half, and there are a lot of plot points in here, even with the smut section. 
> 
> All errors are mine.
> 
> Alright, on we go!
> 
> ~Birdie

Chapter 18: Mistakes

_“Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great.” - Roger de Bussy - Rabutin_

__

     As soon as Snake enters the medical bay, he realizes how bad things got.  Eli and David both sit on cots, David rocking a bloody (and judging by the bruises blooming under his eyes, Snake suspects broken) nose; Eli holds an icepack to his head, a split lip and hands wrapped in gauze to boot.  He’d heard the story of how the two had beat each other to a bloody pulp while another meltdown was going on elsewhere and several fights broke out, but he’d thought maybe Spying Magpie was exaggerating when he detailed what had gone down - the amount of broken mirrors and furniture as well as obscenities heard across Mother Base.  But based on the fact that even Eli is in med bay...Well shit.  

     The mission itself was straightforward and against Kaz’s warnings, Snake really did think he’d be okay without taking Quiet or DD or really anyone.  It’d been pretty smooth flying (even with Pequod being unusually quiet) until the enemy chopper approached.  Regardless of whether they were the intended target or not, they were the ones that got hit.  Pequod did his best to keep them from crashing, he really did, but their chopper went down anyway.  

     When Snake came to, Pequod was shaking him; the chopper was in ruins around them, comms knocked out.  His iDroid was broken, as was his mechanical arm, but other than minor cuts and scratch (thank god, he still thinks, touching the shrapnel in his head from the last time he’d crashed) and a broken wrist for Pequod, they were able walk away from the wreckage without much issue.  Snake had tied Pequod’s wrist in a spare bandana he carried; the young man, despite the obvious pain he was in, hadn’t made a sound, the rest of their escape a blur.  They made it to some rocks nearby for shelter when the sandstorm hit, and waited, praying Kaz and Ocelot would send a search and rescue team.

     Which they did, and now Snake’s here, getting his mechanical arm tweaked and the few scratches across his face taken care of.  Pequod sits on a table beside him, wrist wrapped in a cast, looking around for something.  Snake tries to follow where he’s looking, then decides it doesn’t matter.  He knows Kaz is gonna be pissed, and he might as well get this over with now than later; the commander, the only one who can ever put Snake in his place, tends to have a fiery temper.

     “Are we done here?” Snake blandly asks the medical staff member dabbing at his nose.  

     The man dabs one last time with an antiseptic.  “Alright, Boss, good to go, sir,” he says, leaning back with a salute.

     Snake acknowledges him with a nod before getting off the table.  “You did good,” he tells young Pequod with a pat on the shoulder.  The young man nods silently, face tired, and Snake moves on to let him decompress.  Walking down the endless hall feels like an eternity as Snake makes his way to the room he’s been in before, the room that a lot of this started in, the private room at the end of the hall.  His footsteps are heavy, his body exhausted as he steels himself for whatever waits.

     The air gets knocked right out of him as Snake enters the room.  Lilith lays in the bed, yet again, but this time clutching a part of Kaz’s empty trench coat sleeve in a white knuckled fist as she sleeps.  The bandages wrapped around her arms and the dark shadows against her puffy eyes, though different than when she first arrived five months prior, for some reason hurt worse to look at.  The team that picked Snake and Pequod up had debriefed him on minor details, and the guilt Snake feels now makes him, a man who’s tracked through mud and shit for days on end without any sort of qualm, nauseous.

     Kaz dozes in a bedside chair, leaned forward, head resting on his folded arm on the edge of the bed.  He stirs as he hears Snake’s heavy steps, sitting up carefully as to not disrupt the girl.  Deep lines travel his disheveled face and the guilt his Snake in fresh waves all over again, and he wonders if he had listened and taken Quiet, if the outcome would have been different.  But the thought doesn’t last long as Kaz’s exhaustion transforms into pure anger and frustration.  Even behind the aviators, Snake knows those eyes are flashing daggers at him.  He shifts his weight a between legs, a nervous habit he’s picked up after all these years.

     Cowboy spurs jangle behind him before Kaz has a chance to start berating Snake.  Ocelot smoothly slips past Snake into the hospital room, nodding at him as he goes.  

     “Boss,” Ocelot greets.  He looks at Kaz.  “Shift switch, Miller.”

     “Shift switch?” Snake asks, confused.  What on earth?

     Kaz gives a brittle laugh as he tries to work his sleeve away from Lilith’s clutch.  “Yeah,” he says curtly.  “She can’t be alone right now.”  He looks at the dark haired girl (when did her hair get so dark, Snake wonders - has he just not been paying enough attention?) and his face softens.  “Sweetheart, I need you to let go, okay?”

     Lilith’s violet eyes open in panic.  “Please don’t leave,” she begs in a whisper.  “What if you don’t come back?”

     Kaz looks very pointedly at Snake and he feels himself shrink under the gaze.  “Damn,” he mutters.  “I fucked up.”

     “You think?” Kaz mutters before looking back at their daughter.  “Lil, I swear I am coming back.  See, even Snake came back; Ocelot’s here, he’s not going to go anywhere, I promise.”

     Ocelot walks to her bedside, next to Kaz.  She looks with wide eyes and Snake watches her heart rate going up on the monitor from Kaz to Ocelot to him.  The concern on Kaz’s strained face as he watches the heart monitor sends a pain through Snake’s chest.  

     “Lilith.”   

     Ocelot’s voice, smooth and low, makes the girl look up at him.  Snake knows the look he’s giving her; it’s the same look he gives the horses when he’s trying not to spook them - gentle and calming so as not to make it worse.

     “Lilith,” he repeats softly.  “You have to calm down, or the nurse is gonna come in here and sedate you.  Now, Kaz here is gonna go have some words with the Boss, but I promise, it’s gonna be okay.”

     Snake sees the effort it takes for Lilith to force herself to let go of Kaz’s coat, to slow her breathing down.  Kaz grabs his crutch and vacates the chair, face dangerously unreadable as he passes Snake and exits the room.  Snake takes a last sweep around; Ocelot’s sitting in the chair now, humming something quietly, and Lilith already starting to close her eyes, holding onto one of the cowboy’s gloved hands.  Snake turns and follows Kaz.

     They make their way out of the medical platform and down the main stairwell to Kaz’s office, the silence unnerving Snake even though he knows it shouldn’t.  He couldn’t have helped what happened with getting shot down, so why he’s being held on trial he isn’t entirely sure.  Except that he knows exactly why, and it’s the same thing that he’s been struggling with since his and Pequod’s rescue - the what ifs and whys and seriously, how did his iDroid even break after all it’s guaranteed to survive through?  (He wonders if Kaz has talked to R&D about that or if he should or, frankly, if he should even bring it up.)  Maybe he should’ve taken cardboard boxes on the easy mission, though as much as he loves them, he doesn’t think a good cardboard box will help now just like it wouldn’t have helped then.  They get inside the office and the door is barely shut before Kaz unleashes all his fury at once.

     “What were you thinking?” Kaz hisses, voice dangerous and low, sending chills through Snake.  “What the FUCK were you thinking?!  I told you to take someone with you, to not do this solo, because SHIT LIKE THIS always happens!”

     Kaz throws his beret on his desk, blond hair falling every which way.  Snake, as much as he hates this, can’t help but find himself needing to kiss the angry off Kaz’s worn face.  He takes a step as the tirade continues, Kaz working himself into a frenzy.  He continues walking towards Kaz as the man gestures angrily with his single hand, emphasizing every point with fingers and yells.

     “You have a FAMILY now, for christsakes,” Kaz snaps as Snake lifts a hand to touch him.  Kaz pushes him roughly in the chest, face flushed, and Snake drops his hand, knows Kaz is right.  For a moment, the fire seeming to die a little in Kaz’s eyes, they stand there.

      “For the love of god, John,” Kaz says after taking a few breaths.  “You can’t do the solo shit any more.  When base was on alert, Eli and David nearly killed each other, and Lil had the biggest meltdown that I thought we were going to be back at square one. Do you even realize how much you worried everyone?  How worried I was?”

     Snake doesn’t miss the way Kaz’s voice goes from angry to almost desperate.  “Kaz,” he starts, not entirely sure what he’s going to say but knowing he needs to say something.  But he doesn’t get the chance.

     Instead, Kaz launches forward, dropping his crutch unceremoniously on the ground and grabs Snake’s collar in a death grip.  “Don’t fucking ever do that again,” is all he whispers before crushing his lips against Snake’s.  In that moment, with Kaz’s desperate lips and teeth all but devouring him, Snake feels for the first time since the crash the realization that he didn’t die.  He matches Kaz’s intensity, tongues and teeth battling between hurried breaths, savoring the moment of being alive and back and here.

     Kaz pushes him onto the floor, and Snake lets him, lets him even though he could take Kaz right here and now if he wanted.  But instead, he lets Kaz get his frustrations out as he rips his trench coat off and resumes his death grip on Snake.  Snake lifts up, take the aviators off, revealing the desire and anger and relief all at once present in the hazy eyes.  It makes his heart jump, his stomach build with desire and lust, and he wants to suddenly fuck Kaz into the floor.

     But Kaz has other plans about how this is going to go, and those plans become very clear to Snake as the blonde starts tugging on his shirt, his hand surprisingly strong.  Snake goes to help, and Kaz nearly snarls at him.  He relents though, and let’s Snake help remove the layers between them, wasting no time in biting his way down Snake’s neck and collar bones, Snake wincing under the blooming pain so uncommon for Kaz.  He deserves it, though, and so he takes it, all of Kaz’s frustrations, letting his own guilt and frustrations match Kaz’s intensity, his fingers marking Kaz’s back, hot mouth crashing against hot mouth, frustrated groans from each.

     It doesn’t take long before both men are hard and covered in sweat, and Snake fights the urge to flip Kaz off him to fuck him into oblivion, instead letting Kaz take the lead.  Kaz, panting, pushes himself off Snake with some effort.  Something flashes in his eyes.

     “Roll over,” Kaz growls.

     Snake holds his stare as he sits up, pushing Kaz off him.  He wants to refuse, wants to take back his control, but he doesn’t.  Instead, Snake breaks the gaze with his lover and rolls onto his stomach, the carpet scratching and grating, and lifts his ass up.

     Kaz clamors on top of him, leans down as he positions, his glove still on his hand despite everything else being off.  He bites Snake’s ear, sending shivers down his spine, before whispering one final thing.

     “Don’t you ever leave us, you bastard.”

     And then he’s in and Snake shudders, not used to being in this position, not just with Kaz but the position of thinking beyond himself, beyond the situation at hand.  Everything culminates into one and he rocks with Kaz’s thrusts, his guilt and frustration at himself overridden by desire as the gloved hand roughly grabs his cock, pulling and pushing to the fast rhythm.  Snake hurts, but it’s exhilarating and he wraps his hand around Kaz’s until together they shudder and collapse, the carpet covered with sweat and heat as they pant, bodies wrapped as one.

     They lay there, breathing, and Snake scoops Kaz into his arms, smooths his hair as he’s reminded why he fell in the first place that day in Costa Rica.  He plants a kiss on Kaz’s forehead, relieved the anger lines have melted away.  Kaz leans into him, lets Snake hold him, his body relaxing. They stay there until Kaz sighs and turns to Snake.

     “We need to get back to med bay,” he says into Snake’s collar bone, and Snake knows exactly why.  He looks down at the straight nose and messy hair, holds him tighter.  “John, this is on you, by the way.  I’ve done what I can, you know?  You’ve got to fix this, somehow.  Because none of us can at this point.”

     There’s a pained sincerity in Kaz’s voice, and Snake knows, knows that somehow, some way, he’s got to pull his little family together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, loves!  
> See you at the next chapter! :)
> 
> ~Birdie


	19. Fists

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because CQC is something Snake speaks fluently, a language he understands best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Loves! :)
> 
> Here we are, another chapter in. I never thought this would get as much enjoyment as it has, and I am so thankful for you guys. Honestly, writing this really does get me through my weeks, and it's the most I've written since I got my writing degree a few years ago. So thank you for your kind words and feedback, I can't express how much it means to me. :)
> 
> Alright, enough mush! Have a twin focused chapter. :)
> 
> ~Birdie

Chapter 19: Fists

_“A father doesn’t tell you he loves you.  He shows you.” - Demitri The Stoneheart_

__

     The twins had destroyed almost an entire level of the recreation platform while he was gone - broken chairs, a smashed table, a series of broken glass and words and fists - before they were controlled and sent to the med bay.  It was as if they had decided to nearly kill each other, even David with his aloof attitude doing a number on his brother, both covered in scratches, bruises, and that nose of David’s snapped.  Internal stress mixed with external stress never leads to anything good, and Snake of all people knows that.

     Snake watches the twins now as they circle the platform.  The only way he could think to deal with David and Eli in the aftermath of everything is this - working on CQC, the language of fight and stealth Snake knows, understands, speaks fluently.  With the boys’ recent growth spurts, they’re nearly as tall as he stands, David all arms and limbs while Eli’s more muscle and shoulders.  Snake sees himself in their faces; the brash need to prove himself across Eli’s flashing green eyes and bared teeth, the calculating coolness of tactical strategy set in David’s silent stance.  Puberty’s a funny thing, Snake muses as he crouches to counter the incoming blow from Eli.  One minute you’re a kid, the next your voice deepens and you learn to shave, everything turned on it’s head.

     Eli’s blow comes angry and wide, unfocused, and Snake easily blocks him.  As Eli tumbles to the ground in an uncoordinated tangle of limbs and swears, Snake attempts to give pointers to help Eli and David both improve their forms.  He’s here to help, afterall, so help he will, in whatever form that takes right now.

     “If you think through what your enemy does,” he tells Eli as the younger stands, face flushed, “then you have a better chance to see weaknesses.  Swinging out of hand won’t -”

     “I don’t need your words,” Eli snarls, fists back in defensive stance.

     Snake sighs.  He suspected it would go this way.  But as Kaz told him many times before the incident, he really did need to spend more time with the kids; and since the incident (the moment they don’t acknowledge by name, the moment too close to Ground Zero for many of the older staff members), Snake feels that weight even more.  He hadn’t meant to ignore them, hadn’t meant to come across as distant as he had since Christmas.  There are always just so many damn missions now as spring approaches, and he finds himself off base more often than not.  Looking at David’s veiled brown eyes as he circles methodically, Snake knows with a sinking feeling how close to snapping all the tentatively formed threads are.  He takes some solace in the fact that the twins even bothered today, meaning (at least he hopes this is the case) those threads aren’t completely broken.

     David, learning from Eli’s mistakes, manages to land two solid punches before Snake flips him onto the ground with a sound thud.  The pent up anger and frustrations inside both boys come off in tangible waves that penetrate each move, the punches getting harder, the kicks more aggressive, form turning from somewhat sloppy to downright careless.  The silence, only punctuated by the occasional grunts and thuds, stretches longer and longer.  Until it doesn’t.

     “David, try -” Snake tries but David cuts him off.

     “I’ve been thinking,” David says almost conversationally as he pauses his constant circling, fists up.  “Why bother so much with us?”

     Snake, expecting this sort of thing to finally come up, starts to answer, mouth barely opening as David continues.

     “Like,” David says, voice never changing from his steady low tone, “I understand rescuing us so Cipher couldn’t get hands on us, and believe me, I’m thankful.  But...I don’t know about you” - he looks at Eli briefly - “I have spent my whole life before this under the impression that I’m nothing to you and that I’ll need to kill you before you kill me.  The commander said that’s not true, but...”

     Snake lets out a breath he has no idea he’s been holding.  David, trying so hard to look measured and calm and completely in control, just stares at him; the reversion to formalities a give away of how strained he is.  He tries to look as blank as possible, and while Snake may not be trained in espionage like Ocelot, he still sees the emotion hovering below the surface of the boy’s blue eyes, the confusion and frustration simmering for much longer than Snake realized.  It starts to dawn on him that, even with the holidays and paintball and everything else, he’s been going about reassurance all the wrong ways.  Kaz was, once again, right (no wonder he promoted the blonde to second in command all those years ago, his better half possessing all the sense Snake himself struggles to organize in his own warring head) about needing to spend more time, pay more attention, go beyond the shallow surface…

     And then the first of a series of frustrated punches assaults Snake.  Eli, heaving and pushing, the simmering frustrations in David completely boiling over in the sandy haired youth.

     “Fuck this.  It’s not like we even matter!” he yells between the punches that Snake doesn’t try to stop for once but rather takes, letting Eli get it out.  “David’s right, why do you bother, why do you even try to care, we’re just spare parts from you!”

     His chest heaves, body shaking with a flushed face.  The arrogance Snake’s always assumed rules Eli melts away, the lack of cockiness revealing the vulnerability Kaz confessed to seeing once.  It pulls something in Snake; yeah, the clone project frustrated him and he didn’t want it, but now - he can’t hate these kids.  How do you explain that to someone who’s almost 13 and not only confused about himself but also functioning at a higher mental capacity than someone his age should?  How do you try to get that across with suspicion and doubts planted so firmly in their minds?

      “I don’t even know who the fuck I’m supposed to be!”

      Snake catches Eli’s final punch, holding the youth’s fist in his gloved flesh one.  Eli looks down, blinking rapidly, but doesn’t fight anymore.  It’s almost as if he’s a geyser - explosive all at once before entering a state of emptiness.  David steps closer, arms crossed over his chest, eyeing Snake’s movements, skeptical of what he’s going to do, watching for the ulterior motives he’s known his whole young life.

     “You aren’t spare parts,” Snake tells them both quietly, looking between the blonde and the brunette.  David raises an eyebrow in a very Kaz-like fashion that makes Snake swallow a nervous laugh while Eli refuses to look up for once in his life.

     “And no one is killing anyone,” Snake continues.  This was going to happen sooner or later, and while it’s later, he’s determined to still make it count.  It’s the least he can do.  “Yeah, the clone project maybe wasn’t the best idea, but you know what?  It doesn’t matter.  We’re family now, got it?  We do what we do because that’s what family does.”

     David snorts but Snake continues, still holding Eli’s shaking fist.  “Think what you want, kid,” Snake says, eyeing David from the corner of his peripherie.  “But you wanted answers and here they are.  This base is a family; we look out for each other, fight for each other, share meals with each other.  At the end of the day, we die for each other.  You just happen to be...immediate family.”

     “Now let’s get one thing straight,” Snake says before either can interrupt him.  “No one, and I mean that, no one expects either of you to be me, especially me.  We have enough trouble with one Snake on base.”  He laughs to himself.  “You have to find your own paths.  I can’t decide your life for you.  The more you compare yourselves to me or each other, the harder it’s going to be.  And the people who told you that you don’t matter are full of shit.”

      Snake’s rather proud of himself for getting it all out, in a way that, while not as elegant as Kaz, actually somehow makes sense.  David lets out a breath and uncrosses his arms, face somber yet tired and relieved all at once.  Eli looks up for the first time since his outburst; Snake does him the courtesy of not commenting on the tear streaks down his normally so defiant face.  As Snake looks between them, he realizes how much this must have weighed on them.  Stability is so scarce in this world they live in, this home they call Mother Base, and that’s for someone who’s confident in where they stand.  To not even understand someone’s true motives and then have security upheaved, well.  The urge to chew a cigar nearly overwhelms him, stomach knotting.

     “This sucks,” Eli mutters hoarsely as he moves his fist at last and stands straight again.

     Snake laughs a little.  “Trust me, every kid your age has said that at least once.  Just means you’re human.”

     “So…” David trails off, collecting his thoughts, the fidgeting he had when he first came to base resurfacing for a moment as he messes with his fingers.  He looks like such a child in that moment, young and impressionable and confused.

     “Hm?” Snake asks, his own relief threatening to rise as he tapers it down for later.

     David looks him in the eye.  “No killing, no maiming, not useless, and be ourselves?”

     Eli makes a small gagging noise, already pushing the arrogant shield back in place, rolling his eyes at his twin.  Snake just laughs a little.  “Yeah, you got it, kid.”

     Eli looks at them both.  “Let’s never speak of this again,” he says through a faint half smirk.

     David, still in that momentary flash of the awkward boy who came to base with curiosity, moves so he’s between Eli and Snake to form a small circle.  He throws his hand in the middle.  “We should shake on it, like they do for like sports and stuff.”

     It’s like whiplash, the speed in which the boy has gone from pissed and distant to wanting to do a collaborative hand...thing?  Snake smirks at the absurdity of it; how does anyone keep up?  The gesture, though, so like something Paz and Kaz would’ve tried to get him to do in Costa Rica when they were trying to boost morale around base, tugs again on something in his chest.  He’ll have to think on it later while Eli rolls his eyes again.

      “Really, David?” he scoffs, green eyes lightly mocking, as if the whole previous exchange among the three of them never happened.  “Really?”

      David’s hand wavers a little and he starts to pull back.  “Yeah, I guess it was stupid…”

      Before he can completely drop his hand, Snake places his mechanical one on top.  David looks at him, gives a tentative smile.  Snake nods, then both of them turn to Eli.

      “Oh you have got to be kidding me right now,” Eli groans, turning his face away as he places his hand on top.  “If either of you mentions this to anyone, I will hurt you.”  Snake notes there’s no malice behind his words.

      David counts to three and they break without much grandeur, but Snake knows how important this is, no matter how silly it feels.  As he watches Eli slink off with David, small bickering already breaking out between the two, Snake pulls out his cigar and lights up.  The uneven footsteps approaching make him smile as he exhales a cloud of smoke, the tension across his shoulders melting away.

     “And that,” Kaz says as he settles next to Snake, “is what I was trying to get you to see.  Well done, Boss.”

     Snake turns to him, and matches Kaz’s grin.  “I always knew there was a reason I put you as my second in command.”

     Kaz rewards him with a soft, quick kiss, and Snake knows the pieces are finally starting to settle again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I'll see you all at the next update! :)
> 
> ~Birdie


	20. Lilies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because we all need reassurance in our lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies! :)
> 
> Here is the next chapter in our adventure. Thanks for hanging out with me!  
> I do feel like our story is getting close to the end, but we aren't there yet. :)  
> Also, updates might take a while the next few weeks; I'm a full time college student and my homework load is insane right now.
> 
> As always, all errors are mine.   
> Enjoy! :)
> 
> ~Birdie

Chapter 20: Lilies

_“I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.” - Sigmund Freud_

 

     “I’m not sure how to do this.”

     Snake’s low voice fills the otherwise quiet bedroom he and Kaz share.  After getting some anger issues (among other things) out with the boys and mostly getting back on good footing, there’s only one piece left to put back in place: Lilith.  The girl hasn’t been released from the medical platform yet, the nurses not quite convinced she’s stable enough to go; apparently even though she looked and acted “fine,” she was still dealing with some serious psychological trauma before the “incident.”  The “incident”, which neither Snake nor Kaz refer to by name because of how close it hits to home, was the final trigger that threw the teen over the edge - the loss of yet another thread of security.

     “Well,” Kaz says from the bathroom, messing with his tie in the mirror.  “It’s really not rocket science.  You just talk to her, like you do anyone else.  Reassure her, that sort of thing.”

     “Yeah, but…” Snake trails off, leaning on the doorframe.  “I don’t even know my place with her, Kaz.  I mean, she likes spending time with you…”

     “Yeah, and that took some serious time, effort, and tea,” Kaz says, shooting a quick glance at Snake before looking back at the mirror.  “Which I could use some more of, I’m almost out.  Dammit, that’s not straight.”

     He fidgets with the red material, and Snake can’t help himself as he steps in.  He places his head in the gap between Kaz’s shoulder and neck, fingers reaching up his front to fix the tie with ease.  He lingers, breathing in Kaz’s aftershave and placing a small kiss on his scruffy jaw.

     “I almost had that,” Kaz mutters with a sigh, sounding more tired than anything else.

     It’s hard watching his partner, his friend, his second in command go through this, and Snake knows he doesn’t have the words to fix it.  Even if words could make it better, Kaz has always been the articulate one of the two, anyway, filling their days with quick quotes and sharp wit while Snake listens and contributes pieces here and there.  Not knowing what else to do than just be present, Snake places another soft kiss on the blonde’s neck.

     Kaz turns his face to his.  “Seriously,” he tells Snake.  “Just go talk.  She’s gotta hear it from you.”

     Snake places a kiss to Kaz’s lips with a sigh, then turns and heads to the med bay.

     The sounds of horses and gunfire greet Snake as he approaches Lilith’s room.  As he walks in, Lilith, Ocelot, and Quiet are all focused on a TV on a rolling cart.  Quiet’s on the bed behind Lilith, brushing the younger girl’s hair methodically.  Lilith’s no longer hooked up to any of the monitors around her, and the nurses even let her wear some of her normal clothes again; her violet eyes focus intently on the screen in front of her, knees pulled to her chest.  Ocelot puts a red gloved finger to his lips as he spies Snake in the doorway.  

     So Snake enters the room as quietly as he can; Ocelot has Lilith watching westerns, and he doesn’t know why, but it makes Snake chuckle to himself.  John Wayne saves his niece and the credits roll across the screen.  Ocelot stands and stretches before moving to rewind the video.  Lilith lets go of her knees and looks at Snake before turning to Ocelot.

     “I’m really glad he didn’t kill her,” she says sincerely, her voice quiet.  

     “Yeah, we all are,” Ocelot chuckles.  “Next time I’ll bring a Clint Eastwood one.  I think you’ll like ‘The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.’  Maybe I’ll bring some popcorn too.”

     “Or maybe I’ll actually be out of here and we can watch at home.”

     Snake doesn’t miss the slight frustration in his daughter’s voice.  He can’t blame her; after nine years in his own personal hospital room, he understands the feeling of entrapment hospital beds can bring.  The doctor he stopped on his way to Lilith’s room though seemed pretty confident that she’s going to be released tomorrow, with a few bottles of sleeping aides and anxiety pills like Kaz’s for when things get too rough, and weekly sessions with one of the base’s trauma therapists.  Ocelot motions to Quiet, who stops brushing Lilith’s hair and crawls off the bed, giving the girl a final hug.  He looks at Lilith.

     “I’m going to leave the TV here in case you decide you want to watch any more movies,” Ocelot tells her in that western accent of his.  Snake still remembers how thick his Russian was when they first met some 20 years before.  Well, he always wanted to be a cowboy…

     “Thanks,” Lilith says as a red gloved hand touches the top of her head before leaving her and Snake alone.

     Snake, still unsure of what to do, sits down in the chair Ocelot’s vacated.  Lilith watches him, waiting.  She looks more rested than the last time he saw her, the shadows under her eyes nearly gone and her face less worn.  Though in her eyes, he can see the lingering worry that still resides there.  A sharp pang passes through him, and he sighs.

     “Nice flowers,” Snake says, nodding towards a small vase on the table by Lilith’s bed.  

     It’s the first thing he can think to say, and he’s afraid he’s already fumbled.  But instead, Lilith smiles.  It’s a small one, but it’s there.  

     “They’re from Pequod Alpha,” she says almost shyly.  “Lilies of the Valley.”

     “Ah, I know Pequod Alpha,” Snake says good humoredly.  “Nice kid.”

     Lilith gives a small shrug and plays intently with the edge of the bedsheet.  The silence drags on and Snake finds himself getting ancy.  He isn’t cut out for sitting still, but he doesn’t want to leave without resolving -

     “Why do you do it?”

     Lilith’s mumbled voice breaks Snake’s train of thought.  She’s still playing with the bedsheet, but her eyes are on him, watching and waiting.  This is his new mission, he realizes, and he only has one shot to make it a success.

     “Why do I do this?” he asks, verifying.  “The fighting and missions?”

     Lilith nods.  Snake takes a breath.

     “Well,” he tells her, “it’s the only thing I’ve ever known.  I’m good at it, I enjoy it even.  And besides, we-”

     “You kill people for money.  And you might die instead.”  Lilith’s tone is accusing, and again, Snake can’t blame her.  The logic of what they do is, well, hard to explain other than to say what she’s just said.

     “Yes.  But if we weren’t here,” Snake explains, “then the people who pay us to do their dirty work would go elsewhere, and then groups like Cipher get the control.”

     Lilith shivers at the mention of Cipher.  “But…” she looks at him, and he sees this is what Kaz was talking about, the need of reassurance.  “What if you don’t come back?  What if you...die...and something happens to K-dad….where would I end up?”

     And suddenly it makes sense in Snake’s chaotic mind.  She’s afraid of being thrown away, of losing her home again and the only actual family she’s cared about.  Lilith’s blue violet eyes start to fill up with moisture and Snake does the next thing he can think of - he takes her and and holds it in his warm one.

     “Lilith, do you remember when I took you on that overnight mission a few months ago?” Snake asks her and she nods.  “Remember when the jackals were crying and you were worried they were going to come hurt you?  Do you remember what I told you?”

     Lilith nods again.   “You said, ‘Nothing is going to hurt you as long as I’m here.’”

     Snake gives a small smile.  “And I was right, nothing hurt you.  I can’t promise that things will always be perfect.  But I can promise that I’ll do my damnedest to always come home.  And even if something were to happen, the Diamond Dogs are not going to let anything happen to you or your brothers.”

     Lilith’s tears spill over silently; Snake gives her hand a small squeeze.

     “Promise promise?” she asks.  Her voice shakes and Snake pulls her in and wraps her in a bear hug.

     “Promise promise,” he tells her.

**  
**When Kaz walks into Lilith’s room later that day, he’s pleased to see Snake still there, sitting in the bedside chair while Lilith explains something about horses and gunslingers on the quiet television.  Kaz looks at Snake.  His eye is soft and face focused on everything Lilith’s telling him, trying to follow through her character descriptions.   Kaz’s heart beats a little quicker and his lips quirk up.  In this moment, he knows everything is going to be okay at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, loves!  
> See you at the next chapter! :)
> 
> ~Birdie


	21. Departures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There's no real ending. It's just the place where you stop the story." - Frank Herbert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well my lovely readers.   
> Here we are at last.   
> This story has been a great trip and I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have.   
> Now, onwards!
> 
> ~Birdie

_ “Being a family means you are part of something very wonderful.  It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life.” - Lisa Weedn _

 

The salty breeze blows through Kaz’s trenchcoat as he stands on one of the platforms overlooking the main platform of Mother Base.  It’d been a long few months, weeks filled with reassurances and meals together, days of tea and small talk by his office window with Lilith and sparing outside between Snake and the boys.  Somehow, they’d made it through, and even with the inescapable constant comings and goings to keep base running, things had settled.

Below, Kaz watches as Eli and David bicker, trying to outdo each other with punches and tackles.  Their words are more teasing and playful competition than actual frustration and anger; Eli, as Kaz had hoped from the start, finally calming down some, anger now mere empty words.  David, for his part, now lives less in his shell and more open, more free, more the way a kid his age should be.  They’re growing up and it gives Kaz a sense of pride knowing that the Snake twins will be not only alright, but will be able to rise above to whatever challenges come their way.

A little ways off, Lilith leans against a rail, those spare aviators now pushed into her hair.  She’s talking lightly with Pequod Alpha - what was his name? Was it Gabriel? Kaz makes a mental note to have Ocelot look into it.  Both of them laugh, and the pilot looks up.  Kaz gives him a writhing look and can almost swear the other man falters for a moment.  Good.  Lilith looks up and rolls her eyes dramatically before turning back; Kaz suspects they’re going to have a sassy teenager on their hands pretty soon - she’s already starting - and he’s not sure he’s looking forward to it, not ready to acknowledge that kids grow up and their daughter is no exception.

“Please don’t make my pilot nervous Kaz,” Snake says beside him with a chuckle, and Kaz shakes his head.  “I need him to take me out later.”

“I don’t like him,” Kaz says without looking over.  “We should get you a new one.”

Snake full out laughs.  “We aren’t replacing him.  He’s a good pilot.  And he’s a good kid.” 

“We’ll see about that,” Kaz mumbles under his breath.

Snake wraps an arm around him and he lets himself be pulled into the warm body.  He looks over and presses lips against Snake’s chapped ones.  He tastes of cigars and home, and Kaz sighs.

“You worry too much,” Snake says through a kiss.  “We’ve made it this far.”

Kaz sighs then pulls back with a small smile.  A loud cry of protest from Eli travels up the base, and he laughs, his chest fill with a strange feeling of warmth, one he’s come to embrace as the warmth associated with finally having a family, a home, something he’s searched for his whole life.  He looks back at Snake.

“Yeah,” he says.  “We have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading with me, dear readers.   
> If you are interested in comings and goings beyond for this little family, I have some Lil drabbles I've worked on off and on that I may publish.
> 
> Thank you for your positive support, and I will see you at whatever story comes next. <3
> 
> ~Birdie

**Author's Note:**

> My goal is to update this weekly, writing the drafts on the train to school and the updates being on the weekends. I have a general idea of where we're going and I'm glad to have you along with me! :)


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